Diary Entry 98 （Six Months Ago）
Six Months Ago
Dear Twila,
He did it again today. I was fine, working as normal, but out of nowhere, something in my body went wrong.
Suddenly, I’d stepped into muddy water, and a cold fog rolled in.
I couldn’t figure out why I was suddenly so empty and struggling when all I was doing was cooking dinner while Bradley watched the football game on TV.
When Bradley tried talking to me about the awesome play his team made, I tried to pay attention. I tried to tear my feet out of the mud and get my head cleared, if only to show feigned enthusiasm. But my mumbled acknowledgment was all I could find the energy for.
He asked what was wrong, but I didn’t know. I couldn’t even tell why I was feeling hollow and bleak, so how was I supposed to give him an answer? He kept demanding I explain my change in mood. He kept asking why I was being “blah” all of a sudden.
He kept pushing until I was suffocating.
Why couldn’t he give me space to understand what I was struggling with? Why couldn’t he let me sit and process the overwhelming thoughts? Why can’t he even try to understand me?
Is it because I’m too much to understand?
Am I too dark for people to bother with?
I wish I knew. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn’t so alone.