Chapter 28
Serenity
I HUGGED MY ARMS AROUND Gilbert, my stuffed capybara, trying to find comfort in his soft squish.
Iyla, Addie, and Harper sat on my bed with me, and even though we had a movie going, none of us paid a bit of attention to it.
Even with the dissolution of my relationship with Dante, these girls had continued to be here.
I was so used to people being in my life by extension of someone else or being there conditionally, so I was shocked to find these girls still wanted to reach out.
They didn’t stay because of Dante. They stayed because of me.
At least, that was what I told myself. I was too afraid to believe much of anything anymore.
“I still want to take my stupid chopstick and just—” Addie swung one of her chopsticks through the air like a knife “—right in his freaking eye.”
Iyla used her own chopstick to lower the one Addie wielded. “Down girl.”
Harper sighed and frowned sympathetically at me. “Have you been doing okay?”
I shrugged and poked around at my sushi.
The fact that I’d been cooped up in my apartment in the dark instead of doing my normal Saturday routine of coffee, books, and the zoo should’ve been alarming.
Yet I pretended it was no big deal. I’d barely managed to fake a few nibbles of my food, and the trio kept looking between me and the raw fish, no doubt noticing my lack of eating. “I’m fine.”
Liar.
I forced my smiling mask into place. “I’ll get over it.”
Lies.
“He and I weren’t that close anyway,” I quipped, squeezing Gilbert just a little tighter. “I shouldn’t be complaining about it. I mean, sure, it’s sad to lose someone you care about or to hear those kinds of things being said about you. But other people have it worse. I’m fine.”
Stuff it down, stuff it down, stuff it down. Your problems are bothersome. You’re only going to make them want nothing to do with you, just like Dante.
Iyla reached out to place her hand on my arm and gave it a soft squeeze. “It’s okay to talk to us. If you want to.”
“And sure,” Harper added, “someone might have it hard out there. But that doesn’t diminish what you’re feeling.
Trust me. Holding it in because you’re afraid of how others will perceive your pain isn’t good for you.
I’ve—I’ve been through some shit, and let me say that pretending you’re fine when you’re not doesn’t help. It just makes it worse.”
I heard Harper, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe her.
She hadn’t gone into detail about what happened to her, but I knew enough from what little she’d managed to open up about.
Her attack had been months ago, but every day was still a work in healing.
How could I possibly talk about any issue I was having when she was having her own on a much greater level?
I shook my head and made my smile bigger. “I’m fine. I promise. Boys—Boys suck.”
I feigned a small laugh to add lightheartedness that I didn’t feel into my words. The three girls smirked and nodded along, but I could see the doubt in their eyes as they watched me. Even with my mask on, they gleaned the truth behind it. So I changed the subject.
“My ex-boyfriend is trying to weasel his way back into my life now that Dante is gone,” I revealed, picking at my sushi again. “Like, does he not understand that I have no interest in starting a relationship with him again?”
“Ugh,” Addie grumbled with an exaggerated roll of her blue eyes. “Please don’t. No offense, but Bradley has always given me the ick.”
Harper’s nose wrinkled. “That’s your ex’s name?
” She looked at me and held up a finger.
“I’ve only met one Bradley before, and I’ve since sworn off all future Bradleys because of it.
The guy was a douche. He came to one of my house parties, and he was practically chomping at the bit to sleep with me.
Meanwhile, the dick had a girlfriend he’d conveniently forgotten to mention until after I kicked him out of my room for being terrible at dirty talking and even worse in bed. ”
She pointed at her tongue, and Iyla and Addie laughed at the man’s misfortune.
Meanwhile, my head was stuck on this Bradley guy being terrible at talking dirty and giving oral.
Plenty of guys had that issue, so it was probably just a coincidence.
But I remembered that Dante had mentioned meeting Bradley at a party thrown at a friend’s house.
“H-His dirty talk was bad?” I asked with a lighthearted chuckle, trying to calm down my spiraling thoughts and doubts.
“Terrible,” she answered with a confirming nod. “He kept saying really cringy lines about my nectar or thinking he was making me go crazy while he literally couldn’t find a clit, even if one appeared in front of him.”
I couldn’t breathe. Nausea rose up my throat.
“Not to mention,” she continued, looking up at the ceiling, “he had an obsession with calling me some silly nickname that made everything dry as sand.”
“What nickname?” Iyla asked.
“Dollface,” Harper and I said at the same time.
Harper’s lips snapped shut, and I felt my face drain of color. Harper’s eyes locked on mine, and the realization hit her the same time it did everyone else. Iyla and Addie looked like they’d just been shot, and the four of us fell into horrified silence.
“He was cheating on me,” I whispered roughly, slowly dropping my head. Fresh tears sprung to life behind my eyes, and I hiccuped on a hurt inhale. “Bradley cheated on me.”
Everything inside of me turned to ice, and the shards tore through me in violent shakes.
Memories of my mother breaking down after learning of my father’s infidelity flashed through my head, and I mirrored her now.
I clutched my head and curled in on myself, shaking as I went back in time through every moment where doubt had sprung up, only to be squashed by Bradley’s reassurances that I was the only one and all he wanted.
He’d said he’d never hurt me the way my dad hurt my mom. He’d promised I was the only one.
And I fell for it.
I fucking fell for it.
MY STOMACH WAS IN KNOTS. I’d been nauseous ever since the girls left my apartment, Harper’s revelation tearing me up inside. My head spun, my stomach churned, and my broken heart shattered into even more pieces.
I was a mess, yet my chaotic thoughts had me stumbling to my car in my pajamas.
I couldn’t think. All I could do was spiral with the need for answers.
My body had a mind of its own as I drove to Bradley’s apartment and walked up to his door.
It wasn’t until it opened to reveal a perplexed-looking Bradley that I decided I was really going to go through with it. I was going to confront this man.
“Dollface,” Bradley greeted in surprise, looking me up and down. “What are you doing here?”
I swallowed the vomit trying to climb my throat. How many others had he called that name while making me believe I was the only one?
“Can I come in?” I asked, barely managing to sound normal.
He frowned. “Uh. Yeah. Sure.”
He opened the door for me, and I walked in while clasping my shaking hands in front of me.
I looked around the living room and kitchen, wondering how many others had been brought here.
It was while I scanned the room that I spotted a bottle of vodka and a glass on the coffee table.
Knives carved up the inside of my chest upon discovering yet another lie.
“I thought you weren’t going to drink anymore,” I said, turning to face him.
His eye twitched, and he rubbed the back of his neck while forcing a smile. “I only had a sip. It’s Saturday, and I’m home alone. A sip isn’t a big deal, Dollface. Don’t be so uptight. We’re trying to rekindle things, not start all new problems.”
My lip trembled as tears pricked my eyes. I didn’t have the energy to argue that I never agreed to rekindle things with him. I didn’t have the strength to point out that my heart beat and broke for someone else now. All I could manage was one painful question.
“Did you cheat on me?”
I knew the answer, but I wanted to see if he’d at least have the balls to own up to his betrayal.
His feigned smile slowly fell, and his blue eyes narrowed into slits. “Did Dante tell you that bullshit?”
Bradley stepped into my space as he snarled the question, and the strong smell of alcohol wafted through the air. The pungent smell was far too much to have gotten from a mere sip, and it only made the roiling in my stomach that much worse. I had to sit down on the edge of the couch.
“Dante has nothing to do with this,” I said with my glare fixed firmly on his. “I’m asking you, Bradley. Did you ever cheat on me?”
“Of course I didn’t!” he yelled with a wave of his hand. He squatted by where I sat and grabbed my hands, which had curled into tight fists in my lap. “Doll, I love you. I’d never do something like that to you.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks as I yanked my hands away. “How could you? How could you do that to me? How many times did you do it? How many people did you fuck behind my back while I just waited around for you like some idiot?”
He grabbed my wrists tightly and yanked me back toward him. “I don’t know where this is coming from, but you better calm down. I didn’t agree to take you back, only for you to act this way.”
“I didn’t ask for you to take me back,” I cried, shoving on his chest so that I could get back to my feet.
I pulled and tugged on my wrists, which he still held, and yelled, “I don’t want to be with you!
You broke my trust, Bradley. You treat me like a moron!
You’re a fucking bastard, and I will never, ever be with you again! ”
He bared his teeth and roared as he shoved me hard. I gasped and fell hard on my back. Pain shot up my spine, and I groaned as my head spun. Before I could get my bearings, Bradley straddled me and gripped my face in one tight squeeze while holding my hair in the other.