Chapter 27
Dante
THREE WEEKS.
It had been three whole weeks since Serenity walked out of the door. I was doing fine. Life was back to normal. I was going to Hell’s Gate solo or with the boys. I was engrossing myself in learning the new songs Zagan had written. When I wasn’t doing one of those things, I was reading.
I was living the life I’d always been.
Except for one thing.
I’d gone out a few days after Serenity left. I wanted to prove to myself that I was finally back on my game and putting these past months with her behind me. Not to mention, an Incubus like me needed to eat, which I could only do through sexual pleasure.
And I’d found a great partner for that—a tan, dark-haired, tall beauty. Did I purposefully choose someone the exact opposite of Serenity? No. It was a total coincidence. It was also a coincidence that I couldn’t get it up for her. Everyone had an off day, even a sex demon like me.
Granted, it was the first time that had ever happened.
I hadn’t tried eating again since then. I refused to acknowledge why that was. I refused to believe it was because I only longed for one person now. I didn’t want to believe it was because I’d found and lost something so precious that nothing else compared.
I’d spent the past three weeks trying to prove to myself and everyone around me that I didn’t care, and I thought I’d been doing a fine job.
Yet after twenty-one long, sleepless, and fuckless nights, I found myself walking through the morning cold.
I pulled my black face mask higher and my ball cap lower as I wove along the many paths to my destination.
My heart twinged with disappointment when I spotted the empty bench, but undeterred, I found my seat on that bench and leaned back to watch the capybaras, a lone book in my lap.
The zoo was quiet for a Saturday morning, probably because of the threat of snow. I didn’t mind the lack of chaos and people. It gave me time alone with my thoughts.
Steam rose from the water in the capybara exhibit, and even from here, I could feel the warmth exuding from the heated pool. Most of the brown lumps floated happily in the steamy water, but one capybara sat by the window. He seemed to be staring right at me.
I pulled my face mask down over my chin and tipped it in greeting. “Sup.”
He stared back monotonously at me.
“Are you Tom?” I asked him. “I can’t tell you guys apart. So we’re going to say you’re Tom.”
After greeting one of the resident oversized rodents, I looked over my shoulders nonchalantly, though I didn’t spot anyone venturing this way.
I frowned and looked down at my lap, tracing the name on the cover with my gaze.
When I glanced up, Tom stared at me with an even duller expression, one that I felt was far too accusatory.
“What?” I challenged him. “I’m reading the book, okay? No other meaning. And I’m not waiting on anyone. I was just … looking around.”
He huffed softly. Clearly, this little shit didn’t buy my lies, either.
Despair snaked its way through me. I leaned forward to brace my forearms on my thighs and hung my head to whisper, “I’m having a hard time, Tom. I-I miss her.”
“Then go talk to her.”
I jolted upright and watched as Zagan sat down beside me on the bench in his all black ensemble of a peacoat, jeans, and toboggan.
Xander took the seat on my other side. His short black hair blew slightly in the wind as he pulled his puffer jacket closer around his frame.
Perseus propped his shoulder against the capybara exhibit, grinning at the many critters swimming in the hot water.
Coldin stood opposite the golden-haired demon and fixed his stare on the animals, too, though I imagined he didn’t watch them for entertainment the way Perseus did.
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked, sweeping my gaze between them.
“Looking for you,” Zagan answered.
“Okay. You found me,” I said, fanning the top corner of the book pages as I spoke. “What do you need?”
“We’re not here for us.” Xander nudged my shoulder. “We’re here for you.”
“I’m good,” I shrugged and scratched the bar piercing the top of my ear. “Never been better.”
I looked up and found Tom still across from me with eyes narrowed in what looked like disbelief. I narrowed mine back at him.
“Dante,” Zagan stated flatly. “You’re at the fucking zoo, dude. Sitting in front of—” Zagan hesitated with a hand waved toward Tom. “What the fuck are these things?”
“It’s a capybara,” I answered. My chest twisted violently as I recalled each time Serenity had said the exact same phrase to me—the time I stumbled upon the creatures in her room, on her ankle tattoo, or here. “That’s Tom. I think.”
“See?” Zagan chuckled as he leaned forward to match my pose and find my eyes. “Listen to yourself. You don’t care about Tom. You don’t care about sitting out in the cold with only these guys for company. You care about the girl that introduced you to them.”
My throat clogged with a pain I couldn’t place. I shook my head but couldn’t speak to confirm or deny his accusation.
“What are you afraid of?” Perseus asked carefully.
The question was a heavy one, because with it, came memories and thoughts I’d worked hard to keep buried.
Finally, I said, “She’s a human.”
“So?” Perseus fired back.
“You know what humans are like,” I snapped, whipping my head up to meet his gaze.
“For Satan’s sake, you’ve seen what kind of beings they are.
Prancing around like they’re some special, chosen kind above even the gods they claim to worship.
Cheaters, liars, thieves, greedy, hateful bastards. They disgust me.”
“Do you feel that way about Serenity specifically?” Perseus inquired with a knowing raise of his brow.
I swallowed hard and averted my eyes back to Tom. “No. She’s different.”
Tom shifted closer to the glass, and I liked to think it was his way of agreeing with me.
“Exactly,” Zagan pressed. “She’s different. You’re using the fact that she’s a human as an excuse. What are you actually afraid of, Dante?”
My lips thinned. Painful barbs wrapped deeply around my chest and began to squeeze me with their truth. I didn’t like opening up about old wounds. I didn’t like unloading this stuff on anyone. But these guys were my brothers, and if anyone would understand those fears, it was them.
“Myself,” I confessed quietly. “I’m afraid that no matter how much I don’t want to, I’ll be the horrible creature humans have always portrayed us as.
I’m afraid that I won’t be good enough or the kind of man she needs.
I’m afraid she’ll eventually look at me the way they did and reconfirm everything they said.
I can handle their hatred and disdain. It’s mutual, after all.
But if she decided she can’t love someone like me …
I won’t be able to take it this time. Not from her. ”
“Has she ever given you the impression that she would feel that way?” Xander asked pointedly.
I shook my head and looked back down at the book in my lap. “No.”
“What has she said?” Perseus asked.
I opened the book to the title page where her neat handwriting had scrawled its message. My heart fractured with longing as I brushed my fingertips over the words.
My Dante -- your Serenity
“She said,” I answered in a hard whisper, “that I’m her night sky.”
A pregnant pause settled over everyone. They wouldn’t know what that meant or the significance of that confession, though they knew I called her Star. That, paired with how my eyes squeezed shut in remorse and voice trembled with yearning, was all they had to piece together how much it meant to me.
Xander cleared his throat, and he shifted slightly in his seat. The Mischief demon was typically the one always joking and keeping things light with the rest of us, yet a certain somberness furrowed his brow as he stared at the pavement.
“You know a bit about my situation,” Xander started slowly.
I glanced at the tattoo on his right pinky. Immediately, we all knew he was talking about her.
“I’d give anything to be where you are. You can run to her.
You can find her and fix this. You can still get the ending you both deserve.
Don’t … Don’t let her go like this. Trust me.
You’ll regret it.” Xander squeezed his hands before turning to face me, gripping my shoulder.
“She needs her night sky, man. She needs you.”
He made it sound so easy, but there was no way it could be after what I did.
“I’ve already driven her away,” I argued. “I’ve already messed up so badly. What if it’s too late and she hates me now?”
“There’s only one way to find out,” Perseus smiled encouragingly.
“Go after her,” Zagan said, nudging my arm with his. “Tell her you’re sorry. Grovel. Because as much as she needs her night sky, I think you need your star just as much.”
I looked between all of my brothers and really let their support and encouragement settle over me.
They were right. I fucking missed Serenity.
I wanted to be with her. I didn’t want her to be a temporary thing in my life but, rather, a constant.
I’d messed up greatly, but I could fix things.
I could get on my knees and beg if that was what it took to get her back.
My gaze landed on Tom whose little black eyes stared right into mine. He dipped his head slightly like he agreed with my plan. I smiled and nodded back.
I refused to lose the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I refused to lose her.