Chapter Thirty-Six
Ella
Five days passed. I remained lying in bed watching reality TV shows, keeping a low profile and staying out of everyone’s way.
Philip hadn’t called or messaged, and I hadn’t received a lawyer’s letter through the post yet, which, to be honest, I was half expecting to say he was suing me for defamation of character. But nothing. Absolute silence.
Instead of work, I spent the week eating my way through Glasgow’s finest cuisine, and my normally pristine home became a cluttered pit of my own depression.
I couldn’t face anyone, and I felt completely devastated by what I had done to Philip.
My friends had tried FaceTiming me a few times each day, but I never answered, opting to text them instead.
They had ‘exciting’ updates on the website, such as that we now had over five thousand subscribers.
The Daily Record even offered us a story about how the Dicktionary Club was founded, but I refused to discuss it.
I knew we had started with great intentions, but this project had left me with nothing but regrets.
It had also left all three of us unemployed, Zola unengaged, and Katy battling her way through the worst bout of genital thrush known to womankind.
I cleared my throat. ‘Hello?’
‘Open up, biatch!’ Katy’s bright voice blared out.
I sighed heavily. ‘Honestly, I’m not up for company, Katy. I’m sorry.’
‘Hmm, I’m afraid you don’t have a choice in the matter,’ Zola said.
Grudgingly, I pressed to let my friends in and opened the front door before making my way back to the sofa and flopping down.
I heard the door slam shut and my friends muttering quietly as they entered my flat.
‘Hey!’ Zola jumped when she saw me. ‘What’s up, Ella?’
I knew I looked terrible. My skin felt dry with my lack of water and skincare routine and I hadn’t washed my hair since the exhibition, but I didn’t expect to give her an actual jump scare.
‘Jesus, Ella, your house!’ Katy glanced around at the clutter of takeout boxes and dirty dishes in the sink. ‘This isn’t like you, hun.’
‘So, you’re coping well, I see?’ Zola asked, sitting down beside me.
I raised a brow back.
‘Zo and I have been chatting,’ Katy began, ‘and we’ve decided, if you agree, we should take the website down at the end of the month.’
I sat up, surprised. ‘Really?’
Zola gulped. ‘Really. And I hate to say it, but you were right, Ella. It’s not us, babe.
We wanted to do something nice, you know, female empowerment and all that jazz.
But this has brought nothing but unnecessary drama.
Not only with Philip – you should see the emails we’re getting from scorned women and adulterous men!
We don’t even know what’s fact or fiction anymore. ’
A wave of relief washed through me. I wanted nothing more than to put the Dicktionary Club behind me and forget it ever happened.
‘But why the end of the month? We could take it down now,’ I said.
‘We have to fulfil the month’s membership for everyone who’s paid. And it means we have a bit of money behind us. Maybe we could .?.?.’ Zola looked at Katy, who seemed like she would burst with excitement at any moment.
‘We could start our own marketing company!’ she exclaimed.
‘The three of us?’ I asked, processing the idea.
‘Yes! Think about it, Ella. We only stayed at Smart fricking Reputations because of our friendship, and we are bloody good at our jobs, but no thanks to Andrea. We could totally do this together.’ Zola was sitting forward, eagerness radiating off her.
I could feel the excitement bouncing back and forth between them.
Right now, though, I couldn’t imagine ever leaving the house again, never mind running my own company.
‘We finally have the money to start this up, Ella,’ Katy said, urging me for a response.
I stood up and walked over to the window.
The sun was shining over the most beautiful Glasgow landscape.
I took my time, thinking it over. I knew we were all hardworking and really great at our jobs, and I wondered if a few of my closest clients would jump ship if we took the plunge or if the scandal would be too much for them. Finally, I breathed.
‘C’mon. What do you think, babe?’ Zola asked again.
‘She hates the idea,’ Katy muttered dramatically.
‘No.’ I turned to my friends. ‘I don’t hate the idea at all. If we can make something good come out of the Dicktionary Club, we should.’
My friends leaped towards me, hugging me tightly for a few moments.
‘We’ll need to decide on a name, and we could work from someone’s home until we have a premises,’ Katy said, already getting carried away.
‘Well, it won’t be my place,’ Zola mumbled.
‘Still not speaking to Curtis?’ I asked.
She shook her head. ‘And Philip?’
I sighed. ‘Not a word.’
‘God, what must he be thinking?’ Katy said. ‘His secretary RSVPed him earlier for the awards show tonight, so at least he’s going out in public.’
‘Who?’ I asked.
‘Philip! It’s the hospitality awards, remember? Blaze Boost is sponsoring it, and I set you both up on the front row. I’m still copied in on the emails.’
I felt a sting, knowing I was supposed to be his date for the evening. ‘Well, I hope he has fun, I guess.’
‘Oh, for fuck’s sake, Ella!’ Zola shouted.
‘What?’ I turned to her, not sure why I was getting called out.
‘Go and bloody talk to him,’ she said, looking massively frustrated with me.
‘What? Why would I do that?’ I chuckled a little. ‘Jesus Christ, Zo! He knows where I live if he wanted to sort any of this out, and I don’t blame him for not wanting to after what we did.’
Zola shook her head. ‘And that’s it then? Look, Ella, Philip is the first man you’ve had feelings for in God knows how many years, right? Why would you let him go without even attempting to fix this?’
I turned to Katy for backup, but she lowered her head, avoiding my gaze.
‘I .?.?. I did try, Zola. Remember me in a slinky red dress and gold heels chasing a man down a set of stairs? That was trying! He didn’t want to listen. He turned his back on me.’ I shrugged. ‘These things happen in life .?.?.’
Silence filled the room.
Eventually, Katy spoke up. ‘I sort of think Zola’s right, Ella.’
I rolled my eyes, flopping my head back.
‘You don’t take chances, El, you play everything so safe when it comes to your feelings. But Philip was different. In a few short weeks, he got you. You opened up to him, and you deserve a second chance if he makes you happy.’
I felt my eyes turn heavy. ‘What I wrote, what he thinks I think about him, was so horrible. It was so untrue.’
‘Well, go fucking tell him that then!’ Zola snapped back.
‘Philip deserves a full explanation. You deserve a second chance. If he hears you out and still doesn’t want to go forward, then that’s OK. At least you’ve tried, right?’ Katy said.
Zola agreed. ‘Imagine spending the rest of your life wondering what could have happened if you didn’t at least try to apologise. Girl, come on!’
I looked at Zola’s face, then my gaze went back to Katy’s.
‘What time is the awards show?’ I asked.
‘It starts at seven,’ Katy replied.
‘You really think I could sneak in? What if Andrea’s lurking about?’
Katy laughed. ‘Trust me, she won’t be expecting you. Sneaking in is so not something you would do.’
I paused, wondering, as anxious butterflies swarmed my stomach.
‘It would feel good to apologise properly,’ I said. I bit my lip, weighing up my options. ‘And I won’t know if I don’t try, right?’
Zola grinned. ‘Too right, you fucking won’t! You in?’
Eventually, I nodded back, giggling anxiously. ‘Yes, I’m in. I think .?.?.’
Both of my friends began cheering and hollering, then ushered me into the bathroom to begin getting ready.
Outside in the hall, Katy skimmed Zola up and down. ‘You know, you’re great at dishing out advice, but maybe you should take it at times, too.’
Zola grinned widely. ‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Oh, you know exactly what it means. You’ve been avoiding Curtis, hoping he comes to you when you were the one who was in the wrong. But you deserve a second chance just as much as Ella does. That’s if you want one?’
There was a long pause.
‘I don’t know what I want, Katy. That’s the thing. And I don’t know what he wants either,’ Zola said, holding her head in her hands.
‘Well, you’re not going to find out sitting here, are you? Go and talk it out, Zo. He deserves that. You deserve that.’
‘I suppose,’ Zola groaned.
‘Don’t be nervous, it’s Curtis, right? Just talk it through. See where you both stand, and everything will seem much clearer after that.’
Zola headed towards the door, then turned to Katy.
‘What if he’s not forgiven me yet? And what if he doesn’t want to talk it through?’
Katy shrugged. ‘Well, then you know you’ve tried. But be honest with him, Zo: things were falling apart before Alvaro. You shouldn’t have done what you did, but there is more than a drunken finger blast to discuss.’
Zola managed a smirk. ‘Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, babe.’