Chapter 18
BELLA
Bella felt like an idiot, crying when it was Luke who’d lost his wife, and Luke who’d been hurt. She wiped away her tears with a fingertip and looked across at him again. He looked worried — very worried.
“I am so sorry about Jenna,” she said.
“I shouldn’t have told you.” Luke shook his head. “I’m sorry. It’s not a pleasant story, and—”
“No. I’m glad you told me.” Bella wiped her tears again and took his hand, as he’d taken hers a moment ago. “I wondered about something like this… but I had no idea. I can’t imagine what losing your wife was like for you.”
“Losing her turned my world upside down,” Luke admitted.
“For a long time, I thought the best thing to do was to cut myself off from everyone and everything I cared about, so I wouldn’t get hurt like that again.
But now… well, since you came into my life, things have been different.
You and the baby have made me feel ready to start living again.
Because of you, I’ve been able to embrace life.
And I’ve started looking towards the future instead of staying stuck in the past.”
“I’m glad,” Bella said, though the words didn’t feel like enough. Her heart was full of warmth.
“It seems like we both have our dark spots, huh?” Luke asked.
Bella chuckled through her tears. “I suppose we do. We’ll have to be very careful not to give our baby any dark spots.”
“We can do it,” Luke said. “I think we can. We can do our very best for our child. Together.”
“Exactly.” Bella squeezed his hand. “Together.”
Just then, the owner, a friend of Bella’s, came over. His eyes widened. “You haven’t even tried the food yet?”
“Sorry!” Bella let go of Luke’s hand and reached for her fork. “We got carried away talking. But we’ll try it now.”
They smiled at each other across the table like teenagers sharing a secret as they tried and profusely complimented the food.
For the rest of the meal, they talked about the food and light, easy topics. The meal truly was delicious, and it was easy to let go of the difficult things they’d been talking about. Still, Bella was glad she knew about Jenna. It explained a lot about why Luke was the way he was.
He’d said it was Bella and the baby who made him feel ready to live again. That made her happy, that she was able to help Luke. He’d helped her so much, she was sure she could never pay him back, but knowing he was happy to have her and the baby around made things better.
After dinner, they drove home. Bella was exhausted from walking around much of the day, so they said their goodnights, and she went to her room to sleep.
She lay awake for a while, thinking about Luke.
Part of her wondered if he really felt anything for her beyond friendship — how could he when he’d been so in love with Jenna?
But another part focused on the way he’d said she and the baby made it easier to look forward to the future.
Maybe they did mean something to each other, something real.
Something beyond friendship or co-parenthood.
Luke certainly meant something to her.
The next morning, Bella woke up to find Luke already gone. He had a long shift that day, around twelve hours, so she was on her own.
At first, she’d felt awkward on her own in Luke’s house while he was working.
But now, the house felt like hers, too, and she’d come up with plenty of nice things to do, from inviting Stacy over, to shopping online for baby things and home décor, to checking on her business, to going for easy strolls around the neighborhood.
Today, she wasn’t doing any of that, though.
Instead, she went down to the basement. She’d stumbled upon the basement when she’d first moved in. It was well lit and clean, with stacks of labeled boxes against one wall. She went straight for the boxes.
“Please forgive me for going through your stuff,” she muttered under her breath as she scanned the labels on the boxes. “I promise, I’m doing a good thing.” Luke couldn’t hear her, of course — he was at the hospital and would be all day. Still, Bella felt better since she’d asked for forgiveness.
She grabbed the top box, marked “personal,” and carefully lowered it onto the ground.
When she opened the top, she found what looked like childhood memorabilia — an elementary school transcript, a soccer trophy, a stack of drawings, and some Star Wars notebooks and pencils.
Smiling, she closed the lid and reached for the next box.
It was in the third box that she found what she was looking for.
Among a few trinkets and kitchen supplies were pictures of Jenna.
Or, at least, Bella thought the woman in the pictures must be Jenna.
She had short black hair and a round, happy face.
In every image, she was smiling. Bella smiled back, tracing her finger over the woman’s face, her heart aching for Luke’s loss.
She chose five of the best pictures and headed back upstairs.
“Honey, I’m home!”
Bella smiled at Luke’s greeting, though nerves had gathered in her chest, too.
“Welcome home!” she called. She heard footsteps, then the footsteps stopped.
“Bella?”
Bella followed his voice into the living room.
He was standing in front of the back wall, where Bella had installed her project for the day.
She’d picked out frames and hung pictures — pictures of her and Luke on their adventures around Portland, pictures of Luke with his parents when he was a child, and an ultrasound picture of their baby…
and pictures of Luke and Jenna together.
“Did you do this?” Luke asked. Bella couldn’t read in his tone whether he was happy or not. His expression was perfectly neutral.
“I did.” Bella bit her lip. “We don’t have to keep the pictures, but I thought about what you said last night. About embracing life. I thought we can embrace life and our future, but remember Jenna, too. She seems like an amazing woman.”
Slowly, Luke turned to look at Bella. She still wasn’t sure if he was going to storm off or burst into tears. Instead of either, he pulled her into a tight hug. Into her hair, he whispered, “Thank you. Thank you, Bella.”
When he let her go, he kept his hands on her waist.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this? With pictures of Jenna on our wall?”
“Of course,” Bella said. “She’s important to you.”
“I just… I loved her,” Luke said, “but she’s been gone a long time now. I’m happy to remember her, but I want you to know that you are the one I want to build a life with. You know that, right?”
Bella looked up at him, her heart racing in her chest. They were very close together, and his arms were around her, and he was talking about building a life together. It was all very heady, and it was making her knees weak. “I know that.”
“I hope that’s what you want, too,” Luke said quietly.
Bella’s chest tightened. A life with him was what she wanted — it was all she wanted.
She could imagine raising their baby together, waking up in Luke’s arms each morning, planning family vacations to Disneyland, and camping on the Oregon coast. She could imagine kissing him goodbye each morning as he headed out to work and she went to a catering gig.
It all felt so very real. And in that moment, Bella could see that Luke wanted it, too.
She nodded, her heart hammering in her chest.
Just then, the oven timer beeped. They both blinked, and Luke released her.
“I’d better go check on the lasagne,” Bella said quickly, turning away and hurrying into the kitchen. Her heart was still racing from the moment of closeness with Luke.
She was glad she could help and support him as he’d helped and supported her all these months. And more and more, she could almost believe that they could be a real family, the kind she’d never had. This could be a second chance for her — and a second chance for Luke, too.
"Dinner’s ready!” she called as she pulled the lasagne out and set it on the table with the salad and garlic bread.
“Excellent — I’m starving.”
As they sat down and dug in, neither of them brought up the topic of building a life together. Bella was glad of that. As much as she liked the idea, it all felt a little overwhelming, and she was pleased to take a step back.
Still, that night, as she brushed her teeth and slid beneath her covers with one hand resting on the curve of her stomach, she couldn’t help imagining the three of them as a real family.
The kind she’d never had. The kind she’d barely allowed herself to dream of.
The kind she wasn’t completely sure existed.