17. Liana
LIANA
Three days after Vincenzo’s party, I realize that Dario is actively avoiding me. Which should, in theory, make me happy.
All it’s doing is pissing me off.
I should be glad, but I can’t stop thinking of how heavy he felt in my mouth, the sounds that came out of him as he came.
Fuck.
I’ve got to keep my mind out of the gutter. If I don’t, I’ll... combust, or something.
It’s only been three days and I feel like I’m having withdrawals.
I guess when you don’t have sex for five years, you get pent up.
I just wish it wasn’t Dario. I wish it was anyone else.
But my body doesn’t seem to respond to anyone but him.
And surely, he doesn’t feel the same way. He hasn’t brought any girls home, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. A man can’t outrun his nature, and Dario Conte is a dog.
I huff out a breath and knock lightly on Sonny’s bedroom door before opening it.
He’s sitting up on the bed, rubbing at his eyes.
I smile at him. “Up and at 'em, kiddo?”
“Yeah,” he mumbles, getting up and padding toward me in his pajamas. “Can we have pancakes?”
“I can’t see why not.”
If Sofia is already up and cooking breakfast, I’ll just request the pancakes. But when we get down to the kitchen, it’s empty.
I hum. “Pancakes are the one thing I know how to make. Wanna help me?”
Sonny’s gray eyes light up. “Yeah! That’ll be fun.”
I grab him a stepstool and take out the pancake mix and other ingredients. I let Sonny crack the egg and miraculously, he doesn’t get shell everywhere.
As we mix the batter I can’t help the memory that flutters through my mind.
“You know what Sunday mornings are, tesoro?”
I scrambled out of bed, hearing my father’s voice, and practically threw myself into his arms when he got closer.
He laughed, swinging me around and hugging me tightly before putting my feet back on the ground.
“Pancakes pancakes pancakes!” I chanted, and he nodded, smiling as he took my hand. We went down the stairs and he placed me on the kitchen countertop.
I swung my feet, like always, grinning and grabbing the sugar and flour canisters. Papa always gave me a spoonful of sugar as a “taste test,” and I opened my mouth in anticipation.
He stuck the spoon inside and I closed my eyes as the sugar bloomed on my tongue.
Sundays were always a perfect day.
I don’t realize tears are streaming down my face until Sonny frowns up at me.
“Mama, you’re sad.”
I sniffle and wipe at my face. “Only a little.”
I smile at him and wipe a bit of sugar from his cheek.
“Did you already taste test the sugar?”
But he’s not taking the hint to change the subject.
“Why are you crying?”
I draw in a breath. “I just miss someone.”
“Who do you miss?”
“Papa. Remember Papa?”
His frown deepens. “Where is Papa? It’s been a long time since we’ve seen him.”
My breath hitches in my chest but when I speak, my voice comes out steady.
“He’s... on a trip.”
It’s what I wish I could believe. In the back of my head somewhere, I’m just hoping he comes back, telling stories about the bender he had.
But I know the truth.
He’s gone. But I can’t bring myself to tell my son that his grandfather is dead.
“Must be a long trip.”
“Yeah,” I say softly, ruffling his hair as he finishes beating the mix. “I guess so.”
“You just miss him,” he continues, my precocious boy. “Because he’s your dad.”
“That’s right,” I say, thinking nothing of it, but then I hear him mumble something under his breath.
“I miss my dad, too. Even though I never met him.”
I freeze. I didn’t think he was old enough to ask these questions, to realize anything was different. I squeeze my eyes shut and then open them again.
“Time to cook the pancakes!” I say in a cheery voice, and he smiles, distracted.
Thank God.
I have no idea what I’ll tell Sonny when he is old enough to press me about his father.
I guess I’ll tell him what I tell everyone else—that it was a one-night-stand. That he didn’t want anything to do with me, after.
But that will break Sonny’s heart.
“You made pancakes?”
Dario’s voice, incredulous, comes from the open doorway of the kitchen.
I stiffen but turn around.
“I did. There’s plenty, if you want some.”
“I didn’t know you cooked.”
“She doesn’t!” Sonny pipes up. “Only pancakes.”
I smile and wrinkle my nose at him. He laughs, sitting in his booster seat and digging into his pancakes.
Dario makes himself a plate and sits next to Sonny.
I sit down myself, cutting a small piece of a pancake. Sonny’s giggling makes me look up.
Dario has torn three holes hrough a large pancake and draped it over his face.
I can’t help but snort out a laugh and Sonny is losing it, nearly falling over.
Dario laughs and then chucks the used pancake in the trash, pouring syrup over the rest of his stack.
He’s good with him, I have to admit. Sonny’s the shy type, always hiding behind me, but he took to Dario right away.
He was good at the party, too, with his younger cousins. But with his lifestyle, what he does—he could never be any kind of father to Sonny.
He probably wouldn’t want to be, anyway. He’s not exactly the type to settle down.
“I have a meet tonight, here,” Dario says idly, and I look up at him. He’s looking down at his food, eating heartily. “You guys should clear out of here. Use my credit card, book a room at the Ritz.”
I frown. “You don’t have to pay for that. I can always bunk at Beth’s."
He goes quiet, but he doesn’t protest.
“We’re staying with Aunt Beth tonight?” Sonny askks, excitement evident in his small voice.
“Looks like it! We can have a movie night.”
“With homemade popcorn?”
Beth has an old timey popcorn maker, and Sonny adores it.
I smile. “Yeah, of course.”
“Can I go play now?”
“Sure you can, honey. But we’ll probably head over soon.”
“You don't have to go right away," Dario says quietly, but I shrug.
“Might as well get out of your hair.”
Dario goes silent again. He’s never this quiet.
“What’s going on with you?” I ask when Sonny runs out of the room and up the stairs.
Dario’s dark eyes meet mine. They’re blank, unreadable.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’ve avoided me ever since Vincenzo’s party.”
“I’m not avoiding you. I’m just busy.”
He stands up and I frown.
What is this? Why is he so hot and cold? Playing with Sonny like that and then being so cold to me?
“See you tomorrow,” he mutters, and leaves the room, leaving me more confused than ever.
It takes me about an hour to gather up an overnight bag for Sonny and get him into my car. I call Beth on the way.
“Hello?”
“We’re coming over!” I say cheerfully. “Dario has a meet tonight and wants us out of the house.”
“Wh-what? A meet? Tonight?”
I frown. Beth is acting strangely. Maybe she went home with that guy the other night and she’s afraid to tell me.
“Yeah? Is that okay? He said he’d spring for a hotel but I thought—”
“Of course it’s okay!” Her voice sounds brighter, but I’m not sure if she’s exaggerating for my benefit or not. “Come on over. Are you bringing Sonny?”
“Yes!” Sonny yells from the backseat and Beth chuckles, sounding more like her old self.
“If you’re absolutely sure it's okay..." I hedge.
“Yeah. It's fine. I was just surprised, that’s all. It’s the middle of the week. Weird time to have a meet.”
Beth sounds almost suspicious, but I guess she’s always like that about Dario.
Sonny and I arrive without incident and he instantly goes to the box of toys that I keep over at Beth’s place.
She’s helped me take care of Sonny since he was a newborn, and so naturally some of his stuff migrated over to her place.
“Told him we’d have a movie night. Something Disney and some popcorn.”
“He does love the popcorn maker,” she agrees as she leads me into the kitchen. ”Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?”
I shake my head. “I just had breakfast. Made pancakes with Sonny like Papa and I used to do.”
She smiles at me, taking my hand and squeezing it.
“I’m sure he’d be proud you’re keeping the tradition alive.”
Tears burn at the backs of my eyes again, but I don’t want to cry today.
“So,” I tease. “Did you end up going home with that guy?"
“What guy?” Her face is blank.
I huff out a breath. “Hello? The guy you were dancing with all night?”
She flushes a deep red, almost purple. “Oh. Well... no, I didn’t go home with him. But I did kiss him.”
I gasp. “You what?”
Beth isn’t like me. She’s always been in the life but she’s never dated a mobster. She’s never dated... anyone, now that I think about it. Beth very well might be a virgin. It’s just not something she talks about.
She hides her face with one hand, peeking through her fingers.
“I know, it’s so bad! But he was so nice, and you know nobody ever asks me to dance...”
I frown. “You get hit on all the time.”
“Yeah, right," Beth scoffs. "You're the one all the guys want, Liana. You’re the pretty one.”
I frown deeper. “Don't say mean things about my best friend. You’re beautiful.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Beth mutters. I can’t help noticing she’s in a strange mood tonight.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Of course,” she says dismissively, making herself a cup of coffee. “Just have a little work to get done, mind if I hole up in the bedroom for a while?”
“Sure, just pretend we’re not here.”
She nods and disappears into the bedroom, locking the door.
I frown at the closed door. What is going on? Between her unusual behavior and Dario’s, I don’t know which end is up.
I play with Sonny for a while, helping him make a racetrack and racing his model cars with him.
After a few hours, I’m dozing on the couch while Sonny watches cartoons when Beth speaks up.
“Whatcha watching, kiddo?”
He rattles off the name of the show and I sit up straight, smiling at her.
“Did you get some work done?”
“I did, thanks.” She sits next to Sonny. “Ready for a movie?”
He grins up at her. “Only if we can make popcorn!”
“Come on, kid. Popcorn is a given.”
I stay on the couch, just watching them as they make the popcorn with a fond smile on my face.
I’m so lucky to have Beth. I don’t know what I would have done without her when I was pregnant or when Sonny was a newborn.
She kept me from going insane. Picked up the pieces of my broken heart.
Sonny falls asleep early, cuddled up in the corner of her sectional couch.
Beth glances over at me. “So how’s it going with you and Dario?”
“There is no me and Dario."
She scoffs. “Please. You’re literally married to him. And you’re sleeping with him, right?”
I shut my mouth with a clicking sound.
She sighs. “I just... I want you to be careful, Liana. You know he doesn’t have a faithful bone in his body. He’ll only hurt you again.”
“I know,” I say softly.
But part of me keeps thinking: what if he’s changed?