CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR | London #2
“Here. It’s all set. No promises that he answers, but if he does, I was never here.” He bumps his shoulder gently into mine as he slips the mic into my hand, giving me a soft smile as he mouths “good luck” seconds before disappearing from the bridge, leaving me alone.
I stand there for several long moments, contemplating what the heck I’m even going to say. I didn’t exactly think it through this far ahead. I was so focused on getting here, that’s about as far as my plan went.
Knowing I’m operating on limited time and that the crew will be preparing to leave before too long, I press the button on the side of the mic.
“Penn,” I croak, releasing the button.
Nothing.
“Penn. It’s London. Are you there?” I try again.
Nothing.
I almost call it. But something inside urges me to keep going.
“Penn, I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, I need you to know that I love you.
I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.
I want you to know that I’m still in Wren Cove.
That I didn’t go anywhere, and I’m not going to.
I’m yours if you still want me. I’ve never stopped being yours.
Time or distance will never change that.
A baby won’t change that. Nothing will ever change that.
If you don’t feel the same anymore, I understand.
But if you do, you know where to find me.
.. I love you,” I say again before releasing the mic.
“What are you doing in here?”
I startle, dang near jumping out of my skin. Turning, I see Lou standing in the doorway, his greasy hair slicked back away from his aging face.
“Just checking on a few things before you head out,” I lie, banking on the fact that no one knows I don’t technically work here anymore. Considering Trav didn’t know, I’d say it’s a safe bet.
“Little late for you, isn’t it?”
“Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been off for a few days, so I have a lot to catch up on.” I slide past him. “Have a safe trip,” I call before he can say more.
Exiting the ship, I head back up the dock toward the office, figuring I can leave Penn a note if nothing else. It’s very unlikely that he won’t stop to check on things when he gets back.
Expecting the office to be empty, I use the key I have yet to return to let myself in, only when I push the door open, the office is most definitely not empty. And by not empty, I mean it contains two very naked people. They seem to notice me at the exact same time that I see them.
“Oh God!” I slap my hand over my eyes. “Crap. I’m so sorry.” I stumble backward, running into the doorframe in my attempt to escape.
“As always, your timing is impeccable, LV.” Laughter dances in Alec’s words.
“I... um... Sorry again.” I make it to the porch. “Hey, Jos,” I call back inside without turning around.
“Yeah?” The mortification in her voice is so clear that I can practically see how pink her cheeks are just in her tone.
“Call me later,” I say, clearly having a lot to discuss if what I walked in on didn’t prove as much.
“Okay.”
With that, I pull the door shut and all but sprint toward my car.
Alec and Josie... I try to scrub the memory from my eyes.
Obviously, I knew there was something going on. The way Josie always tries to act like she doesn’t want anything to do with him but somehow keeps ending up back in his bed, so to speak. But it wasn’t to the point that I was expecting to walk in on that...
Climbing into the car, I grab my phone from the center console to see if anyone has tried to call. And by anyone, I mean Penn. Obviously, I know he doesn’t have his phone on him, but that doesn’t keep me from checking just the same.
It also doesn’t stop me from typing out the following message.
Me: You’ll never guess who I just walked in on having sex in your office...
I hit send, but then have a mild panic attack that maybe I shouldn’t have sent that because even though he won’t get it until he comes back, he’s going to probably kick his brother’s butt once he does.
Even still, it’ll be a good way to break the ice. That is, if he even texts me back at all. At this point, I can’t say for sure that he will.
After all, how many times can you go running in the opposite direction before someone starts to notice a pattern? I wouldn’t blame him if he never speaks to me again. Lord knows I probably wouldn’t.
I let my mind wander on the drive home. I think about Cat and the baby. About what will happen if Penn and I work it out. I think about the vision I had standing in Penn’s front yard, of the children I didn’t even know I wanted but suddenly are all I can think about.
I picture what our future could look like.
Penn running his family’s fishing business.
Me running my own dance studio.
Coming home to Penn every night.
Falling asleep in his arms.
Waking up in his arms.
Listening to the sound of laughter and love filter through the house.
It’s all I want.
Penn.
Kids.
The white picket fence.
Everything I’ve spent the last seven years convincing myself I didn’t want because I didn’t think it was possible to have both.
I thought in order to have dance, I had to give up everything else.
Now, I see that I gave up everything for something that was never going to last. Even if I didn’t get injured, I couldn’t stop the clock from turning.
Age is a dancer’s worst enemy—outside of injury, of course.
It felt like the most important thing in the world back then. Now, it feels insignificant. Empty. Lonely. A dream destined to fail.
But dance wasn’t my dream. I only thought it was.
My real dream is Penn. Deep down, it always has been.
“IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKED like.” Are the first words out of Josie’s mouth when she calls me an hour after I walked in on her and Alec butt freaking naked.
“You sure about that? Because I think it’s exactly what it looked like.”
“I went there for you.”
“For me?”
“To talk to Penn. To tell him what a jackass he’s being by not groveling at your feet.”
“And that equated to you naked on top of his brother, how?” I laugh, the sound foreign on my lips.
When was the last time I laughed? Or even smiled, for that matter?
I don’t have to think on that very hard. I know when. I know the very second my happiness came shattering down around me like a chandelier that had fallen from the sky.
“I... He...”
“Josie, you’re a grown woman; you really don’t have to explain.”
“He’s just so... Annoyingly hot,” she finally says after a long moment. “Every time I tell myself it’s the last time, he smiles at me and I turn to putty in his freaking hands. It’s a real problem.”
“Weirdly, I can understand that. That’s exactly how Penn makes me feel.”
“Alec is not Penn and I am not you.”
“Perhaps not, but it would seem the Kade brothers have a way about them.”
“That they do.” She sighs. “Anyways, enough about me. How are you doing?”
“Better today.”
“You seem better.”
“I went to Penn’s. Walker was there.”
“Yeah, Alec said Penn took Northern Star out a couple of days ago. Said he needed some time to think on things.”
“Did he happen to mention when he might be back?”
“He did not. But, London...” She hesitates.
“Just say it, Jos.”
“Alec told me they had a paternity test done.”
“So she’s really pregnant then.” I blow out a heavy breath.
I mean, I already knew she was, but I won’t lie and say a tiny part of me wasn’t holding onto hope that she was making the whole thing up.
“It would appear so.”
“How long until they have the results?”
“They already got them back.”
“And?” I don’t hide the irritation in my voice.
“He wouldn’t say.”
“But Alec knew the results.”
“He said he was there with Penn when the doctor told him. I tried getting them out of him, but he was being unusually tight-lipped. I think it means Penn is the father. I mean, I can’t be sure, but something about the way he was behaving gave me that impression.”
“I see.” My stomach churns and, for a brief moment, I think I might be sick. “So I guess no pretending this isn’t real.”
“Don’t let her win, L. He doesn’t love her.”
“I know.” I try to digest this information, but it feels a lot like trying to digest tiny shards of glass.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. But I know one thing for sure. I’m not letting him go that easily a second time. I love him. As long as he feels the same, we will figure it out.”
“That’s my girl.”
“You’ll let me know if you hear anything from Alec about Penn being back?”
“You know I will.”
“Thanks, Jos.”
“Anytime. You know that.”
“I’m gonna hop off here. Talk later?”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Oh, you know, just found out the love of my life is having a baby with another woman.”
“Well, technically, you found that out almost two weeks ago.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do.” She concedes. “Call me if you need anything.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you, L.” With that, she ends the call.
I pace my room for the next hour, trying to piece together a puzzle that no longer seems to fit together.
On one hand, I should walk away. I should let him raise his child with Cat and try to find a semblance of happiness.
On the other, I think I’d rather walk through hot coals than ever give up what we have because of Cat Stewart.
A baby doesn’t change that we love each other.
At least, it doesn’t for me.
Unfortunately, I can’t speak for Penn.
And therein lies the real issue.
I have no clue what he wants anymore.
But I know one thing for sure. I need to be prepared because there is a very good chance that this doesn’t go the way I want it to.