Chapter 36
Serenity
I’D NEVER FELT LIKE I had the freedom to claim the next chapter as mine. Everything else seemed to claim it before I even considered doing so. But Dante was right.
This next chapter was mine.
It was time to prioritize Serenity.
While that was easier said than done, it helped that I had someone by my side who was invested in seeing me happy. I wasn’t used to that, but it made me excited. For the first time, I actually wanted to find my happiness.
That began with writing.
With my trilogy done, there were entire new ideas swimming around my head, and I struggled with which one to choose.
Doubt often made it hard. What if the few readers I had didn’t want to wait on a new book?
What if I picked a concept and someone else had already done it better than what I could do?
What if I poured my all into the pages, only to be met by indifference, dislike, or silence?
My foot tapped restlessly where it draped over the edge of the circular window seat in Dante’s library. I’d gotten comfy in a pair of sweatpants, a cardigan, and a tank top, all things Dante had returned to my place to get for me while he’d grabbed all the essentials for writing.
A week had passed since I’d reached my darkest point, yet I still hadn’t returned to my apartment.
Going back right now felt like going back to the memories and emotions I’d left there, and I wasn’t ready to face that yet.
Not when the dark desire to give in was still so fresh.
Not when I was trying to start this new chapter about happiness and what that looked like for me.
I huffed and stared at the blank lined page of my notebook, clicking my pen to the same tempo at which I tapped my foot.
I bounced my foot so hard that the messy bun on top of my head wobbled around like a bobble head.
I had so many words and so many ideas that they practically tripped over each other in a surge to get out, to get away from the voice chasing them.
You’ll never be good enough.
You’ll never make it.
You’ll never achieve your dream.
I closed my eyes and grimaced, dropping my pen so that I could hang my head in my hands. My foot tapping ramped up as the voices grew louder.
The smell of fresh coffee wafted across my nose. I peered between my fingers and found Dante sitting across from me, holding one steaming mug close to his bare chest while holding a second one out to me.
“I thought you could use a break,” Dante declared. The fading sunlight glinted on his nose piercing and cast shadows around his handsome features.
I blew out an incredulous breath and accepted the drink. “I haven’t even started.”
“That’s not true,” he stated casually. “You may not have written anything down yet, but you’ve done a lot up here.” He tapped the side of his forehead. “Progress is progress, no matter how small or invisible it is.”
I leaned back and pulled my knees to my chest. I rested my mug on my knees and held it with both hands, settling into the warmth radiating into my palms. “Thank you. I’m trying to figure out what to write, but there’s just so much going on in my head.”
“Like?”
I shrugged helplessly. “Like what if people don’t like it?”
“Don’t write for other people. Write for you. Write the story you’d want to read, and that will inevitably be one that others want, too. That’s all you need to do.”
Write for me.
I swallowed hard. “You think I should choose the story idea that I want most, not the one that would market the best?”
“I do.”
“But—”
He pressed his finger to my lips. “No buts. You can do this. You’re so fucking talented.
Your stories are some of the best I’ve ever read, and you’ve seen how much I read.
” He gestured around his library as though to emphasize his point.
“The world needs what you write. So give it to them, baby. Give them the story you want.”
I smiled softly behind his finger. “Okay. I’ll try.”
“Good girl.” He stood while sipping on his coffee. “While you do that, I’ve gotta run an errand. Are you okay here? Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine. Thank you.”
“I’ll be back soon.” He leaned down to kiss my temple. “Hopefully, you’ll have a chapter or two done that I can read when I come back.”
His excitement for my story made my own grow. I’d never had someone close to me who cared about the worlds I created or the success of my dream. I’d been alone in those feelings, but … I wasn’t alone anymore.
With Dante running his errand, I downed my own coffee, retightened my messy bun, braced my notebook on my bent knees, and began to write.
I had older ideas than this one, just as I had ideas that were more in line with what people tended to buy.
But I wasn’t writing for them. I was writing for me.
This was the story I was most excited for, and choosing that over the others felt like a huge step in a new direction.
Dante had thrown a rope down into the dark hole I’d found myself in, and choosing myself in this moment felt like the first tug upward.
Shadows slowly crept across the pages as I wrote.
I chewed on my thumbnail with a faint, thrilled grin on my lips.
The enemies-to-lovers fantasy tale just seemed to pour out of me.
I didn’t notice that the sun had faded or that my coffee had gone cold.
With the warm glow of the fire and lamps in the library, I remained rooted in place, delighted to feel a flicker of light dancing in my soul.
It had been so long since that creative, excited feeling hummed, and even though I knew doubt would start up eventually, I told myself to hold onto this electrifying feeling for now.
I turned the page to finish out the third chapter when a different kind of shadow appeared on the paper. I looked up to find Dante back, hands behind him as he knelt over me to see my work.
“Wow! You’re multiple pages into that notebook,” he beamed.
I smiled and fanned through the pages now adorned in blue ink. “Three chapters in.”
“Amazing,” Dante praised. “I’m already itching to read it. But first, I have something for you.”
He stepped back and offered me his hand. I took it. He hauled me up and against his chest before shadows swirled around us. When they cleared, I found myself staring up at Dante, but behind him was … the outside of his house?
I quirked a brow. “What—”
He grabbed my shoulders and turned me around. The grassy backyard I remembered had been utterly transformed, but it wasn’t the small house, man-made stream and pool, or toys that made my jaw drop.
Dante came around me to look at the two tan, round lumps sitting by the stream. He cleared his throat. “It’s a capybara. Well, two, to be exact.”
The two heads swiveled in our direction and stared at me.
“Did you know?” Dante barreled on. “It’s legal to own capybaras in the state of Tennessee.” He shrugged. “Not that legalities would’ve stopped me.”
I covered my wide smile with both hands as I fell to my knees to get level with the two small capybaras. “Oh my gosh! Holy shit! I’m gonna cry. Is this real?”
Dante chuckled and knelt beside me. “It’s real. I know some demons who managed to spruce up the yard for me, ensuring I could meet all the capybara’s needs. Fencing, heated pool for when it’s cold, a mansion for them to call their own. I got two because—”
“Capybars are social and need to bond,” I sniffled, beaming at the two precious animals who decided to approach.
“Yeah. I guess you know all about the creatures, huh? Well, one’s a boy and one’s a girl. Figured you could name them since they’re yours.”
“Hi,” I greeted happily as the capybara pups sniffed my outstretched hands. “This feels like a dream.”
“It’s not.” Dante rubbed a finger over the head of the closest one. “It’s real, baby.”
One of the two capybaras prodded my folded legs, testing its safety. I held my breath and watched it with overwhelming excitement as it decided to hop into my lap. I barely managed to contain my squeal as I pet my new coarse-haired friend for the first time.
Happy tears rimmed my eyes, and I tilted my head back to keep the stupid drops from seeping out. “I’m so happy. I love them so much!”
Dante placed his hand on the small of my back before picking the other round capybara up to deposit it in my lap with its friend. I pet them, talking and cooing to them like they were the most precious babies on earth.
Dante pointed at the small house at the back of the yard. “I got them their very own house to fill with a bunch of babies, but I assume you’re going to want them close by, right?”
I grinned at him in lieu of answering.
He smirked and nodded his head toward his house. “Figured. So I actually installed a doggie door for them to go in and out of the house, too. We’ll have to teach them how to use it, but I—”
I leaned in to press a soft kiss on Dante’s bearded jaw. His dark eyes widened, and he slowly turned his head to look at me. I beamed at him, my broken soul soaring with more joy, hope, and life than it had in a long time.
“Thank you,” I whispered hoarsely.
He cleared his throat and looked at the two content capybaras in my lap.
“It’s not a big deal. I read in a book that animals are a great source of emotional support for those who struggle with mental health.
When I realized you could have capybaras in Tennessee, it was a no brainer.
I’m sure others would recommend a dog or—”
“I don’t mean thank you for just this, Dante.
” I reached out to grab and squeeze his hand.
“Everything. Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me the space to not be okay. Thank you for not hating me when I was struggling. Thank you for believing in me and seeing me and hearing me. Thank you for being my friend. Just … Thank you, Dante. Thank you for being you.”
He stared hard at me. His throat bobbed on a hard swallow while his gaze searched mine. Finally, he announced huskily, “I really want to kiss you.”
My lip twitched with the threat of another smile. “Then do it.”
He leaned down, and his lips found mine.
Sparks skurried through my insides like ecstatic tap dancers.
The softness of his kiss was unexpected, and I leaned into the sweet feeling, opening for the slow glide of his tongue.
These kisses with Dante were some of my favorites.
Unhurried, gentle, tender. It was amazing how so much could be expressed without a single word being spoken.
I care about you.
I want you.
You matter to me.
All that and more passed between us with each sweep of our lips and tongues. Even when we finally pulled apart to rest our foreheads together, the message remained. The feelings remained.
“I love you,” we said at the same time.
We pulled back to look at the other. He let out a small laugh that I joined in on. Still grinning, he put his arm around me and tucked me into his side while I looked down at the snoozing pups in my lap.
Life was messy, and I knew dark days and moments would find me again. But right now, I was happy, and I was determined to hold onto that for as long as possible.