Chapter 10
chapter ten
Reid
I swing Junie up high, her giggles echoing around us as we walk along the mostly flat path I selected for our hike.
“Again!” she calls out, and I indulge her, ignoring the fatigue of my muscles.
“Junie, I’m sure Mr. Reid is tired of throwing you in the air,” Busy says. “How about we try walking for a bit?”
“No! Again!”
I grin and look at Busy. “With Marie’s kids, I’d just keep tossing them. But if you want her to walk, I can put her down.”
Busy shrugs. “Up to you. I’m not the one who is going to have dead arms later.” Her eyes scan briefly over my muscles, and I decide once more can’t hurt.
I toss Junie up one more time then set her on the ground. “Alright, let’s race,” I tell her. “Fastest one to that rock up there wins a prize.”
“Yay!” Junie says, charging ahead of us with Sydney tottering along at her side.
Then I look to Busy again. “Fair warning—I haven’t thought of a prize yet.”
She laughs. “Pluck a flower or something. She’s easy.”
I glance around, spotting some wild geraniums in a nearby bush and tugging a couple free. Busy gives me a thumbs-up, and when Junie reaches the rock that’s maybe 50 feet in front of us and spins around, I hold the flowers up in the air. “Junie wins!”
She giggles and races back, her hands out, ready to accept her winnings. A few minutes later, we get to the end of Washburn Trail, a small lookout on the west side of the lake. From this vantage point, we can see South Bank Resort & Marina and all of downtown to the south, the beautiful lakefront properties along the eastern shoreline, and Drucker Landing near the middle of the lake. It really is a great view for such an easy hike, and we take a seat on a wooden bench for a minute to enjoy it. Sydney hops up next to me as Busy opens up her backpack and retrieves an applesauce pouch for Junie.
“Any fun plans for the Fourth?” she asks before she bites into an apple.
I shake my head, petting Sydney’s head as she pants next to my ear. “I’ll just be working, for the most part.”
She looks surprised at that. “Really? Don’t you get to like…make your own hours? Take some time off and enjoy the holiday?”
“Nah. Holiday weekends are usually super busy, and I like to be in the store to answer questions.”
Busy nods. “I’ll be working, too. The bookstore opens on Thursday.”
I smile. “That’s right. You must be so excited.”
Her head dips from side to side as she chews. “Mostly. A little nervous.”
“How come?”
“Well, I’ve been working in an empty space with no customers. Painting and shelving books is one thing. Answering questions and problem solving and managing the issues a new store undoubtedly presents is an entirely different animal.”
“That’s true. Anything I can do to help before the doors open?”
Busy laughs. “You can come by and help me shelve the million books still left to go up if you want.”
“Just let me know when.”
She blinks, her head jerking back. Then she laughs again. “I was joking, Reid. You…do not have to come in and help with that. I promise.”
“I know I don’t have to. I want to.”
Because I want to spend more time with you, no matter how foolish it might be.
We sit in silence for a bit before she responds, and I get the feeling she’s debating if she wants to accept my help. When she actually relents, I’m far too happy about it.
“Can you come around noon tomorrow? I told Briar I’d go in this weekend to work for a few hours.”
I nod. “Happy to.”
She takes a deep breath then lets it out, nodding. “Thanks.”
For whatever reason, it feels like accepting my help is a big deal to Busy. Based on some of the things she’s said over the past few weeks, it seems like doing things on her own is really important to her. It feels good to know she believes she can accept that help from me.
Sydney hops down from the bench and begins snooping around, marking the edges of the overlook a few times before she lies down in a shady spot, staring out at the water.
“So what’s the plan for Junie’s birthday? Having a big party or just something small?”
Busy’s lips tilt up. “Just something small at my mom’s on Thursday night. We’ll barbeque and watch the fireworks from the back deck.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“It will be. I just want Junie to feel like she’s loved, you know? Like she’s worth celebrating.”
I nod, my mind conjuring up the memory of Busy on the phone with Junie’s dad. It makes sense, how much she tries to make her daughter a priority. She has to make up for a man who doesn’t do it at all.
“Well, I’m sure a party surrounded by family will make her feel like a princess.”
“I’n a princess,” Junie says.
“That’s right, sweetie. You are .” Busy brings Junie in close and kisses her forehead. “You absolutely are.”
The walk back to the car takes far less time than it took to get to the overlook, and before I know it, we’re hopping into Busy’s SUV and pulling out onto the main road, the windows down. I close my eyes, tilting my face up to the sun, enjoying the way it feels as it warms my face.
But that simple, easy calm I feel dissipates when my eyes lock on the black Mazda parked next to my truck as we pull down the gravel lane back to the cabins. Instead, dread fills my body.
I must sigh louder than I realize, because when Busy comes to a stop on her parking pad, she reaches out and touches my shoulder in a gentle caress.
“Everything okay?” she asks, her voice soft.
Nodding, I give her a pinched smile, trying to ignore how nice it feels to have her hand on my arm. “Yeah. It’s just…my mom is here.”
Busy’s eyes glance past me, through the window and over toward where my mom’s car is parked.
“She’s just…not who I want to see today. Which I know makes me sound like an ass and a horrible son, but…”
“No need to explain,” she interjects, patting me gently. “I’m not judging, trust me. Mothers are hard.”
I rub at my perpetual five o’clock shadow, trying to decide how I want to handle this. But before I can even begin to come up with a plan, I see my mother emerge from the backside of the house. She was probably sitting on my deck, something she’s done in the past when she’s just…shown up unannounced.
“You’ve got this.”
I glance over at Busy, who is looking at me with eyes filled with encouragement and care. Chuckling at her sweetness and sincerity, I nod then push open my door.
“There’s my sweet boy!” my mom says as she walks my way, a wide smile stretched across her face.
“Hi, mom.” I rise out of the passenger seat, my long frame looming over hers. “Fair warning: I’m a little sweaty.”
“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” she says, wrapping her arms around my middle and giving me a squeeze. “What matters is that I get to see my baby. It feels like it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”
I don’t tell her it has been a while, mostly because I don’t want to imply that she should come around more often. But even as I think it, I feel a piercing sense of shame for how I’m thinking about the woman who raised me, who loved me, who showered me with attention and encouragement growing up.
With everything we’ve been through, it’s just hard to see her sometimes.
“I gave you a call once I got here, but it went straight to voicemail,” she says, stepping back, her eyes flicking over to where Busy is coming around the front of the car. “And who is this?”
I can feel my mom suddenly vibrating with excitement at the sight of me with a woman, and I know I’ll have to be swift and clear with her that nothing has changed. I’m still single and still plan to stay that way.
“Hi, Mrs. Cohen. Good to see you. My name’s Busy, I’m—”
“Patty’s baby girl, oh my goodness!”
Mom throws her arms wide and envelopes Busy in a hug as well. Busy’s eyes widen, and she looks at me with both surprise and amusement. When my mother pulls back, she holds Busy by her biceps, her eyes assessing.
“I can’t believe it’s you! You’ve grown so much, and into such a beautiful young woman, too.”
Busy blushes, and I can’t help the pang of jealousy at the freedom my mother has to tell Busy something I’ve been thinking since the moment I laid eyes on her.
I round the back of the SUV, raising the rear door to let Sydney hop out.
“Well…thank you, Mrs. Cohen, I…”
“Oh, call me Tabitha, please.” She swats at the air between them.
“Okay. Thank you, Tabitha.”
Mom looks back at me. “Honey, I’m in town for a few days staying at South Bank—just wanted to see you before things get crazy for the holiday—and I booked a table for us at Dock 7.”
I’m not exactly surprised by the fact that my mom is staying at the resort, but it’s still a stark reminder of how many things have changed over the past few years. Growing up, my mother would never have spent that kind of money. She was frugal to her core. So was my dad.
Now, though…well, things are different, I guess.
“And I’d love for you to join us.”
That last bit was directed at Busy, and panic suddenly fills my chest. But before I can even open my mouth, Busy responds.
“Oh, thank you so much for the invite, but…I don’t think we can make it.” She tugs open the rear passenger side door and begins to unbuckle Junie from her car seat. “Dock 7 is probably too fancy for a toddler,” she continues, “but I really appreciate it.”
A few seconds later, Junie has been freed and set down on the ground, and she looks up at my mother with a big smile.
“Hi!”
My mom blinks, then looks at me, then back at Junie. “Well, hello there.”
Junie tugs on Busy’s finger, pulling her in the direction of where Sydney has shot off toward the water, probably chasing a squirrel or something.
“Sorry, I need to…” Busy hitches a thumb in the same direction. “Thanks again for the hike,” she says to me, her eyes flicking back to my mom, “and I hope you both have a great time at dinner.”
She turns and chases after Junie, who is laughing hysterically and shouting “Sinny!” as she heads toward the lake. I watch them for a beat or two, and when I look back to my mom, I find her staring at me with a pleased smile on her face.
“We’re just friends.”
“Says every man before he falls in love.”
I scoff, shaking my head, barely containing my eye roll. She’s been like this ever since Sarah and I got divorced, constantly making up fairy tales in her head about me finding my true love. I don’t believe in that kind of stuff anymore.
“Sorry I didn’t answer my phone,” I tell her, leading us toward my cabin, hoping the change of subject will distract her. “We were on a hike and I turned off my ringer.”
My mother hums as she follows me into the house. “Well, you’re here now. That’s all that matters.” She clasps her hands together, glancing around my house while I cross to the fridge to get some water. “The reservation for tonight is at six. Does that work for you?”
I take a long moment to drink from my glass, trying to find a reason to decline. But in the end, I can’t come up with anything that doesn’t sound like complete bullshit.
“Yeah, that’ll work.”
She nods. “Wonderful. I’m gonna head back to the resort. I have a spa treatment in an hour, so…” She trails off, her eyes assessing me as I stand in my kitchen. “It’s good to see you, baby. I’ve missed you.”
I nod. “Missed you, too.”
The words are true, but the reality is that I miss who my mother used to be, before my father died and she ran off to travel the world with Vance .
“Well…I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Sounds good.”
She gives me a wave then heads out, closing the door softly as she goes. I let out a long, exhausted sigh, knowing I’m in for an even more exhausting evening. Dinner with my mother…I only hope it’s short and sweet and we don’t dive into anything too deep.
For both our sakes.
When I arrive at Dock 7 just before six, I spend a few minutes just sitting in my truck, staring at the entrance before I finally head inside.
When I greet Jennica at the host stand inside, she gives me a wide smile. “Your mom’s already here. I’ll take you out to your table,” she tells me, grabbing a menu and leading me through the restaurant and out to the patio overlooking the water.
As we approach where my mother is seated against the edge of the deck, my entire body tenses when I see she’s not alone.
Vance.
He stands, adjusting his sport coat and reaching out a hand to shake. I grit my teeth and sit, ignoring him completely and focusing my attention on where my mother sits, holding a glass of white wine, a shawl draped over her shoulders.
“You should have told me.”
Mom just continues to smile at me. “I said I made a reservation for us for dinner.”
“Us,” I repeat, motioning to her and me. “Not…us,” I draw a circle in the air, including Vance. “And you said it that way on purpose because if I’d known, I wouldn’t have come.”
Mom sighs and sets her wine down. “I know. I know you wouldn’t have come. Excuse me for doing what I needed to in order to get the two most important men in my life at the same table.”
I clench my fists. “What was dad then, huh?”
Her face pales, but a server approaches, rattling off something about their specialty summer drinks. At least I think that’s what she’s talking about, though I’m completely blanked out and have no memory of it.
I’m the only one who needs to order, my mother and Vance having already gotten their drinks before I arrived, and I know without even looking at the menu what I want, though I doubt I’ll be here long enough to enjoy it.
I order a whiskey. The server nods and retreats with the promise of returning with my drink and a basket of bread, and when she goes, the silence at the table is thick. I look out to the water, the sun still high enough in the sky that it twinkles in the rippling pools below. The heat from last week has cooled a bit, and it really is a beautiful night to sit out here, enjoying dinner.
If only being here right now were something I could enjoy.
“How’s the shop?” Mom asks, her manicured fingernails tapping lightly at the base of her wine glass. “Still prepping for the big Fourth of July sale?”
I don’t even want to answer her. She wants to ask me about the shop—my father’s legacy—in front of this man? The one she ran off to with barely a backward glance at my dad’s gravestone?
“Come on, Reid. I’m trying. Can’t you try, too?”
“Try what?” I ask. “What can you possibly imagine would come from a dinner like this?”
My eyes flick to Vance’s briefly before returning to my mother’s.
“Well, I guess…I hoped you would be able to sit and enjoy dinner, tell me about your life, that’s all.”
“And he has to be here for that?”
“Reid, I know you think—”
“Don’t.” My words come out on a bark, and I don’t miss the way silence expands around us, the neighboring tables quieting slightly.
There are few things on this earth that anger me to the point that I will speak exactly what’s on my mind, and one of them is sitting across from me. My mother’s new boyfriend.
I lower my voice and lean forward. “I don’t care what you think. About anything.”
“Reid.” My mother’s voice is hushed and admonishing, reprimanding. It’s a tone she hasn’t used on me in years.
The server returns with my drink, and it takes all my effort not to toss it back in one gulp. Instead, I sip it, trying to savor the way it burns my throat.
“Can’t you just…try to be happy for me?”
I shake my head, not as an answer, but in plain disbelief that she would even say that to me in the first place.
“You want me to be happy for you? When you ran off with this joker literally months after dad died?” I lean forward again, glaring at my mother, suddenly unable to keep my thoughts to myself any longer. “You left me to handle everything alone while you went on fucking cruises and vacationed in Mexico. And you want me to be happy for you?”
I take another sip of my whiskey, my hands gripping the glass tightly for fear of dropping it.
‘’I want you to be as happy for me and my choices as you want me to be for you and yours.”
At that, my jaw goes tight.
“Tabitha.” Vance says my mother’s name in a firm tone then takes one of her hands in his.
“No,” she replies, tugging her hand free. “If you’re going to say exactly what you think, I’m going to do the same.”
Vance sighs and takes a sip from his own drink as my mom crosses her arms, her eyes narrowing.
“You’ve made some of your own choices that I don’t agree with. Divorcing your wife. Taking this ridiculous…vow of loneliness or whatever it is you’re doing…”
I scoff, shaking my head at the way she’s characterizing my choices.
“…and I might not have understood them, but I’ve supported you anyway. I’ve stood by you, regardless of how I actually felt about it.”
“You didn’t stand by me,” I say. “As soon as dad died, you were gone. Like you didn’t even care what I was going through. As if you couldn’t wait to be rid of this place, of his memory.”
“That’s exactly why I left!”
Her voice rises, and my head jerks back at the pain I see in her face, pain I haven’t seen in…years, if I’m honest. Since that night almost two years ago when she collapsed on the floor after finding out he was gone.
I’ve never known that kind of grief before. Not when my grandfather died, even though we’d spent years watching him deteriorate before our eyes. Not when Sarah said she wanted a divorce, even though I thought we’d be together forever.
Those both felt inevitable. Like I’d been preparing for them, somehow.
But the pain of that night, of the doctor saying he was gone, just like that, no warning, no preparation, no…hint that he’d be there one day and gone the next, no chance to say goodbye…
I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.
Which is why it’s been even more painful to watch my mother gallivant around the globe like she doesn’t have a care in the world. Like she’s completely fine, unhindered by grief, unwounded by the shrapnel of loss that has left me with many, many scars.
My mother glances around, her eyes welling with tears, her face flushed.
“My memories of your father are…everywhere,” she whispers, tears beginning to trickle down her face. “I see him in everything. In everyone. I don’t go a single day without grieving the fact that he’s gone.” She shakes her head, using her napkin to dab at her face. “So don’t you dare judge me for trying to grasp at the things that might make me happy again.”
I swallow thickly, overcome with emotion at seeing my mother like this, seeing the true pain she keeps so carefully hidden behind that mask of hers.
She turns and looks at Vance. “I’m so sorry,” she says, giving him a soft smile.
He shakes his head, lifts one of her hands, and gives the back a gentle kiss. “You have nothing to apologize for.” Then he reaches up and lightly swipes away another tear as it falls.
“I’m gonna head to the restroom and clean up,” she says, looking at me. “And when I get back, I’m going to order a damn steak and enjoy the rest of my evening. Got it?”
I grit my teeth and nod, that same shame from earlier today creeping up the back of my neck as my mother leaves the table.
Vance and I sit for long minutes in silence before he speaks. And for the first time, I don’t cut him off.
“Next to you, your father is the most important man in your mother’s life,” he says, his voice quiet, his eyes focused on the table where his fingers play with the stem of his wine glass. “That will never change.”
I look out to the water, a swell of emotion brewing in my chest.
“But I love her, and all I want to do is to make her smile,” he continues. “Which is more difficult to do every time you make her feel guilty for…not living in the most painful part of her grief every second of every day.”
Gritting my teeth, I glare at Vance. “That’s not what I want.”
“Well, it seems like it,” he replies, his curtness surprising me. “Let her be happy. Let me try to make her happy. She deserves that, don’t you think?”
I sit in silence for a few more minutes, my mind at war with itself. About all of it.
Eventually, though, I look at Vance in the eyes and I nod. “I’ll figure it out,” I tell him, knowing if my mother and I are ever going to sort things, I’ll need to let my grievances with Vance fall by the wayside.
When she returns to the table, her makeup refreshed, a smile on her face, I promise myself I’ll really give it my best effort. This isn’t what I pictured for our evening, obviously, but maybe it was for the best. Maybe finally being honest with each other about things is what my mother and I need to do to get past this emotional chapter and on to the next.
As painful as it might be.
As awkward and uncomfortable as it might feel.
Peeling back the layers of a wound never feels good, but it’s the only thing you can do if you want to clean away the bad and let it heal.