38. Rowan
Rowan
“Are you sure this is the place? It looks beyond derelict. This is just waiting to be condemned,” I commented as I slid out of the passenger seat, eyeing the crumbling structure.
After a day and a half of driving, and one too many gas-station hot dogs, we had finally made it. At least, we had, according to Griffin. I was finding it hard to believe this was the idyllic place where I had met my mates and spent an entire summer.
On the edge of the lake, the cabin was falling to pieces, several windows were broken and graffiti covered the outer walls. I could only imagine how bad it was on the inside, vermin likely making a home in the walls and decrepit furniture.
“I think after everything happened, they stopped maintaining it. They haven’t come back here since you went missing,” Griffin explained, closing his door and circling the vehicle to join me in front.
“You would have thought they would’ve gotten someone to take care of it or just… tear it down.” I wasn’t sure why, but the thought of destroying it made my stomach flip-flop.
“I think it was too painful for them to even think about this place,” he admitted, leaning against the truck and crossing his arms. “I’m guessing the neighborhood kids got to it eventually. I’d steel yourself if you actually plan on going in.”
“How far away is the nearest town?” I asked. There was dense woodland surrounding the lake and the cabin, so it was hard to imagine civilization nearby.
“About an hour. People don’t come out this way too often. Shall we see if they did get inside?” he asked, pulling out a key.
My brows shot up. “How do you have a key?”
“I have my ways.” He smirked, sauntering toward the rundown cabin.
Despite the broken windows, as we stepped inside, I was surprised to see it mostly intact, albeit extremely dusty.
Every surface was covered in a thick layer of fluffy gray, as though the place had been frozen in time, left completely untouched for six years, which was exactly what had happened, I supposed.
If the guys had never come here again, the cabin would remain unchanged, time working its undeniable magic on the place.
“Is this jogging any memories?” Griffin asked, looking around before coughing when he accidentally kicked up a cloud of dust.
“Not really, though I doubt it looked like this the last time I was here,” I muttered.
I tugged at the deep recesses of my mind, but nothing came back.
It was like I was looking at the cabin for the first time; the place was entirely new to me, not somewhere I’d spent countless hours and potentially some of the happiest ones of my life.
Looking around, I did my best to commit the layout of the small building to memory.
It wasn’t hard to see how beautiful it must have been once upon a time.
Rustic, with dark wooden paneling and worn furniture that practically screamed comfort.
My eyes burned. As much as I wanted to blame the dust in the air, I knew this feeling—grief.
I remembered nothing, and the house that had been a home away from home was gone.
Slowly, almost painstakingly so, I walked through the cabin, praying that some small thing would trigger my memory. But the dark corners of my mind stayed as vacant as they had always been.
This place held no clues for me. It was cold, desolate, and empty, falling apart because no one was here to take care of it. Still, my chest burned. My heart was heavy, just thinking about what had happened in these very walls all those years ago.
Where had I been attacked? Had it been in this very cabin or somewhere nearby? I had no idea. I despised not knowing.
When I passed through the kitchen, something caught my eye—a photograph on the fridge. Taking a few tentative steps forward, I reached out with shaking fingers and pulled it off.
It was us: me and my clan.
It had probably been taken on the same day as the photograph Greylen had shown me a few weeks ago in the gardens.
I was wearing a bikini, my hair in two French braids, grinning at the camera as I stood surrounded by my four men.
Orsen was holding the camera selfie-style, while Nix and Bastian had their arms wrapped around my waist. Every one of us was beaming.
Smiling… even Bastian.
There was something jolting about seeing Bastian so close to me. That smile—carefree and happy—was so unlike the man I’d gotten to know since my return. Was he still in there? Was the dragon the only softness I was going to see?
“Well, there’s no denying who I used to be,” I said, holding the photo for Griffin to see.
“Was there ever any doubt?” he asked, looking up from the dusty shelf he was inspecting.
“I suppose not, but this is still more evidence, which feels… like something.”
For the better part of an hour, I wandered around the cabin, imagining what my life had been like. The nights spent in front of the fire, cooking with my mates, then sleeping in the back room, where two king-sized beds had been pushed together.
As the sun started to set, I walked out onto the small jetty at the front of the property.
Probably meant for fishing or some other water activity I didn’t remember, it stretched several feet into the lake.
Once I reached the end, I sat down, dangling my feet over the edge.
They skimmed the water’s surface as I looked out over some of the most stunning scenery I’d ever seen.
And I had seen a lot.
All the while, the photo stayed tightly clutched in my hand.
I didn’t even remember bringing it with me.
Clearly, my memory was shit, no matter what I was focusing on.
My own thoughts stung. I knew I was being pessimistic and crabby.
I knew this was just a place, and I had control over my future, so I could make it whatever I wanted.
But it didn’t feel like it.
“I never really missed my old life,” I said when I heard Griffin’s footsteps behind me.
“You didn’t?” His voice was quiet, moving carefully, not to disturb the hushed atmosphere out here.
I shook my head. Despite my best efforts, tears gathered in my eyes, a familiar ache burning in my chest.
“No. Because I never knew what I’d missed out on.
” I held the photo aloft. “Seeing this… Seeing this place… It makes me realize that I missed so much. That I’ve forgotten so much.
That the last six years of my life could have been something completely different if I’d been here, if I’d remembered.
I tried to move forward, to always press on, but I can’t deny that it feels like something precious was stolen from me.
So much more so now that I’ve seen this with my own eyes. ”
The words dissolved into a sob as I sagged forward, wind drifting across my legs from the lake. The wooden boards creaked as Griffin sat down beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and letting me cry into his chest.
I cried for myself. I cried for my mates. I cried for the past I’d forgotten and the future I never got to have.
“What do you want to do now?” he asked after a while, not letting go, not rushing.
“I think… we need to go home,” I said softly.
“Do you mean that?” he asked. I turned my face up to him, searching for meaning. “Do you really think of North Oak as your home?”
I paused, considering. For once, I didn’t reject the first thing that hit me.
I just went with it. “I think… I think the whole reason I wanted to come out here and see this place was because I realized something. I was chatting with Luca at the diner, and he asked me if I wanted to go home with him.”
“He did what?” Griffin asked, startled.
“He didn’t mean it in a ‘come home with me and be my mate’ kind of way,” I assured him, smiling as I shook my head. “He meant it in a ‘let me keep you safe’ kind of way. But when he said those words, it dawned on me that there was no way in hell I could ever leave.”
A watery smile tugged at my lips, and I sniffled. There was no more hiding now. I needed to be honest with everyone, particularly myself.
“I’ve fallen in love with those dragons—all over again. I love being in North Oak. It’s… Yeah, Griff. It’s my home.”
“The bond of fated mates is hard to deny,” Griffin said quietly. “I know you’ve often thought of what happened to you as a rebirth, but it didn’t erase your past. You are connected to those four eternally.”
He paused, then nudged my shoulder, letting out a little chuckle through his nose. “My condolences about Bastian.”
I laughed through my tears, playfully nudging him back. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“Anytime, Rowan. I mean that. You say the word, and I’m here to help. But I think if we don’t get you back to your Alphas soon, they’re going to freak out. And I don’t want to get punched again.”
“Haha. Yeah, okay.” I looked back toward the cabin, chest heavier, not lighter. “I just wish…”
Griffin squeezed my hand. For a moment, I let him anchor me, soothing away the fact that sometimes you just didn’t get what you wanted.
“I know. This would’ve been a lot easier if it had jogged your memory.”
“Things are never easy, are they?” I whispered, staring out at the lake.
Griffin was quiet for a moment, but I felt him tense, and a quiet curse left him. “Well… things may be about to get a little more complicated.”
Nerves gripped me, making my pulse race. “Why?”
He grimaced, casting me a sympathetic look. “Because I’m pretty sure that the SUV pulling up to the cabin is your mates.”
My head whipped around and, sure enough, before the SUV even came to a stop, Bastian was jumping out and slamming the door behind him, quickly followed by the rest of his clanmates.
And they did not look happy.