Chapter 17
LUKE
“Pioneer Courthouse Square?” Bella asked.
“Nope.”
“The Rose Garden?”
“Nope.”
“Forest Park?”
They were sitting at the table in the dining room, eating French toast Bella had made, on a warm morning in early May.
The sun shone through the open windows, illuminating the many plants Bella had added to the kitchen.
It was a Tuesday, but Luke had the day off, and Bella wasn’t working much at all now.
“Nope.”
“Timberline Lodge?”
“Nope.”
“Multnomah Falls?”
“Let me save you some time.” Luke grinned at Bella across the table. “The main sights I’ve seen in and near Portland are my house, the hospital, and this neighborhood.”
“Hopeless.” Bella shook her head. She was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, and her hair was woven into a braid down her back. One hand rested on top of her baby bump, while the other held her cup of herbal tea. “You’ve been in Portland for five years and you’ve seen nothing?”
“Not nothing,” Luke protested. “I’ve seen the hospital, my house, and this neighborhood.”
“Hopeless,” Bella repeated, laughing. “Well, we have today, right? How about we do a highlights-of-Portland tour? I promise, I’ll limit the walking and build in plenty of time for me to rest.”
“All right.” Luke held up his hands. “I get the feeling I’m not going to be able to argue with you.”
“Maybe we’ll even get inspired by a name,” Bella added. Her eyes took on a faraway look, and she said, “Willamette, maybe. Lloyd. Or Umpqua.”
“Now you’re just making up words.”
“I’m not — and you’ve just proven my point that you really need to get to know the city.
” Bella slowly heaved herself out of her chair, steadying herself on the countertop.
Luke instinctively stood, ready to help her, but she smiled and waved him off.
“I’m fine. I’m going to get changed and plan our route. Do you want to clean up here?”
“Sure.” Luke started stacking their plates as Bella headed off towards the stairs.
He was looking forward to their day together.
Almost every moment he spent with Bella was a pleasant one.
Over the last two months, since Bella had moved in, things had gotten easier and easier between them.
There were no more awkward silences. Luke had told her things he hadn’t told anyone in a long time — not particularly secret things, but simply the ones shared with friends instead of acquaintances.
It almost felt like they were a real couple expecting a baby.
And that thought wasn’t anywhere near as scary as Luke would have expected.
After Jenna, he’d never expected to find anything serious again, yet this was almost as serious as it got — having a baby.
And Luke was enjoying it, even though he was a little scared, too.
He was just loading the last of the dishes into the dishwasher when Bella came back downstairs, grinning.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
“Ready,” Luke agreed. They put on shoes and headed out to the car, where Luke got in the driver’s seat. It was uncomfortable for Bella to drive now that she was very pregnant, so Luke usually took over that duty. “Where to first?”
“The Rose Garden,” Bella told him. She instructed him on where to turn, and they drove through the city to the garden on the other side.
There, they parked and got out. The garden was fairly empty, given that it was a weekday, but there were a few school groups walking between the rows of flowers.
Luke and Bella followed the paths, smelling fragrant blossoms and comparing their favorites.
It was the kind of very couple-y activity Luke hadn’t done in years.
From there, they went to the waterfront, where they strolled along a multi-use path with cyclists and roller skaters and joggers, taking in the views of the slow-moving Willamette River on one side and skyscrapers on the other.
They chatted about hobbies and teased each other, conversation flowing easily.
The last stop of the day was the zoo.
“I know we’ll probably be back here with our little one,” Bella said as they walked in the front gates, “but the zoo really is special. I loved coming here on field trips as a kid.”
“I haven’t been to a zoo in years,” Luke admitted. “What should we see?”
“There’s a great elephant enclosure,” Bella told him. “Follow me. I know all the paths — or I did, twenty years ago.”
“It’s nice to think of our kid running around here,” Luke said as they walked past a penguin enclosure and towards a marine-life exhibit.
“It is.” Bella glanced at him.
“Which is maybe something we should talk about,” Luke continued. “We haven’t discussed it, but I was wondering if you’ve given any thought to the arrangements once the baby comes. I would love for you to stay with me and for us to be co-parents, but I understand if you have something else in mind.”
Bella was silent for a few moments, and Luke held his breath, barely noticing the sea lions on the left or the otters on the right. Then she looked at him and smiled.
“If it’s really okay with you, I’d love to stay. It would be nice for the little one to have two parents involved in his daily life. Once I start working again, I’ll chip in on the rent and everything.”
“We can discuss the details of that later,” Luke said. He owned the house outright, but he didn’t feel like now was a good time to bring it up. There was no way he’d let Bella give him a dime.
“Great.” Bella took his arm. “It looks like we have a plan. We just don’t have a name yet.”
Luke tried not to think about how nice it felt to walk with their arms linked like this, even though Bella was just keeping steady on the uneven path.
“You’re right. We still need a name.”
They fell easily into a conversation about names, and Luke hid his smile. He was happy that Bella would stay with him. Overjoyed, even. This was the best possible news — he’d be there to see his son grow up firsthand, and he’d have more time with Bella.
After the zoo, Bella directed him to a local restaurant. “This is one of my favorites,” she explained. “I know the owner, even. And all the food is locally sourced and curated for maximum flavor.”
The owner came over to greet them and got them seated right away in a little booth tucked away in the back, even though the restaurant was crowded.
“We’ll take the chef’s special,” Bella said as they sat down. She glanced across at Luke. “If that’s okay with you.”
“Sounds great,” Luke agreed. The waiter nodded and left.
Luke looked around. The restaurant was incredibly romantic, with candles and vases of roses on each table.
Most of the patrons appeared to be couples, ranging from young people in their twenties to one couple who looked to be in their sixties.
As Luke watched, one man got down on his knee and proposed to his girlfriend, and the restaurant erupted in cheers.
Luke and Bella clapped too, before turning back to each other.
Luke felt suddenly awkward. It was usually easy to feel like he and Bella were just friends, but in this atmosphere, it was harder. He couldn’t help remembering their night at the hotel, flirting at the bar, dipping their feet in the pool, and going up to his room afterwards.
Bella seemed to be feeling a little awkward, too, because she took a long sip of her water and sighed. “If I weren’t pregnant, this would be wine.”
Luke chuckled. “Agreed.”
“You could still get wine.”
“No — as long as you can’t drink, I won’t either.” He smiled at her, and she smiled back. She looked especially lovely in the flickering candlelight, with her brown hair down around her shoulders, and her cheeks a little pink from the sun.
“How noble.”
“I try.” Luke toasted her with his water glass. “Also, my mom told me not to drink while you were pregnant.”
Bella chuckled. “Really?”
“Really. I would have done it anyway, but apparently, my dad didn’t drink while my mom was pregnant, and it made her feel a lot better.”
“Your parents are almost too sweet.” Bella took another sip of her water. “Mine still don’t even know about the baby.”
Luke met her gaze across the table. “You told me that, and I didn’t question it, but… are you sure? I can’t imagine your parents would be anything but overjoyed at the prospect of a grandchild.”
“You don’t know my parents,” Bella said gently. She sighed and looked away. “I suppose you should know at least something about them.” She paused for a long moment, until Luke began to wonder if he should say something, before she spoke again.
“My parents are both lawyers. They love to argue, and they love to be the best… and I wasn’t the best. I never was.
I didn’t get very good grades in school — Bs and Cs, but rarely As, even though I tried.
They love to ski and entered competitions, but I was only ever average at that, too.
At first, they encouraged me, but as the years went by, they were more and more disappointed in me. ”
She looked away, one finger absently tracing the rim of her waterglass.
“They always thought I wasn’t trying, and not trying was the worst thing, in their book.
They wanted me to be excellent, and I was just me.
After a while, I’d heard too many times that I was a failure and a disappointment.
I decided it was time to move on. I figured I could get some space in college, but they told me that they wouldn’t pay for my education, since I probably wouldn’t work hard enough anyway.
I applied anyway, got a scholarship based on one really good essay, not my grades, and left on my own.
I haven’t spoken to them much since. I’ve tried a few times, but every time…
they’re just disappointed, and it ends badly. ”
“Oh, Bella.” Luke’s heart went out to her. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
“It was hard.” She looked at him now, and there was no hesitation in her green eyes. “But I know I’ll never be that kind of mother to our son, and that gives me comfort.”
“You won’t,” Luke agreed. “And Bella, you are excellent. Maybe not at skiing or schoolwork, but at the things that actually matter.”
“Like cooking?” Bella smiled slightly.
“Sure, but I meant like being a good, kind, smart, selfless person. And you’ll be a wonderful mother.”
“Thank you.” She looked away again. “But I’m not so sure.
I mean, I’ve never even really dated. Guys are always put off by my love of my work, or by how I talk or something.
I don’t know. But I’ve never had a serious relationship.
” She glanced at Luke. “I bet now you’re second-guessing your plans to live with me and raise our kid together long-term. ”
“Not at all.” On impulse, Luke took her hand across the table and squeezed it. “Bella, those guys missed out. And I’m glad they did, because if you’d been in a serious relationship, we never would have met. I’ll be happy every day of my life that we did meet and that we’re having a child.”
“Really?” Bella bit her lip. She looked suddenly vulnerable, like she had in the hospital bed, instead of like the confident and bold woman she usually was.
“Really,” Luke repeated. Just then, the waiter arrived with steaming dishes of food, and he let go of her hand.
“Asparagus and oyster mushroom risotto with a side of local greens sautéed with garlic,” the waiter explained, smiling at them. “Enjoy.”
“Thank you,” Bella and Luke said in unison.
For a moment after the waiter left, they both looked down at the food. Then Bella spoke again, still looking down.
“Sorry. I know we’re keeping a little distance between us, and what I told you doesn’t fit with that.”
“No. Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you told me.” Luke cleared his throat. “Actually, there’s probably something I should tell you, too.”
“Okay.”
Luke wasn’t sure where to start. It had been a very, very long time since he’d talked about Jenna, but Bella had been brave and honest and vulnerable, and she deserved the same from him.
“I told you that I was married before,” Luke said.
Bella nodded. “Her name was Jenna. We met in residency, fell in love, and were married within a few months. We had all kinds of dreams about our future.” He let out a breath.
“Six months after our wedding, she was driving home late at night after a long shift, and she was hit by a semitruck that skidded on black ice. They rushed her to the hospital, but she was DOA. She never had a chance. I wasn’t even working that night, so I didn’t know about any of this until later. I just knew that she didn’t come home.
“The doctors did the best they could. I couldn’t have saved her, either.
But her death shattered my world. We only knew each other for a year, but I thought we’d have a whole life together.
I couldn’t stay in Minnesota after that, so I came to Portland.
And I decided I wasn’t ever going to fall in love again, because I couldn’t take another loss like that. ”
He looked across the table at Bella. Her green eyes were shining with tears, and his chest clenched.
He shouldn’t have told her this. It was too much — and, worse, it might make her doubt how he felt about her.
Luke still wasn’t sure how he felt about Bella, but he knew he felt something.
Something deep and important and unforgettable.
And now she was crying, and it was all his fault.