Chapter 35 #2
Serenity wrapped her arms around me, and I sucked in a lungful of air. I couldn’t catch my breath at first, but slowly, the ability came back to me. She held me tightly and whispered, “I’ve got you. You’re here. You’re safe. I’m right here.”
I wrapped my arms around her and found myself getting grounded again.
She was right. I wasn’t there, strapped to a table in the center of the room, being fucked against my will as a show for everyone else.
No. I was here where Serenity’s silky hair tickled my nose with its sweet smell.
Her soft curves hugged my firm lines. Her heart beat in tandem with mine.
I was in my home with my human.
I was safe.
“I’m okay now,” I whispered against the top of her head.
“You don’t have to—”
“Yes,” I stopped her. “I do. I need to. For you.” I considered it and added quietly, “For me.”
She swallowed hard and searched my gaze.
I was sure she felt how much I hated talking about this.
My muscles ached from how tight I’d clenched as the story went on.
Yet, there was also something freeing about divulging the horrors of my past to someone who cared and wanted to listen.
I was sure she saw how much I needed this in my eyes, because eventually, she nodded.
I took a deep breath until I found my voice again. “In the rare moments when my anger faded and I was left with anguish, I’d ask myself, Lucifer, the world above why. Akhom, the boy who’d called me father, the boy I’d been excited to raise, answered that question for me.”
My voice got caught in my throat. I was back in the bottom of the well with murky water clinging to my naked body. My head was tipped back, eyes burning from how exhausted and overworked I was. I stared up at the distant moon through the round opening far, far above me and shouted, “Why?”
Akhom’s little head peered over the edge of the well, and even in that moment, after everything, a small part of me lit up to see that he was okay. But then, he sneered and narrowed his eyes in disdain as he snarled the words I repeated now.
“‘You’re a demon and a stain upon the world. A spawn of Hell deserves this much. You’re a monster, and no one could ever really love a monster.’”
“That’s such bullshit,” Serenity hissed, pulling me closer.
I dropped my head onto her shoulder and let her hold me.
I was suddenly so tired. “My heart hardened every day in that well. My hatred for humans grew. I realized they were all greedy bastards who only sought their own embetterment. They were liars and hypocrites, claiming that their fights and actions were justified, even while being tainted with something far more sinister than anything I’d ever been.
I vowed to never, ever trust them again, to never let my walls down again, to never open myself up to be tricked or abused by their wickedness. ”
I blew out a breath and pulled back to meet her gaze once more. “And I had been doing that pretty damn well. I played nice with humans when I needed to eat. I used them as they liked to use me, and I was content to live with my hatred for them.”
A fluttering warmth filled my veins as I tucked some of her silver curls behind her ear.
“Until a certain human stepped into my path and flipped all of that on its head. This human with stars for eyes showed me that not all humans are the same, and, maybe, the right one can love a monster like me after all. Or maybe I’m not a monster at all.
For the right human, I’m … the night sky. ”
“Dante,” she choked, a single tear falling down her cheek.
“I’m so, so sorry. I can’t even imagine …
I hope they all suffered terribly for what they did to you.
I don’t even care if that makes me a bad person.
They’re all fucking bastards, and I hope they’re rotting in the worst afterlife possible! ”
I brushed her tears with my thumb and cupped her cheek.
I’d seen plenty of humans cry because of me—humans infatuated with the pleasure I gave them mourning the day I left, humans who crossed me and found a murderous demon hunting them down.
This was the first time one had cried for me, and despite the ache still filling my chest from the memories, I actually found myself feeling lighter.
“I was pretty bitter because of what happened,” I told her honestly.
“It warped … well, everything. How I looked at myself and other demons. How I looked at mortals and their true characters. How I looked at love as life’s greatest lie.
I won’t deny it. The entire experience fucked me up, and …
” I paused as deep regret wove through my insides.
“I hurt you because of it. I was determined to fuck Bradley over, seeing as he was a prime example of the type of person I hated most. I used you to do that. Until …”
“Until?” she urged carefully.
I twirled the end of her curly hair and dropped my voice. “Until I realized you were so much more than a point to be made to some asshole. Until I realized you were nothing like the humans I loathed. Until I realized that I now believe in the one thing I’d been so against.”
The faintest hint of a smile tugged at her lip, and the glimmer of it made light ricochet around my chest. I’d missed that smile, and I’d treasure it properly this time.
I’d treasure her. We were two broken souls, aimlessly wandering around this dark place, yet somehow, we’d collided and became a little less broken because of it.
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Star,” I whispered.
She grabbed my hands and squeezed them before shaking her head. “You don’t need to apologize. I don’t blame you for anything. I—I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m so sorry you’ve lived with this all this time and suffered alone.”
“Thankfully, I’m not alone anymore. I have you.”
Worry immediately furrowed her brow, and she averted her nervous gaze. “A-Are you sure you want me? I’ll probably be a pain sometimes. I can be negative or spiral. I don’t have much to offer, but—”
I pressed my lips to hers to cut off the self-deprecating speech. She’d learned to see and think of herself as a worthless burden, someone that would only be wanted when she gave something. That ended now.
Pulling back, I said, “This isn’t a business transaction. You don’t have to do anything to be wanted. You existing is enough for me. You as you are is enough.”
More tears lined her eyes, but there was a brightening in that gaze, like a heavy cloud had been lifted from over the shining light within.
I smiled and finished, “You’re stuck with me, Star. You’re stuck with this demon forever.”
She leaned into me and kissed me softly. “There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with.”
Salt gathered on my tongue, so I pulled back to find her smiling brightly at me with tears rolling down her face.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for stopping me. Thank you for giving me hope for a tomorrow I didn’t want to come.”
My heart squeezed. I wrapped her in my arms and held her close while she clung to me just as hard and cried quietly into my chest. I rested my chin on top of her head and let her get out everything she’d been holding in.
“Your book is still open, baby,” I told her. “The next chapter is ready for you, and this one starts it all. This is the moment you start prioritizing you and your happiness, because you’ve been worried about everyone else’s for too long. This next chapter is yours.”
She breathed in and out shakily against my chest. Even with her face tucked into me, I heard her sweet yet muffled reply.
“Mine.”