Chapter 23
23
Although we’ve been fantastically lucky with the weather so far, with a warm and dry September, October has decided to make up for it by being exceptionally cold and wet. Ben has pulled the boat out of the lake and put it in one of the barns to keep it dry over winter, much to the boys’ dismay. They’re both well on the way to becoming reasonably proficient rowers, although there is still a lot of splashing, which I suspect is now largely deliberate. It’s early on Saturday morning and we’re cooped up at Mum and Phil’s, with the boys plonked in front of the TV watching a children’s channel.
Mum, Rebecca, Saffy and I are sipping coffee in the kitchen and chatting about the latest developments at the mill when Saffy suddenly puts her hand on my arm.
‘I know it’s not going as well as you’d hoped, but I think this project has been good for you,’ she tells me.
‘How did you work that out?’ I ask.
‘You’re different, somehow. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I was always a bit scared of you before.’
‘What’s the “right” way to take a remark like that, Saf? And why were you scared of me? You’re older than me, for starters.’
‘Yes, but you were…’ She tails off.
‘I was what?’ I prompt her.
‘I’m trying to think of the right word. Hard, I guess. There was a hardness to you.’
‘Thanks a lot!’
‘You were very driven, love,’ Mum adds gently. ‘Always working, never taking a proper break. Even when you visited us here, we kind of got the impression you were only here in body, that your mind was somewhere else. And you were so thin and pale. Look at you now, you’re glowing with good health.’
‘What is this? Gang up on Thea day?’ I ask crossly. ‘Rebecca, do you want to add anything? Let’s get it all off our chests.’
‘Absolutely not,’ she says with a laugh. ‘I’m staying well clear. All I will say is that it’s been a journey. I don’t think either of us covered ourselves in glory when we first met, but now it feels like we’ve been friends forever. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.’
That’s enough to stop me in my tracks. I think back to our fierce rivalry over the parking space in Walthamstow, and I just can’t connect with it at all.
‘You’re right,’ I tell her, feeling mollified. ‘It has been quite a journey.’
‘We always loved you,’ Mum says, and I sense another well-intentioned but misjudged remark is on the way. ‘You’re just easier to understand now.’
‘And softer,’ Saffy offers, compounding the issue.
‘So what you’re saying,’ I tell them with my hackles up once more, ‘is that, rather than being proud that I was out there making a success of my life, you just saw me as a hard frosty bitch that you couldn’t relate to. Well, thanks for sharing. I feel so much better now.’
‘That’s not what we meant,’ Mum soothes. ‘Of course we were proud of you, even if we didn’t understand what you did. We’re just saying that your new life seems to suit you better.’
‘I don’t know. I thought it was quite a good summary, actually,’ Saffy interjects, nudging me playfully.
‘You can sod off,’ I tell her. I don’t know whether I’m annoyed because I feel attacked, or because I don’t want to admit that Mum and Saffy might have a point. Rebecca’s and my first foray into property development may not be the smooth sailing that we’d planned, but there’s no doubt that I’m way happier than I would have realised was possible when I was working at Morton Lansdowne. I’m sleeping better than I have in years and, although it would have been a lot easier if the mill had been beyond repair, the constant problem solving is certainly keeping me from being bored. And then, of course, there’s George.
Ernest may be boring and sexist, but George was right that he knew his stuff and, although it seems very noisy in there to me when we start the mill up, that’s apparently how it’s supposed to sound. Rebecca and I did a good job of feigning dismay when Ernest was called away to deal with a temperamental windmill in Norfolk, but we were both relieved, particularly as George promptly stepped up to fill his shoes. No sooner was Ernest out of the way than Rebecca decided it was high time I started to learn about the mill and disappeared to help Ben with other projects in the house, leaving George and me alone together.
Under his patient guidance, I’ve been sanding, painting and generally sprucing up the mill. We’ve retreated the water wheel, a messy job that I normally would have hated and done anything to avoid, but which turned out to be surprisingly enjoyable with George there. The only slight niggle is that, although we seem to get on well, he hasn’t given anything away about his relationship status, or whether he finds me even remotely as attractive as I find him, which is a bit frustrating. However, despite the fact that Rebecca swears she can’t see it and that I’m imagining it because I want it to be true, I reckon there are a few promising signs. I’ve caught him watching me a few times when we’ve been working together, and I don’t think it’s always because he’s making sure I’m doing it right. There was also the ‘sanding incident’ where he covered my hand with his when showing me how to rub down a tricky-shaped piece of wood in the mill. The warmth of his hand on top of mine made my insides melt, and I still feel a bit unnecessary every time I think about it, which I do a lot. It’s just a shame he doesn’t visit as often as I’d like. He has, at least, given me his phone number so I can contact him if I get stuck and need to ask him something urgently. So far, I’ve managed to resist. I’m not that desperate, yet.
‘Any progress with you and that young man?’ Mum asks, as if reading my thoughts.
‘Do you mean the gay one?’ Saffy adds.
‘Why do you all think he’s gay?’ I demand, getting ready for the next round of what appears to be ‘lay into Thea’ day.
‘I’ve no idea whether he is or he isn’t,’ Saffy says blithely. ‘I’m just going with what Rebecca told me.’
‘I know you really like him,’ Rebecca interjects, obviously keen to get her point across before I jump down her throat, ‘but I’m going to stick my neck out and say I don’t think he’s right for you, even if he isn’t gay.’
‘Why not?’
‘Look,’ Rebecca says carefully, obviously aware that she’s on dangerous ground. ‘He’s a nice guy and I can see he’s very good looking, but I just don’t think he’d be enough for you.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Tell me about your last boyfriend.’
Shit. What am I supposed to do now? The closest thing to a boyfriend I’ve had recently would be Alasdair, but Mum and Saffy don’t know about him, and they’ll grill me from here to next week if it comes out.
‘Thea’s not good at boyfriends,’ Saffy tells her with a smile. ‘She frightens them.’
‘I don’t!’
‘You do. Who was that poor boy you dated briefly at uni? He was terrified of you.’
‘Harrison, and it’s not my fault he was spineless.’
‘What’s George’s spine like?’ Saffy asks Rebecca. ‘Up to the job, do you reckon?’
Rebecca eyes me thoughtfully for a moment. ‘I have my doubts,’ she murmurs. ‘Sorry, Thea. I think you need someone more robust, who’s not afraid to challenge you.’
For some reason, my mind takes me back to the breakfast I had with Alasdair when I was having my wobble before leaving Morton Lansdowne. He was never afraid to challenge me, but then we were purely friends with benefits so he didn’t really have skin in the game in the same way. Am I really that terrifying? I might have been once, but I’d like to think ‘new’ Thea is softer. I push Alasdair back into the ‘old’ Thea box in my mind. He doesn’t belong in my new life; nothing from my old life does.
‘We’re bored.’ My reverie is interrupted by the arrival of Rollo and Louis, looking disgruntled.
‘I thought you were watching TV,’ Rebecca says to them.
‘TV’s boring. It’s all stuff for babies. Can we have a water fight in the garden?’
‘No, because it’s pouring with rain and you’ll catch your death,’ Mum tells them firmly.
‘You could go and tidy your room,’ Rebecca tells Rollo. ‘That’s what I had to do if I was bored when I was little.’
‘Yeah, but you probably didn’t even have TV back then,’ Rollo quips, before turning to Louis. ‘She’ll start talking about dial-up internet in a minute, just you wait and see.’
‘What’s that?’ Louis’s eyes are wide.
‘I don’t know exactly, but it’s how they did internet in the olden days, apparently.’
‘I tell you what,’ I say to them before we can go too much further down the path of making me feel like some kind of dinosaur, as I clearly remember dial-up internet. ‘Why don’t we go to Drusillas? My treat. I’ll even buy lunch. Saffy? Rebecca? What do you say?’
‘I say you’re going to make a terrible parent,’ Saffy mumbles grumpily as the boys immediately start asking, ‘Can we? Please?’
‘You and Phil can come too, if you like,’ I tell Mum. ‘We could have a proper outing.’
‘I think,’ Mum replies with a smile, ‘this sounds like a trip for the younger generations, rather than those of us who are so old we can remember a time before the internet even existed.’
‘That’s not possible, Nanny,’ Louis tells her firmly.
‘Yeah,’ Rollo agrees. ‘How did you google stuff if you didn’t have the internet? Nobody would have known anything.’
‘Boys, go and find your raincoats while I look to see if I can magic up an extra treat for us,’ I tell them, keen to avoid going down this particular rabbit hole.
‘You may have been scary as a sister, but you’re useless with children,’ Saffy scolds after the boys have scampered off in search of their outdoor gear. ‘If you just give in to them every time they complain they’re bored, you’ll turn them into spoilt monsters.’
‘It’s not about giving in. I fancied a day out and it’ll be fun. Did you have other plans?’
‘No.’
‘So where’s the harm? I won’t do it every time, I promise.’
She sighs. ‘It is a good idea, I suppose. I haven’t been to Drusillas since Mum and Phil took us when we were teenagers.’
‘What is it?’ Rebecca asks.
‘It’s a zoo,’ I explain. ‘Well, it’s a conservation place really, but as far as the boys will be concerned it’s a zoo. They’ll love it, and I have another idea brewing as well.’
As Saffy and Rebecca go off to marshal their children, I pull out my phone and call George. Spending an hour or two with him is bound to push any residual thoughts of Alasdair firmly out of my mind.
My prediction was correct; the boys are absolutely enchanted by Drusillas. It was a bit of a trek to get here, but we’ve seen all sorts of different monkeys and lemurs, although the boys’ absolute favourite was the meerkats. Saffy and I are very taken with the penguins, so graceful underwater and so comical on land, but Rebecca has been unusually quiet.
‘Are you all right?’ I ask her gently as we head into the café to get out of the rain and have something to eat before unleashing the boys on one of the indoor play areas.
‘Yes, just thinking. How big do you think this place is?’
‘No idea. Why?’
‘Nothing.’ She pulls out her phone and seems engrossed, so I turn to Saffy and the boys.
‘We’re going to have a little detour on the way home,’ I tell them. ‘A friend of mine called George is restoring a traction engine, and he’s very kindly said we can stop in to see it.’
‘What’s a traction engine?’ Rollo asks, looking completely nonplussed.
‘It’s a big steam engine that they used on farms, years ago,’ Saffy explains. ‘It’s probably nearly as old as Thea and Rebecca’s mill. Let me show you.’ She finds a YouTube video of a traction engine and hands over her phone so the boys can see.
‘Wow, that’s so cool,’ Rollo exclaims as the video shows the engine powering a huge saw that’s currently making mincemeat of a tree trunk. ‘Does your friend George’s engine do this?’
‘I don’t think it does anything very much at the moment,’ I tell him. ‘But I expect it will, one day.’
There’s definitely something up with Rebecca, I decide as we make our way over to the soft-play area after lunch. I’ve pretty much given her an open goal to tease me about making such a blatant excuse to see George, but she’s still totally absorbed in her phone and the conversation seems to have bypassed her completely. In fact, nearly an hour goes past before she lifts her gaze from her phone and, when she does, her eyes are shining.
‘I’ve got an idea,’ she tells me excitedly. ‘It’s a bit off the wall, but hear me out.’
‘Uh-oh.’ I raise my eyebrows at Saffy, who clocks the expression on Rebecca’s face and suddenly decides she needs to go and check that the boys are OK.
‘Go on,’ I tell Rebecca, who looks like she’s about to burst.
‘You know I asked how big this place was?’
‘Yes.’
‘I found out. Do you want to guess?’
‘Not really.’
‘Ten acres. The same as we’ve got.’
‘Right.’ She’s not making a lot of sense. It can’t possibly have taken her this long to find that piece of information, and I can’t see why she’d be so excited about it either.
‘So, you know our plan has always been to do up the mill and sell it on.’
‘Yes.’
‘What if we didn’t do that?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘What if, instead of trying to find the one person in the world who probably always wanted a watermill and sell it to them, we keep it and develop it ourselves? We could turn it into something like this.’
I stare at her, waiting for her to tell me the punchline of the joke. She’s joking, she must be. The more I look, the more I see that she’s serious and my heart begins to sink.