CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR | London
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
London
“You can do this,” I reassure myself for the millionth time as I make my way to Penn’s house. In truth, I don’t even know if he’s home, but I knew if I didn’t do this right now, I might never, so here I am, taking the leap.
It’s been a little over a week since the last time I saw him. He probably thinks I’m in another state at this point. Little does he know, I never left Wren Cove.
Trust me, I wanted to. I just didn’t have the means to.
My parents did not support the decision, therefore refused to help me and well, you can’t exactly hit the road when you have nowhere to go, no car to get you there, and you only have enough money to last you a week, maybe two if you’re frugal.
While it may have been my knee-jerk reaction to leave, I’m glad I wasn’t able to. I would have regretted it; that much I know with complete certainty. Last time, I was running toward something. This time I would have just been running away. As if distance was the answer.
So what have I been doing for the last nine days, you ask?
Hiding and sulking.
I think that pretty much sums it up.
Well, that and I’ve been working on a business model to present to the bank when I apply for my very first business loan next week.
I’ve decided I’m tired of trying to outrun the life I thought I didn’t want and start living the one I have.
As much as I wish I had come up with the idea myself, it still doesn’t change the fact that it was a good one. Since I lost dance, I’ve been floundering, a fish out of water. I don’t want to look back a decade from now and realize I’m still trying to find my way back to the sea.
I want to do something that will bring joy to my life. That will give me purpose. That will allow me to give to others what was tragically taken from me—a chance.
Despite my best efforts to sabotage this opportunity, everything is starting to fall into place, with one very large exception. Penn Kade.
I hate how we left things.
I hate the things I said.
But even more importantly, I hate the things I didn’t say.
I’ve thought about this a lot over the last few days and there’s one fact I keep coming back to—a life with Penn, no matter how complicated, is better than any life without him.
I learned that the hard way the first time around. It’s not a lesson I need to learn a second time.
I just hope it’s not too late.
Turning onto his street, I do my best not to let my nerves get the better of me. It would be so easy to turn around and forget this whole hairbrained scheme, but then I’d be accepting defeat and I’ve accepted enough of that to last me a lifetime.
Some things that were taken from me, I will never get back. It’s not a choice, it’s a fact. But when it comes to this, there’s still hope, there’s still a chance, and for me, that’s all I need. A chance. The opportunity to make things right, once and for all.
I pull into Penn’s driveway, putting the car in park even though his truck isn’t here.
I’ve come this far. I’m not leaving until I’ve had a chance to talk to him.
I’ve made a mess of everything where Penn is concerned. Seven years ago and again when I came back. For some reason, I can’t seem to get out of my own way. I keep screwing up. But my biggest screwup by far was leaving without telling him how I truly felt.
And that is why I’m here.
To lay it all out.
To tell him exactly what he means to me.
To love him—all of him—the baby included.
That is, if he’ll have me.
Putting the car in park, I take one last peek at myself in the rearview mirror before killing the engine.
“Well, here goes nothing.” I give myself maybe the worst pep talk of all time.
Exiting the car, I spend several long seconds staring at the exterior of his home. A modest brick ranch that sits on about an acre of wooded land, giving it a secluded cabin feel even though it isn’t a cabin.
The landscaping is immaculate—not a weed in a sight—and while the home has to be at least fifty years old or more, it looks brand new on the outside as well as on the inside.
Penn has always been a bit of a neat freak. I guess that’s why we always worked so well. Not because I’m messy, per se... No, that’s exactly what I am. A hot mess and my life usually projects the chaos going on inside. Even in his youth, Penn has always been the quiet calm. My perfect opposite.
An image pops into my head. A little boy with dark hair and hazel eyes running around the front yard, terrorizing the little girl he’s chasing. Her brown braids bouncing as she tries to escape her brother, blue eyes shining brightly in the sunlight.
The picture is so clear it almost feels real. And I quickly realize this is what I stand to lose. A life with Penn. A family. Happiness.
Because we could be happy. Despite everything... I truly believe that.
“London?” I snap out of the daydream in an instant, looking toward the garage to see Walker emerge, weed eater in hand.
“I didn’t peg you as a lawncare kind of guy.” I blurt the first thing that comes to my head.
He gives me a lopsided smile and, for a brief moment, I’m taken by how handsome he is. You can say a lot about the Kade brothers, but one thing you can never do is call any of them ugly.
“I’m usually not, but Penn offered to pay me a grand to housesit and the only stipulation was I couldn’t have any parties, and I had to mow his lawn.”
“Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Don’t you have school, though?”
“Summer break.”
“Oh, duh.” I shake my head because, clearly, I should have realized that, given that it’s June and most universities let out in May. “Wait, why are you housesitting exactly?”
“Penn said he needed a few days on the water to clear his head. Beats me what that means. He’s always been a little dramatic, that one. Whatever, I’m just happy to get away from my mother for a bit. I love her, but damn...”
“As someone who is currently living with their parents, trust me, I get it,” I say, attempting to hide my disappointment that Penn isn’t here. “Do you know when Penn will be back?”
“No idea.”
“How long has he been gone?”
“Left two days ago. I can give him a message for you when he gets back. He didn’t take his cell with him. You can’t get much reception out there anyway. Otherwise, I’d say to text him.”
“He didn’t take his phone?” In this day and age, that seems absurd to me. “What if there’s an emergency?”
“Every boat has a radio. He can call for help if he needs it.”
Duh, I have to resist the urge to say.
“Right.” I rock back on my heels. “Well, I won’t keep you.” I gesture to the weed eater he’s still holding.
“Hey, London,” he calls just as I start to turn.
“Yeah?” I look back at him.
“Whatever is going on with you two, I really hope you work it out. He’s not nearly as big of a dick when you’re around.” He smiles, revealing a row of perfectly straight white teeth.
“Yeah, me too.” Is all I say before I head back to the car.
Walker throws me a wave as I back out of the driveway.
Fifteen minutes later, I park at the docks, looking out over the glistening water that almost seems to sparkle under the setting sun.
I know Walker said he’s out on the water, but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk to him. And I know just where to go to make that happen.
Making my way toward the ships, my heart rate spikes when I see The Independence is still docked. Quickening my steps, I hurry on board and scour the deck for a familiar face.
He sees me before I see him, a smile on his face as he heads my way.
“London?” Trav gives me a questioning look when he reaches me.
“Hey.”
“What are you—”
“I need to use the radio.”
“The radio?” He arches a brow.
“To call Penn.”
“Why do you need the radio to call Penn?”
“Because Walker said he was out on the water.”
“Left a couple of days ago,” he confirms.
“Can you reach him?”
“Sorry, London, but no can do. We were given specific instructions not to contact him.”
“And since when do you do what you’re told?” I give him a knowing look.
His smile returns as he studies me for a long moment.
“All right, fine. But if anyone asks, you broke into the control room and hijacked the radio yourself.”
“Deal.”
He looks around, double-checking that no one is watching.
“Come with me.”
Trying to make myself as small and unnoticeable as possible, I follow Travis across the deck, up a flight of stairs, and onto the bridge, ducking inside the small space.
“So, are you going to tell me what happened?” he asks, turning on the radio before entering a series of numbers.
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t been here in over a week.”
“Oh, that.” I laugh, but it feels forced and strained.
“Yeah, that.” He turns, putting his back to the radio as he faces me.
“It’s complicated.”
“Complicated how?”
“Complicated in a way I’m not sure I could explain even if I tried.”
“Try.”
“Let’s just say, Penn and I, well, we had a disagreement, which led to me resigning.”
“So you don’t actually work here anymore?”
I shake my head.
“Do you realize how much trouble you could get me in by being here?” He crosses his arms in front of his chest.
“I’m sorry. I really need to speak with Penn, and this is the only way.”
“I’m just messing with you.” He grins. “Penn isn’t going to fire me. If he was going to do that, he would have done it the day I kissed you.”
My face warms at the memory. More because I’m embarrassed by it than anything else.
“You’re probably right,” I agree, voice tight.
“If you need me to help you out again... just say the word.” He runs his tongue along his teeth in that easy, flirty way of his.
“Considering I owned up to why you kissed me, I’m not sure it would be as effective.” I feel the need to tell him.
“You ratted me out?”
“Guilty.” I grimace in apology.
“You’re lucky I like you.” He extends the radio mic toward me. “For the record, you could have just used the radio in Penn’s office.”
“Crap. I didn’t even think about that,” I admit. I mean, to be fair, he keeps it in a drawer, and I almost never see him use it, so I guess I just wasn’t thinking.