Diary Entry 211
Dear Twila,
I started this diary when I needed someone to talk to. I started this diary when there was a deep, aching void inside of me that showed no sign of ever easing. I started this diary when I was alone in the world.
You were that one space for me for a long time, Twila. You were where I could pour my soul out without fear of judgment or repercussion. You were my safe space when I had none.
Now I have one. I have him—a friend, a partner, a space to rest when weary and to shine when I’m soaring. Yeah. I’m not alone anymore.
I’ve finally found someone I can talk to, someone who doesn’t judge me for the turns my mind can take, someone who reminds me, even in the hard times, that there’s light at the end of the hard, dark journey.
I’m okay now.
And when I’m not okay, Dante’s there to remind me that it’s okay if I’m not fine.
He reminds me that those dark days aren’t something I have to run from and hide.
The bad days don’t define me, and they certainly don’t lessen my worth.
I’m not broken and in need of fixing. Struggling doesn’t mean damaged.
Life is super fucking hard. The world can be a nasty place, and it can really mess with a person’s mind. Whether it’s outside noise or my own voice, I can find myself getting lost in the murky hollowness of uncertainty and self-loathing.
But I’m learning how to navigate that. I’m learning how to love and believe in myself. I’m learning that “lost” doesn’t mean “over.” It’s okay to get lost. It’s okay to struggle. That means I’m still trying, and when it’s too hard to try anymore, it’s okay to rest.
I know all of this sounds easy or like common sense, but it’s been a huge lesson for me. Discovering this took getting lost and stumbling into a demon. Unlike the ones I’ve been running from, he is brave, beautiful, and strong. He helps me to be those things, too.
I guess that’s why it’s okay to end this here. You heard me. This will be my last entry, Twila.
Thank you for listening to me all this time. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m no longer afraid of feeling everything that comes with being alive. I’m no longer afraid of who I am and everything I feel. I’m no longer lonely.
Because I am brave.
Because I am beautiful.
Because I am strong.
Because I am alive.
I bet you never thought you’d see me say those things. Dante can’t take all of the credit, of course. All of my new friends, Penelope and Franklin, my budding author career—they all contributed. You were a big part of getting me here, too.
You, my darling soul, are worth so much more than what you always thought.
So for one last time, I write to you.
Take care, Twila.
Take care, me.
You have so much life ahead of you.
With love to the girl I used to hate. With love to the girl I now embrace.
For the first time, with love,
Serenity