Chapter 29
CHAPTER
TWENTY-NINE
ELLERY
A MONTH LATER…
Iwalk into the patient’s room and sanitize my hands. Although it’s not my direct patient, Amber, one of my attendings, asked for a second opinion.
The room is packed with people, and they’re all wearing the New York football team’s jersey, all their eyes on the television.
Since the Grizzlies are here playing for the division title against New York, I went out to eat with Bryce and Adeline last night. It’s still weird not going to the games, but I will say that no one here has referred to me as Cooper Rice’s girlfriend since I started here.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Wallace.”
The room erupts in a roar. They all hoot and holler because the Giants got a first down. I look up at the television just as it shows Cooper on the sidelines.
I’m not one to bring trauma to myself, so I haven’t watched a game since he broke up with me.
Or when he said we needed a break and he left his apartment.
We haven’t spoken since then. I’ve wanted to reach out so many times, but I’m not sure what there is to say without causing each other more pain.
Cooper looks good. His face is stone-serious, his eye on the prize of winning the division, which will only propel Chicago closer to the chance to win the championship.
I hate the fact that I wonder if he’s hooked up with anyone else since me.
If those pouty pink lips have been on another woman’s.
I shake my head and tell myself to stop thinking of that, it does no good.
New York is nothing like Chicago. I miss my smaller city where I knew every inch of my concrete world. My mom just moved here last week, so at least I’ll have her to do some things with since I’m still trying to make friends.
Although the staff here is nice, I haven’t really connected with any of them. Then again, my mind is constantly in another world, especially if I’m not working.
I still can’t figure out why Cooper would think I wasn’t one hundred percent in it with him. Bryce told me last night that it’s just the way I’m wired, and when I asked her what she meant by that, she just said that my career has always been my priority.
“So, Mrs. Jennings, you came in complaining about—”
Another set of cheers sounds through the room, and everyone only gives me half of their attention. I grab the remote and turn off the television. They all grumble and stare at me.
“I’m sorry, but if you want to watch the game, you’ll have to go into the waiting room,” I say to what appears to be their two younger sons and daughter.
“Sorry, we’re all just diehard New York fans. Excuse us for being so rude,” the husband says, sounding genuine.
“I know it’s a big game, so after I leave, feel free to turn it back on.” I turn to the wife in the hospital bed. “Mrs. Jennings, you came in struggling to breathe, and I read in your chart that you’ve had a bad cough?”
The husband nods. “She’s had this cold for a few weeks, and today she didn’t seem like herself. We thought we’d come here for some antibiotics, but when they took her oxygen, they said it was low and brought her back here.”
“I’m feeling better,” she says, giving me a thumbs-up, but the woman has oxygen tubes in her nose.
I slide through a small opening and scan my ID to enter the computer. “Let’s see if any labs have come in. You had a chest x-ray, right?”
It feels great to be interacting with a patient again, treating them.
I see that she has pneumonia, but they’re going to have her do a CT scan due to her low oxygen level.
I swivel in my chair. “Well, you have pneumonia, so we’ll prescribe some antibiotics for that.
But we’re going to send you for a CT of your lungs just to make sure we’re not looking at anything more serious.
It’s a precaution only, but we want to be sure.
Just stay put for now, and hopefully we can get you out of here soon. ” I pat her shoulder.
“Thanks, Doctor,” she says.
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Jennings.” I grab the remote and turn on the television. “Now, enjoy, but just keep it down a little.”
They all cheer, and I shut the door to the room when I leave.
Before I make it over to the desk, I hear my name behind me.
“Dr. Wallace, right?” Mr. Jennings says in a thick New York accent I’m still getting used to.
I nod. “I don’t want it to seem as if we don’t care.
That woman in that bed is my life, she’s the beating heart at the center of our lives and our family is nothing without her.
Should we get out of there so you can treat her? ”
I smile softly. “It’s quite okay, Mr. Jennings. I think she’s just let this cold go on so long that it’s now turned into pneumonia. I’ll keep you informed.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Now go in there before you miss part of the game.” He takes a step away, but then turns back around. “You’re her, right?”
I frown. “I’m sorry?”
“My kids say you’re Cooper Rice’s girlfriend… or were?” This is the first time anyone has said something to me about Cooper since I arrived.
“I was, yes.”
He takes my hand and squeezes it, startling me. “Hard to date someone like that, but I imagine it’s hard to date someone who saves people’s lives, too.” He chuckles. “He’s having the game of his life, you know.”
“I saw that from my brief look at the screen.”
He studies me for a beat. “Well, I do hope you find the kinda love like me and the Mrs. have, because to live without love, well, that’s a wasted life.
Everyone needs someone to come home to, someone who’s in the trenches with you, someone who finds your kid just as entertaining as you.
I’m sure you have a lot of work to do. Sorry.
” He waves his hand in front of himself.
“It’s okay. Thank you for sharing.”
“Maybe I’m just an old fool who wants everyone to be as happy as me.” He winks and walks back to the room, and I watch him go.
One of his sons comes out just as he steps inside. “Bathroom?” he asks me.
I point to where he can go.
“Sorry if my dad talked your ear off. He’s a sharer.” He laughs and heads in the direction I pointed.
Pushing away what Mr. Jennings said, I input the orders, informing Amber that we’ll get a CT scan done just to make sure there’s nothing else going on, but the chest x-ray clearly showed signs of pneumonia. I ask her to come and get me when the results of the CT scan arrive, then go to my office.
In the quiet of my office, I pull up the game on my phone just to check the score, or so I tell myself. Chicago is winning, and just as I pull it up, Cooper struts onto the field. It’s early in the game, only the second quarter, so there’s a lot of game left.
Someone knocks on my door, and my mind moves faster than my hands, causing me to fumble the phone while trying to turn it off. I look up once I stuff it in my pocket.
“Just checking on how your day is going.” My dad’s there in his white coat with his fancy new title stitched into it. He still can’t stop coming down to the ER, and I wonder if he visits all the departments as much as he visits mine.
“Good. I actually got to interact with a patient today.”
He chuckles. “Unfortunately, that is a by-product of the job once you climb the ladder. There’s a lot of other things you have to handle besides dealing with patients.”
He’s not lying. It didn’t take me long to realize that I went into this naively. I knew a lot of my time would be dealing with administrative and bureaucratic stuff, I just didn’t realize how far removed I would be from true patient care.
“How’s Cooper doing today?” he asks with a smirk because he caught me. Since he’s the one who wanted us to break up, I’m not sure why he’s even asking.
“They’re winning.” I offer the least amount of information I can.
“Guess your breakup hasn’t affected his play.”
I stare blankly at my dad. “It appears not. No.”
“I wish I could say the same for you.” He steps further into my office but doesn’t sit down.
His comment feels like a slap in the face. “Am I doing a bad job?” I thought I caught on fast.
“You’re doing a great job.” He smiles. “I’m really proud of you. I get compliments all the time about you.”
I frown. “Then what do you mean?”
He sets his hands on his hips and sighs. “You’re not happy here, are you?”
“I am.” I give him my best smile, even if I know it’s fake.
“Ellery. I know I wasn’t around a lot when you were younger, but I still do know you, and you’re going through the motions here, but you’re not happy.”
Do I even open this line of conversation with my dad? I’ve never felt a sense of trust I think kids should feel telling their parents their hopes and dreams. I have never felt like I could be really honest. “I miss caring for the patients.”
He nods, breaking the distance and sitting in the chair in front of my desk. “It takes some getting used to. Maybe you’ll grow into it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure I will.”
“It’s funny. I always used to feel like your mom got you the first eighteen years of your life and I’d get you for the rest. I thought we were replicas of one another.
But your mother has been pushing her advice on me lately and made me realize that maybe you never wanted to be a doctor in the first place. ”
I shake my head. “No, I’m happy being a doctor, but…” I take a deep breath. This shouldn’t be such a big deal to say, to admit to my dad as well as myself, but it is. It’s years of engrained thinking I’m pushing up against. “I think I want more.”
“This is more.” He looks around the office with my name on the door.
“Not like that. I want to be the one caring for patients. I want to be the one who follows their cases through and sees the outcome, build a relationship with them.”
He leans back and studies me for a second. “With all due respect, Ellery, you can barely handle it when you lose a patient in the ER. Can you really imagine having a closer relationship with them?”
“I’ve considered that.” I’ve had a month to think about it as I lay holed up in my apartment because my life, at least everything I knew of my life, is back in Chicago.
I miss Cooper and Bryce. Hell, I even miss Damon.
But I miss Cooper the most. The more I think about what he said, the more I wonder why I put all those stipulations on us.
Why would I want to go slow when I had waited so long to cross that line?
“I guess you’re more like your mom than me after all,” he says, surprisingly not sounding mad. “Are you considering going back for family medicine?”
I nod.
“I knew you weren’t happy here, but I thought that had to do more with Cooper than the actual job.
” I open my mouth, but he puts his hand up.
“I want to apologize. I think I thought if I brought you here, you’d be able to really excel without the complication of Cooper.
I should have never suggested the two of you break up. ” He shakes his head.
I look across the desk at him like I’ve never seen this man before. “Does mom have you in therapy or something?” I’m honestly asking because he’s never talked to me like this.
I’ve always been afraid to open up to my dad, fearing this judgment.
I didn’t see him a lot when I was young, and when I did, he always praised me when I did well in school or showed interest in becoming a doctor like him.
I think I thought that by pursuing the career he wanted for me, I was earning his love and respect.
He chuckles. “Your mom is none too pleased with me for moving us here. We’ve had some heated arguments, some involving you and how I treat you. She’s a very persuasive woman.”
“Dr. Wallace,” Amber is in the doorway, sees my father in the chair, and backtracks. “I’m sorry. When you’re available, I just wanted to go over Mrs. Jennings’s results.”
“No need. I was just leaving.” My dad stands. “What do you say? I’ll cover for you so you can head over to the stadium?”
I shake my head. “Thanks, but I blew that chance.”
“Oh, I think you could murder that boy’s dog and he’d still want you.” He leans in close, lowering his voice. “If you love him, go.”
I squeeze his hand. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Just let me know.” He walks out of my office, and I step out to join Amber on the walk down the hallway to Mrs. Jennings’s room.
“Everything looks good. There is a spot on her lungs that they want to keep an eye on, but other than that, it’s just pneumonia.” Amber smiles.
“Oh, that’s good, but let’s admit her overnight. Get some antibiotics in her and make sure her oxygen levels go up.”
“I’ll find her a bed.”
“Do you mind if I tell the family?”
“Not at all. I’m a Buffalo fan.” She heads over to the phones and computer while I knock on Mrs. Jennings’s door.
I open it slightly and peek my head in. “Hi everyone.”
“Oh, come in,” one of the sons says.
Mrs. Jennings is sleeping, and they have the television on mute now. I glance to see it’s already in the fourth quarter and only two minutes left on the block.
“Is it really tied?” I ask.
They all stare and nod. Oh, come on, Cooper.
“Well, I have good news, it’s just pneumonia.
There is a spot on her lungs that they don’t think is anything but would like to keep an eye on it, so she’ll have to go for another scan in a couple of months, but follow up with your primary care provider for that.
We’re going to admit her overnight to get the antibiotics in her system and make sure she’s off the oxygen before leaving. ”
They all hug one another, clearly relieved.
“Thank goodness,” Mr. Jennings says. He comes to me and wraps me in a hug. “Thank you. I was scared for a moment when she’d become disoriented.”
“That was from the lack of oxygen.”
“I can’t thank you enough.” A tear drops down his cheek.
“Oh, Dad,” the kids say in unison, sounding mortified.
He stares down at his wife with so much love that my throat squeezes shut. Not because I’ve never been looked at like that, but because I have, and I threw it away because I was scared.
Oh my god. What have I done?
Mr. Jennings smiles over at me. “It’s never too late.”
I shake my head. This man can really read people. “For us it is.”
“I don’t believe it. Go get him.” He nudges me with his elbow.
“I…”
I don’t really have an excuse. I’m the reason we couldn’t make this work. My own fear stopped me from giving him all of me. The real question is, can I give him all of me?
“You have no excuse. If you love him, go to him, and when there are problems, love him harder. If you both truly love one another, you’ll figure it out. I promise.”
Why won’t my feet move?
I think of how it felt to be loved by Cooper and know that I can’t give that up. No matter how scared I am that things—mainly my emotions—aren’t in my control.
“Shit, I think I’m going to. Oh my god! I’m going.”
“Way to go!” The Jennings all silently cheer since the mom is sleeping.
I rush out of the room and call my dad to take over for me.
Please. Please answer.