Chapter 7
Elpis
I eventually collapsed by a large tree that had grown out from around jutting boulders. My fingers clutched at a tree root like it was a pillow, and I hid my face, pressing it painfully into the rough surface. It received my gasping until I ran out of sobs to cry.
“Why?” I wailed to absolutely no one. “Why does it hurt so bad?” I clutched at my chest and squeezed my eyes, draining it of the last few drops it had to give. What was this yearning pain in my body? My head and neck throbbed, and I raked my fingers over my collar.
“Get off! Get off me!” I shrieked, scratching at the iron that offended me so. I knew it was useless, but I pulled at it. I even tried prying the lock off with a branch, but it slipped and cut a long bloody line down my cheek. Hissing in pain, I crawled around the area, looking for anything I could use to get it off of me. I gave up trying to bash the lock’s shackle with a rock and collapsed, defeated.
Defeated and thirsty. I licked my lips, and the reality of what I’d done came to me like a slap. I’d gone absolutely mad and ran from the person who was going to teach me how to survive. I sat up and looked around, suddenly quite afraid. Even though I’d made enough noise to let every single meat eater know where I was, I stood still as if I had a chance of escaping their notice. I needed to keep moving. I needed water too.
I walked as fast as I could without making extra noise, certain that I was being followed by beasts that hid their footsteps in the roars of my terrified heartbeat. I paused at one point to crouch by a berry bush, hungry. Perhaps these could provide a little water. I plucked the red berries and popped them in my mouth while I kept paranoid eyes on the woods. After I ate my fill, I stored a handful for later.
As I did not feel like I was made for tree climbing, I decided to head toward higher ground to see if I could spy a water source from a distance. During the hike, I starting giggling, feeling pretty good for the first time. I huffed and puffed up the hill and fell into laughter when I got to the top. A glorious sunset took my breath away, and I plopped onto the grass to watch the novel scene.
“Hey, Sun God!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, giggling. “It’s been a while! Haven’t you wondered where I was all this time?” I pointed an accusing finger at the shimmering ball in the sky. “You forgot about us! Do you know how many times we sang to you? Do you know how many times the”—I cackled hysterically—“other slaves had to listen to my out-of-tune singing? That’s the true crime here!”
I narrowed my eyes as the sun split into two wobbly suns. “Hey, where’d your friend come from?” I asked, annoyed at His rudeness. “This was a private party! Is that there a lady god with you? You better treat Her right!” I shook a finger at the sun. “You males know nothing about females! Show Her you care! Don’t just say it! Words are words are words!” I thought for a second and asked, “Do suns have cocks?”
I fell back to study the darker sky. “Same goes for you…” I said drowsily, not sure who I was talking to this time. “Words are words!” I announced to the birds that chirped past me. I giggled and began mumbling the last verse of the lament. “If you ha ve a moment, a last request we plea… Help lost Pelagia ascend…” I looked up at a cloud that was getting closer and closer and asked, “Do you remember she?”
I pointed a finger up at it. It was quite large and quite brown for a cloud. “Filthy cloud, get away from my hill! You’re killing the view!” I shouted. The ground vibrated when the cloud landed, and I huffed, closing my eyes. “You could stand to lose some weight, cloud. Go pee somewhere. Don’t pee on my hill, though. I just got here. I need a pee-free hill!” I succumbed to cackles and spread my arms.
“What the fuck?” the cloud said to me.
“You wash yer tone!” I slurred. “Filfy mowf forra cloud. Fershame!”
“Uh… are you ok, Elpis?”
“How’d you know ma name? You a spy!” I laughed and snorted, which made me laugh even harder. “Like Sir Keeeyon!”
“I am Keyon…”
“Liar!” I accused and yawned, rolling onto my side. I felt the berries I’d stashed in my cleavage fall out and roll onto the grass. “Nooo…” I complained but couldn’t bring myself to go after them. I was so sleepy. If the sun was going to bed, I probably should too.
“Elpis? Elpis, did you eat these?” the cloud said closer to my face. I tried to swat the cloud away and rolled onto my other side. “Fuck! Elpis, you need to throw up right now!”
“Yooou throw up,” I bit back and giggled. That’ll show ’im!
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” the cloud continued to hiss.
“Iz fine…” I grumbled and fell asleep.
All I felt when I woke was dampness. Then came the coldness. I was cold and wet—sticky too. I moaned and rubbed my eyes, trying to figure out how one opened their eyes after they’d been glued shut. Oh, there was a new sensation… a throbbing headache .
“Elpis?” Sir Keyon’s voice broke through my foggy head. I slowly sat up and licked my chapped lips. Oh, I desperately wished I had some water right now. When I managed to pry one eye open, I spied a stricken Sir Keyon staring at me by a campfire. Squinting, I fought to remember what happened earlier.
“Elpis?” he repeated as he stood and came over, looking ashen-faced. “How are you feeling?”
I groaned and held my throbbing head. “Like I insulted the Sun God,” I answered, cringing. The large male offered a canteen of water, and I snatched it, trying to drain it in one go.
“Elpis, slow down! Don’t choke—” he started saying, but water sloshed over my face from my zeal, and I sputtered. As I coughed and choked, I accepted that I was not looking particularly put-together. I felt like death itself. No, I felt like what death would feel like if death died.
Once my attempt to breathe water was complete, I handed the canteen back to him and plucked at my sweaty dress. “Ugh… what happened?” I asked.
“How many of these berries did you eat, Elpis?” he asked severely, holding up some berries that looked rather familiar.
“Oh… I had some of those. I don’t know… maybe thirty?” I speculated, and his lips parted.
“Just seven of these,” he said scathingly while holding up a singular berry, “can kill a hatchling! I honestly don’t know how the fuck you survived. Never, ever eat these again!”
Oh, he looked furious. He even had bits of smoke curling from a corner of his mouth. I gulped and eyed the innocent-looking berry. “I almost died?” I asked hesitantly, not really wanting to know.
“No,” he said and ran his fingers through his tousled chestnut hair. “No, I watched over you. You didn’t even come close to dying. You should have, though. These are highly toxic, Elpis!”
I frowned. “They just made me feel… really good,” I admitted. “Then I just got sleepy.” Sir Keyon threw his hands up in the air and then covered his face, shaking hi s head.
“Gods, I almost lost you because of a stupid…” he mumbled into his hands, and I couldn’t make out the rest of it. What was he saying? I didn’t understand this.
“Why’d you come look for me anyway?” I asked. “I thought it was pretty clear I should go.”
The knight’s posture slumped, and he dropped his hands from his face, just staring at me by the fire. I couldn’t tell if he looked sad or worried, but it was one of the two. I could almost see his mind working for something to say as his metallic gaze flickered between his hands and the campfire.
“It’s my job to keep you safe, Elpis,” he asserted in a low voice, staring up at me through his dark eyelashes and messy locks. The firelight flickered over the beautiful, unique curves of his nose and lips.
“But why? If I’m free, I should just… go be free, right?” I asked, confused. “I don’t understand any of this.”
“And that’s entirely my fault,” he said with a sigh and brushed back his hair. “Yes, you’re free, but… society works differently. You should have never been a slave to begin with, and since society let you down, we have programs that help Reborn get back on their feet—to help them become independent and able to control their own lives.”
“Reborn?” I asked. “What’s that?”
“You, your friends, every slave who’s been freed,” he answered, picking up a twig and anxiously snapping off tiny pieces. “The truth is, Elpis, someone is looking for you, and I was supposed to escort you back to the king. I don’t know who it is, but it could be your family.”
“My family?” I hadn’t thought about them in ages. They were just… blurry feelings.
“Do you know your last name?” he asked me, and I shook my head.
“Nay… I don’t really remember anything from before…” I picked up my own twig to mirror his nervous habit .
“So Eudokia doesn’t ring any bells?” he inquired, tilting his head and staring at me curiously. His lips were left parted, and I couldn’t stop staring at them.
“Nay, it does not. I am Elpis Eudokia?” That was odd. Having a surname made me feel… less slave-like. “It makes me sound like… a person.”
Sir Keyon burst into laughter and nodded at my silly little observation. I stared at where his winsome lips curled into his smiling cheeks. What a perfect little spot to kiss that would be. He stared back at me when his chuckles subsided, but his smile didn’t disappear; it just softened into a smaller, gentler one. It was a smile that made my chest hurt, and I almost reached up to massage the ache.
I watched the ball in his throat bob when he swallowed. “So… as I was saying. I was supposed to escort you back, but I think it might be too dangerous to go straight there right now.”
“Because of those other soldiers?” I asked, and he nodded.
“I’m concerned that Prince Cyneric is becoming a slaver sympathizer, and… I really need to get more information before we go back. I’m not willing to put you in danger. You’re my… charge,” he said with an uncomfortable clearing of his throat. He looked down at the twig as though it was the source of his irritation and tossed it into the dark of the night.
“I’m sorry I touched you. I’m sorry that I make you uncomfortable. I’m sure you’re not happy to have a charge like me,” I apologized, unable to look at his face any longer. I was starting to recall that feeling of rejection, and it poked at my heart, reminding me how much it could hurt me.
Sir Keyon heaved a colossal sigh. “No, Elpis. None of that is you. My dragon and I, we are in a… unique situation right now. Please don’t take my sudden movements personally. Actually—Elpis, look at me—I’m begging you to not take it personally.”
I looked up at him as he’d ordered, and his face was showing genuine grief. It was stricken, fighting to keep my eyes locked on his magnetic ones.
“Please, Elpis, little moonflower, do not take it personally. Just… be patient with me. Can you do that?”
I didn’t know what I was being patient for, but he seemed desperate to hear a ‘yes,’ so that’s what I gave him. “Yes, Sir Keyon. I can do that.”
“Just Keyon, moonflower.”
“Yes, Keyon. I can do that.”
Keyon’s posture relaxed after I agreed to be patient with him, and he looked as if a burden had just fallen from his shoulders. He then leaned to pass me a small plate that contained cooked meat and some kind of bar with nuts and dried fruit. He must have eaten his meal a while ago because he mostly just stared at the fire while I shoveled food into a tender stomach.
How dumb of me to eat poisonous berries. I counted myself lucky that he had found me before something else had. When I finished eating the real food, I shifted uncomfortably in my clammy dress. Then I spied my spare clothes at my feet, which drew my attention to the blanket beneath me. Had he moved me? I reached behind to loosen the dress’s laces and glanced over to see if Keyon was watching. He was staring at my chest but then glanced up at my face and turned to give me privacy. I could still see his profile as he looked into the fire. A bitter expression was written across it. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I remembered his request and tried to not let it jab my heart too deeply.
I grabbed the pajama top from the pile of clothes and pulled the dress over my head. I slipped the long top on and left my legs bare, already too warm from eating those berries and from my proximity to the fire. I did cover myself back up with the blanket, though, since Keyon looked so uncomfortable.
Why, though? Certainly, it couldn’t be a propriety thing. Shifters didn’t worry too much over nudity in general; at least that’s what I thought I knew. I sighed and closed my eyes. Being a slave had been simple. You were simply asked to do something, and you did it. You either hated it or you didn’t. Lord Adelmar’s guests made it clear that they either liked you or they didn’t. I frowned and buried my face in the blanket. I desperately didn’t want to think about any of those males right now. I shuddered, remembering how they’d touched me.
“Elpis?” Keyon’s low voice broke the silence of the night, soft and uncertain. It yanked me from my discomfort, and I felt like I could breathe better.
“Hmm?” I hummed into the blanket and turned my head in his direction, but I kept my eyes closed.
“Can I… try something?” he inquired hesitantly, and I opened my eyes to look for his face. He had nested himself a little closer to me than the previous night, and if I reached out, I could probably poke his nose. That would—of course—likely result in something particularly disastrous.
“What are you wanting?” I murmured, staring back at him. Despite all the bunching, rippling muscles and the intimidating, leathery wing that he’d rested over himself, he looked so vulnerable in that moment—vulnerable and fearful. The puffs of his apprehensive breaths vibrated the grass by his chin.
He swallowed before finally asking, “May I hold your hand?” His lips pressed flat, and his brows drew up into a hopeful but nervous expression. His warm bronze gaze flickered between my eyes as though he was searching for my thoughts or wishing he could read my mind. It was the smallest little request, but he made it sound like the largest demand you could ask of someone.
Little did he know, I’d have a hard time denying him anything. I’d never felt that before, but I liked it. I liked being able to offer something instead of it being taken from me by force. I supposed that was my first real epiphany since being freed; having options was empowering. It was also easier to give in because I found myself admiring him. Even when he pushed me away, I kept getting drawn back, like a moth to a campfire.
I met his eyes, slowly reached out to fulfill his request, and placed my hand on the ground between us, palm up and patient. He released a breath and gazed at my palm for a moment. His eyes then focused so intensely that it was almost like my hand was the doe, and he was the hunter. I heard him take a ragged breath, and his large hand lifted, slowly moving to hover over mine.
When a little moth landed on my thumb, he stopped moving, and we both burst into laughter. I think we both realized we’d been holding our breaths. The moth flitted away, startled by our vibrations, and Keyon chuckled from deep in his belly. “I think we offended his delicate sensibilities.”
There was less tension in the air after that. The laugh had slightly relaxed him, and he began to lower his hand again. First, I felt the tips of his curved fingers brush against my palm to spread and flatten. Then I felt the warm pressure of his rough, heavy palm on mine. I smiled softly at him as his eyes closed tight and his breath caught. He was so affected by my touch. Why was that, and what could make him and his dragon struggle over such a simple thing? This was by far the easiest thing I’ve ever been asked to do, and I’d gladly do it again—only for him, though.
Under the heat of his touch, I felt the pulse of a heartbeat, but I honestly couldn’t tell if it was his or mine. It was running a little fast and could be from either his anxiety or my excitement. I was loving this, but all it did was make me want more. It made the valley between my legs ache as much as my chest. My neck throbbed too, but I think my collar was pressing in too much.
I felt a deep urge to rub my thumb delicately along the side of his hand but resisted, not wanting to startle him. This was such a fragile moment; I felt like anything could ruin it. A falling leaf or another wayward moth could end it all, and the last thing I wanted was for him to fly away from me again. His gentle gaze was fixated on where we touched, and I held onto a hope that he was trying to anchor himself to me as much as possible. I could dream until I was proven wrong, I supposed.
After a little while, his arm began to shake, and he slowly withdrew his touch from mine. It was a reluctant move but decisive. I sighed in disappointment as my hand became cool again. I was going to miss his touch now that I knew what he felt like. The ache in my chest grew twofold at the void he’d left in his wake .
Keyon tucked his hand by his chin and stared over at me again. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling as he simply said, “Thank you, moonflower.”
I gazed back and hummed in response. I sighed once more, closed my eyes, and said, “You can have my touch whenever you wish, as often as you wish, however you wish, Keyon. Sleep well.” It was an open and honest invitation. It left me vulnerable, but I’d rather offer for the future and never hear back than to offer in the moment and be rejected. Perhaps it would give me a little buffer against feeling too old, too used, and too undesirable. It could just sit there as an unanswered question I could maybe forget about over time.
“Good n-night,” he replied, a touch flustered, and I curled into my blanket. I then rested my hand by my nose so I could fall asleep to the scent of his hand on mine.
Sir Keyon
I felt an intense need to be close to Elpis after I had been convinced that she was going to die from eating those poisonous berries. I couldn’t believe that she’d survived eating as many as she had, and I’d sent at least a dozen prayers to the Sun God to thank Him for keeping her alive. If our fated mate had died because we couldn’t handle a pat on the back… we’d never recover. This had been a severe wake-up call for Toast, and he said he was ready to start trying right then and there.
Once Elpis had fallen asleep, he’d allowed me to roll her onto the blanket to drag her to a safer campsite. I’d kept a paranoid ear on her breathing and heartbeat, terrified that any second one of those would stop. What Toast wouldn’t let me do was put my finger down her throat to make her puke—which I’d done for soldiers in the past who’d been poisoned—so all I could do was wait to see if she’d survive. We had no idea how many she’ d eaten. Perhaps it had only been a couple since she’d stored some in the... top of her dress. Perhaps she was a squirrel-shifter…
After hours of nervously watching her sweat while she digested the toxins, we were beyond relieved to see her awaken. We’d only left once, and that was to kill some dinner as fast as possible so there’d be something for her to eat if… when she recovered.
Toast had already been near inconsolable when we’d found her and was downright miserable when she’d asked why we even came looking for her. He’d begged me to not share his problem yet, so I kept it vague but made sure to be clear that our reaction wasn’t her fault. As much as she triggered his phobia, he was equally fearful of her rejection.
That was when we talked about our first hatchling step. Toast and I agreed that a touch was too small, and a hug was too big, so we settled on holding her hand if she’d allow it. I wasn’t sure how she’d interpret the request as it would probably sound childish out of context, but there was no way to find out other than to try. If Toast was willing to go that far, I’d be willing to ask on our behalf. I was already dying to put my hands on her skin and was excited to finally have Toast’s permission to do so.
He’d been so anxious when I reached for her that he tried to hold my breath without knowing it. The moth incident had relaxed him as much as it had me. Something about seeing the tiny insect finding safety on her skin gave him the small degree of comfort he needed to see his hatchling step through to the very end.
I was more prepared for the tingles of her soft touch this time and eased both Toast and myself into it. Pressing our skin together had been nearly euphoric. Her cool palm radiated a soothing sensation that almost lulled Toast into a sense of security. I felt our hearts beating together and pleasure flowed through my veins. Staring at where we touched, I could only marvel at how such sensations could span across a simple interaction.
I couldn’t allow myself to be too disappointed when Toast needed to stop. I was surprised at how long he’d managed to control his anxiety and made sure he knew how proud I was of him.
First hatchling step done, Toast said in relief. He was a little shaken but sounded… slightly different. Curious perhaps? It was hard to tell when he was experiencing a myriad of emotions.
Turning my appreciative attention back to Elpis, I said, “Thank you, moonflower.” She simply hummed but eventually replied, saying something that threw me completely off guard.
“You can have my touch whenever you wish, as often as you wish, however you wish, Keyon. Sleep well.” I glanced up at her with wide eyes, but she was already curling up to sleep.
What… did she mean by ‘however’ you wish, K-Keyon? Toast stammered.
I… don’t… I didn’t really know what to say. I don’t know if that came from a place of want or if it’s the slave in… I couldn’t finish my thought. It felt offensive to her, but I was just so fucking uncertain about what she actually wanted for herself.
I stuttered out my own stupid-sounding good night and tried my best to fall asleep, but I was kept up for hours thinking about all the ways I could have her touch. That vague offer was going to drive me mad.