CHAPTER TWENTY | London #2
I’m not sure I even want children, I think but don’t say. It’s not something I’ve ever given a ton of thought to. In truth, whenever I thought about the future, there were only two things I could ever see. Dance... and Penn.
I gave up one in search for the other, only to lose the one and find my way back to the other again. Funny how life seems to always bring us back to where we truly belong.
I smile at the thought. Of Penn. Of the last few days. Of how I feel happier than I have in a very, very long time.
He makes me feel... alive. Alive in a way I didn’t know I could feel outside of a stage.
“I’m sorry,” I say instead of arguing with my mom. She’s right. I should have texted her at the very least.
“Can I expect you home today or is Josie going to require further nights of your company?” Something about the way she says this gives me pause. “And by Josie, I mean Penn.”
“What... I...”
“Your father saw you arrive at the docks yesterday in Penn’s truck after he noted my car in the parking lot earlier that morning and yet you never showed for work. We put two and two together. Though why you felt the need to lie...”
“I’m sorry.” I apologize a second time. “I just...”
“Didn’t want to overcomplicate an already complicated situation.” She finishes my thought as if she reached inside my head and pulled the words out herself.
“Exactly.” I blow out a breath.
“You know that you can tell me anything, right?”
“I know.” Guilt swarms my chest.
My mom used to be the person I told everything to.
Even as a teenager. She knew about me and Penn’s first kiss the night it happened.
The first time we made love, though I gave very little detail because some things are meant to be kept to yourself.
I’d confide in her when things were perfect and when they weren’t.
But things haven’t been the same between us since I left for New York.
There’s been this invisible rift, something we both feel but neither has addressed.
“I didn’t really know what to say,” I admit. “We haven’t exactly talked about what we’re doing here.”
“I didn’t even know you two were talking again. Last you told me, he was being quite curt with you.”
“He was. It... Well, it all sort of happened kind of fast.”
“And how are you feeling about this?”
“Happy,” I say without hesitation.
“Well, then I’m happy too.” I can hear the smile in her voice.
“Thank you.”
“But that doesn’t mean you should be missing work. It’s easy to let the lines between professional and personal blur, but while you’re still working for Penn, you can’t let it.”
“I know.” I blow out a breath. “Wait, how did you...” I start to ask but then quickly answer my own question. “Dad.”
“Dad,” she confirms.
“Mom, I’m...” I start to apologize again, when I hear what sounds like knocking. “Hang on.” I pause, listening more closely. The knocking resumes, this time a little louder.
Standing, I slip on the first thing I find—one of Penn’s T-shirts before padding across the bedroom floor to peek out the window—stomach dropping when I see a little red car sitting in his driveway.
“Shoot,” I mutter. “Mom, I gotta go.”
“Everything okay?”
“Cat’s here.”
“Oh. Maybe you should pretend no one’s home.” She suggests. Even my mom knows how crazy Cat can be sometimes.
“Something tells me she knows I’m here. Otherwise, why would she be knocking when Penn’s truck isn’t here?”
“Good point. Call me if you need backup.”
“Will do. Thanks, Mom.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.” I quickly end the call, scouring the floor for my panties, which I locate at the foot of the bed. After slipping them on, I tiptoe through the house, still not entirely sure if answering the door is the right move.
On one hand, it would be a way to stake my claim, so to speak. On the other, it could cause unnecessary issues that I really don’t need right now.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I stop just shy of the door.
“I know you’re here, London. Answer the door.” This time when she knocks, it sounds more like she’s closed-fist pounding.
“Crap,” I mutter, closing the distance between me and the door. When I jerk it open, she has her hand raised like she’s about to knock again.
She takes one look at me and her expression shifts, the mask of anger slipping just long enough for me to see the hurt behind it. Though I don’t know why she’d be hurt. She was the one sleeping with my ex. If anything, I should be the one upset.
I no more than blink and that look of irritated indifference is back.
“Can I help you?” I try to keep the sneer off my face.
I don’t like Cat. It’s hard to pretend otherwise when I’m standing in Penn’s house in my underwear.
“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you? You’ve been back what? A month? And already you’re sleeping with my boyfriend.”
“He’s not your boyfriend. Last time I checked, he never was,” I retort, holding onto my composure with a death grip.
With the way I’m feeling right now, this is not the time for Cat to start something with me. I think she’ll find I won’t be as friendly as I usually force myself to be.
“Six months. That’s how long we were seeing each other. And you know what, things were really good. That is, until you crawled back into town like the pathetic wretch that you are and ruined everything.”
Okay, so clearly the gloves are off. She wants to take cheap shots. I can throw them right back at her.
“I took an Uber. I didn’t crawl.” I let my pettiness get the better of me. “And you were sleeping together, not seeing each other. Very different.”
“He told me he loved me.”
“Yeah, the day before he ended things with you, if memory serves. You weren’t exactly subtle at the restaurant.” I smirk to drive my point home.
“That’s just because he was scared of his feelings for me.”
“Is that so? Then why am I here, exactly?” I gesture around at nothing in particular.
“To try and make me jealous.”
“If he was trying to make you jealous, he would have flaunted me in your face. This isn’t about you or jealousy. Penn and I love each other. We always have.”
“Until you leave him again.”
“A mistake I won’t make a second time.”
“So you say. I wonder how long it’ll take you to run away when you see Penn and me happy, raising our family together.”
I guffaw.
“Like that will ever happen.” I mean, honestly, what the heck is this girl smoking? Cat’s always inflated her importance, but to imply that someday she and Penn are going to have a family together is ludicrous.
“Laugh now. Let’s see how hard you’re laughing when Penn drops you the second he finds out that I’m pregnant with his baby.”
“Nice try.” I move to shut the door in her face, but her hand juts out, stopping it mid-swing.
“I’m serious.” She digs into her bag, pulling something out that I don’t recognize until she practically shoves it in my face. “Eight weeks.” She forces the ultrasound prints into my hand.
I stare down at them, mind not able to process what I’m looking at. I’ve never seen an ultrasound photo of a baby before and even if I had, I still don’t think I would believe what I’m seeing. Cat is pregnant... With Penn’s child... I can’t quite get my mind wrapped around what she’s telling me.
“You know Penn well enough to know that he’s not going to walk away from his own child.
” She snatches the photos from my hand even though I’ve barely looked at them.
“We will be a family, so whatever this is”—she gestures to me like I’m a pile of dog poop someone left in their front yard—“it’s over now. ”
Her words snap me from my trance.
No way this is real...
But even if it is...
“I think Penn will be the one to decide that.” I clamp my teeth so hard I swear I can feel molars crack under the pressure. It’s the only way I can keep myself from saying more.
I want to tear into her. I want to list all the reasons why I hate her.
Why I’ve always hated her. Why Penn would never choose her.
But I know that’s not going to do anything but give her exactly what she wants—something to play against me.
That is, if what she’s saying is true. But that can’t be. .. Can it?
“Are you really going to stand in the way of a child being raised by both of her parents?”
“It’s a girl?” I croak, the reality of what she’s actually saying finally starting to take root. Cat may be capable of a lot of things, but faking a pregnancy? Even that seems too far for her to go.
“I don’t know yet.” She touches her belly. “But I think so.” The smile that tugs up the corners of her mouth makes me feel sick, and it has nothing to do with the hangover still turning my stomach sour.
“Penn doesn’t have to be with you to be there for his child.” I force the words out even though they taste like bitter acid on my tongue.
If this is true, if she really is pregnant, then this is over whether I want it to be or not. I’m not the type of woman to share and with a child involved, I’d have no choice.
I watch it happen in slow motion, the future we could have had, our second chance, going up in flames.
Could I really be with him, watch him raise a child that isn’t mine?
I know myself well enough to know that I don’t think I could. Not with the child’s mother being Cat freaking Stewart. A woman who will make my life miserable at every turn.
“You think he’ll have it any other way?” she fires back.
I don’t know what to say to that because honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know what Penn will or won’t do. As much as I like to pretend he’s still the same Penn he’s always been, that simply isn’t true. Seven years is a long time. I know I’ve changed a lot. I’d be na?ve to believe he hasn’t as well.
“Is there a reason you’re here telling me all of this instead of speaking to him directly?” I cross my arms in front of my chest, drawing my attention back to the fact that I’m still half naked.
“I wanted to give you the chance to do the right thing.”
“And what do you think the right thing is?” I give her attitude right back to her.
“For you to walk away.”
Even if that’s what I would be forced to do if what she’s saying turns out to actually be true, I would never admit it to her.
“Oh, you’d love that, wouldn’t you? You know what I think?
” A humorless smile crosses my face. “I think you came here in hopes of guilting me into leaving Penn because you know that if given the choice, he’ll choose me.
” I say it as if there could be no other outcome even though deep down, I’m not entirely convinced of this fact.
“So why would I ever give you what you want?”
“It’s not about me. Hell, it’s not even about you or Penn. It’s about this child and the fact that he or she deserves to be raised with both of their parents. Would you really deny a child of this simply because you’re too selfish to step aside?”
“People raise their kids separately all the time. In fact, your parents are not together.” Though as I say it, I realize that’s probably not the best way to support my case, given that she’s a horrible human being.
“Something I felt every single day of my childhood. I won’t do that to my own child.”
“You may not have a choice. You can’t force him to love you, you know?”
“Maybe not, but he will. This child is going to create an unbreakable bond between us.”
Her words hit exactly where she intends them to. Because she’s right. Sharing a child together does tie them in a way that nothing and no one can change. She will be a part of his life and an important one at that, even if only for the child’s sake.
“Who are you trying to convince? If he didn’t love you before you were pregnant, a baby isn’t going to miraculously change that.” I refuse to let her see she’s rattled me. I wouldn’t dream of giving her the satisfaction.
“Why do you not seem so sure?” She smiles, clearly seeing something in my face that I don’t intend for her to see.
I can stand here and argue with her until I’m blue in the face, but the fact still remains that if this is true, Penn is going to be having a baby with her. A baby. There’s no way this doesn’t change things. Hell, there’s no way this doesn’t change everything.
“You need to go.”
“Or maybe you do, considering you’re standing half naked in my future home.”
Her words stir something in me, a realization of sorts.
“You did this on purpose.” I say the words at the same time I think them.
“What?” She draws back like I’ve slapped her.
“You did this on purpose. You’re trying to trap him.”
“How dare you!” She flattens her palm to her chest like I’ve just said the most unimaginably offensive thing in the world.
Doesn’t change the fact that I’m 99.9 percent sure it’s true.
“How dare I? Look at you, look at the lengths you’re willing to go to in order to be with a man who was only sleeping with you to hurt me.”
I don’t have proof, but I suspected this the first time I saw them together. The way he almost seemed to flaunt her in my face even though he always hated Cat, maybe even more than I did. Whether it’s true or not, I still get a weird sense of satisfaction throwing it in her face.
She knew I was here. No doubt someone at the restaurant saw me leave with Penn last night.
News in this town travels fast and given how much I drank, I know with complete certainty that I was all over him all night.
She came here with the sole purpose of pushing me out of Penn’s life and while this news is something I’m going to need time to sit with, I won’t let her bully me into walking away.
I did that once and it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
Whatever the outcome, we will make this work... But even as I think it, I’m not so sure.
“We started seeing each other long before you came to town. What we had, what we have, has nothing to do with you.” She sneers.
“Which is why he dropped you the second I came back into the picture.” Pleasantries are long gone at this point, so now I’m going to hit her where it hurts.
“We’ll see who drops who once he finds out that I’m carrying his child,” she warns. “I don’t even know why I bothered. I thought I could reason with an old friend, but clearly that was a mistake. You’re too immature and selfish to do the right thing.”
“Me?” I gape openly at her. Pretty sure we’re living in two entirely different realities.
“You could have made it easy on him, but now you’re going to make him choose between you and his child.
Who do you think he’s going to choose? I can promise it won’t be you.
” She backs away from the doorframe, a smile on her face.
“Enjoy this while it lasts, London. Because when I tell him it’s you or the baby, I think we both know your time will be up.
” With that, she spins around and walks away.