Chapter Sixty-Four
We have to wait until the next evening to ensure we are perfectly replicating the experiment, even down to the exact time of the evening the Bethany from this world first hit the button.
It’s already gone eleven p.m., so we agree that Tyler will crash on the sofa and Amina can share the huge king-size bed with me.
Amina brought an extra pair of pyjamas for me because she assumed I wouldn’t have thought to pack a bag when I left Nick – I’m starting to realize she really is one of those women who think of everything – and she calls down to reception who send up amenity packs with toothbrushes and tiny bottles of mouthwash for each of us.
I wake up at four a.m., desperate for a pee, and almost walk into the sofa in the pitch-black of the room. ‘Oh shit, sorry,’ I say as Tyler lets out an almost alarmingly high-pitched squeal.
‘That’s okay,’ he replies, voice thick with sleep.
‘Did I wake you?’ I ask, even though it’s a pretty redundant question.
He makes a noncommittal noise. ‘At least I don’t have to teach a class of unruly teens in the morning.’
‘Oh, that’s good.’
‘I’m kidding, Bethany. Back-to-back lessons from eight forty-five.’
‘Oh.’
He sits up, I can just make out the outline of him as my eyes adjust to the darkness. ‘It’s okay though. I can catch up on sleep tomorrow. And for now I get an extra few minutes with you so it’s worth it.’
I blush, glad he can’t see me properly.
He reaches out and takes my hand, pulling me down gently so I’m sitting on the edge of the sofa, part of my weight supported by his other arm wrapping round my waist. ‘Promise me something when you get back?’ he whispers.
‘If,’ I correct him.
‘When.’ He uses the stern teacher voice and it makes me feel a little funny, but in a good way. He drops his voice back to a whisper, this time pulling me closer so his breath tickles my neck as he talks. ‘Promise me you’ll find your Tyler. I think he’d like to meet you. The real you.’
My Tyler. Or at least the Tyler who exists in my world. Could there be a chance for us back home? I hope so. ‘I promise,’ I tell this Tyler.
He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear and I can feel my heart hammering in my chest. His lips meet mine, just for a moment, the merest brush of a kiss before he pulls back. ‘You’ve brought chaos to my life, Bethany Raven, and I am so glad you did.’
In the morning, the three of us go for pancakes for breakfast. Tyler has to work but Amina is going to take the day off from the charity to keep me company.
‘There’s still one thing,’ I say as soon as the waitress has taken our order for short stacks with maple syrup and bacon. ‘What happens when she gets back here?’
‘Who?’
‘This world’s Bethany. Nothing will have changed for her. She’ll be trapped again in her awful marriage. Cesca will still be dead.’
Tyler tilts his head as he looks at me. ‘Are you serious? She did this to you and now you feel bad for her?’
‘I don’t think she wanted to hurt me. I think she was desperate and didn’t know what else to do. If she’d known what would happen, I don’t think she would ha—’
But Amina cuts me off. ‘She knew.’
‘What?’ I spin round to face her.
‘She knew the risks. She did a whole philosophical assessment of the what-if scenarios before she pushed that button. She did it anyway.’
‘Oh.’ Although to be honest I’m not sure it makes me feel any better.
‘Umm …’ Tyler starts. ‘So if she had zero qualms about doing this the first time, how do we stop her just doing it again? Starting a huge cycle where this happens over and over.’
Amina looks down at the table.
‘What are you going to do?’ I ask her.
Her interest in a patch of something sticky on the plastic table intensifies. ‘I have an idea,’ she almost whispers.
Tyler and I share a look. ‘Why do I think I’m not going to like your plan?’ he asks.
Amina looks up and shifts in her seat, drawing herself up to her full height. ‘She isn’t your problem. She’s my friend and I will deal with the situation, okay?’
‘What are you going to do? I ask again.
‘I’m going to tell her the experiment failed.’
‘But she’ll remember my world.’
Amina’s face twists into a sad smile. ‘Do you remember when you came out of the coma and they told you there could be side effects, lingering feelings of being in another place, delusions?’
I nod.
‘Well,’ she continues. ‘I’m going to tell her she was in a coma and it was all in her head.’
‘She won’t believe you.’
‘I’ve falsified all the experiment logs. And after you’ve gone I’m going to sabotage the machine so it looks like the whole thing melted when she shot herself with that first current.’
‘Show her the evidence …’
‘Exactly.’
I know what this Bethany did – and did willingly, with zero concern for the potential consequences.
I know it was wrong of her. But my heart breaks for this version of myself who thought the only way out was to punch a hole into another world.
She will wake up here again to be told her experiment was a failure and her experience of another universe – a better one, with Cesca and a job she loves and a cute flat full of pretty books – was just a figment of her imagination.
Amina touches my arm. ‘I’ll look after her. I promise.’
It’s ten thirty at night and the three of us are standing in the storage unit staring at the machine that might take me home.
Will take me home, I correct myself in Tyler’s voice.
We’ve been chatting all evening, the three of us finding an easy camaraderie in the mundane, no one attempting to turn the conversation towards anything serious.
But now we’ve fallen silent. It feels like an ending, which I suppose it is. For me at least.
Amina starts bustling around getting everything ready and Tyler comes to stand closer to me, his hand slipping into mine. We stand there for what feels like forever, although I don’t want the moment to end.
‘It’s all prepared,’ Amina says, and Tyler’s hand squeezes mine before he pulls away.
I take a deep breath and turn so I’m facing them both. ‘Thank you.’ My tone is almost solemn; these are important words and I’m giving them the gravity they deserve. ‘From the bottom of my heart.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Amina blurts out and then looks almost embarrassed, as if she didn’t quite mean to say it. She clears her throat and then continues. ‘I mean, for bringing you here. This was all my fault.’
‘It was this world’s Bethany,’ I reassure her.
‘But I should have stopped her.’
Tyler lets out a gruff laugh. ‘If your Bethany is anything like this one, there is no way you could have. That stubborn gene is something else.’
‘Oi,’ I exclaim, mock incredulous. Then I look back to Amina. ‘But he isn’t wrong. Once I – we – decide to do something, there isn’t much anyone can do to change our minds. Please don’t blame yourself.’
Amina nods.
‘And please look after her. When you tell her it didn’t work, it will break her,’ I add.
‘I’ll help,’ Tyler says. ‘You’ll have to introduce me as some random dude you met in the gym or something, but I’ll be here too.’
I relax knowing Tyler will be around. Maybe he can help to heal her, show her there are good men in this universe. Maybe he can even let her see what love could look like?
‘It’s time,’ Amina says, looking at her watch to remind us that the window is narrow if we want to replicate the exact parameters of the original experiment. Minus the heart attack, we hope.
I hug her close. ‘Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. And for being such a good friend to this world’s Bethany. She’s lucky to have you.’
‘Remember your promise,’ Tyler whispers in my ear as he hugs me one last time.
And then I’m in the chair.
One last look around this strange world. The one that produced the brilliant but broken Bethany who started this all.
‘Ready?’ Amina asks.
I nod.