Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Draven was used to the looks of judgment, but they had never inspired as much inner turmoil as they did tonight. Because these were Thea’s friends, and they didn’t like him. They did not know him, and they did not like him. No—it was not about disliking him, it was about disliking him for Thea .
They don’t think I’m good enough for her . Just like her parents.
He wished he lived in fifteenth-century Scotland where he could do some physical trials and “win” her, so no one could say Draven was not worthy. Tell me what to do to earn her, and I will . Shoot some arrows? Give him a bow. Lift a boulder? Just point to it, baby .
As Mallory dished out the Scrabble pieces, Draven slowly lifted the beer bottle to his lips and took a swig.
From across the table, Wren stared him down with icy eyes and shook his head. Hello, familiar expression of disgust .
“What’s your problem with me, man?” Draven asked.
Wren shrugged but kept his disapproving gaze on the beer.
Draven let out a defeated sigh and shoved his beer bottle to the side, away from him, to symbolize he would not drink any more.
Suddenly, Thea’s fingers wrapped around his beer bottle and lifted it off the table. Wren and Draven looked over to watch Thea tip the bottle back and chug it.
Draven’s jaw dropped. The brazen workings of her swallowing throat and lips mesmerized him as she gulped down the contents of the bottle. As she drank, she focused her narrowed, angry eyes on Wren. Draven could hear her inner thought, Anything to say now, asshole?
There it was again—that bright, sparkling love taking up room in his chest. They stood up for each other, always. She was his… God, she was his best friend.
Draven vibrated in his seat, withholding laughter and unadulterated lust as Thea swallowed the last swig of beer in the bottle. She politely placed the bottle back onto the table, putting a coaster under it to catch the condensation.
Draven performed a slow clap before proudly signing, “ That’s my girlfriend .”
“For how long?” Wren asked.
Good mood dwindling, Draven shot back, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“We go on tour in less than a month,” Wren reminded him. “Are you taking her with us?”
Draven sat up straighter in the chair. “And if I do?”
“So, you will ask her to go on tour with us?”
“Just say what you want to say, Wren,” Draven told him.
“If you take her on tour, you make her press pause on everything here. No more makeup jobs. Or opportunities. Over six months of just following you around to shows,” Wren said.
Wren hit Draven with hard facts as he continued, “Are you willing to hold her back from what she wants in life? Willing to ask her to drop her whole career? Loving someone is about looking out for their best interests. If you take her with us, then you don’t love her. Because love isn’t selfish. If you take her away from working toward her dream career, how are you any better than her asshole ex?”
* * *
So, this is what it feels like to spiral , Draven thought to himself. He could not banish Wren’s words from his mind. Even while making grilled cheese sandwiches on the stove, he felt overwhelmed.
Not knowing what to do made it hurt to breathe. The tour was weeks away. He needed to start packing—waiting till the last minute never worked for him; he always forgot something.
“ Are you willing to hold her back from what she wants in life? ”
Were they supposed to do long distance? He would—for her. But what if, in that distance, she realized he was not what she wanted? Thea needed just as much validation and attention as he did. They were equally needy, their love languages in perfect sync.
“ If you take her away from working toward her dream career, how are you any better than her asshole ex? ”
Dammit. It wasn’t fair. Wren could take Mallory all over the world because she was his daughter’s nanny. But if Draven wanted to explore areas of the continents with his woman, it was selfish?
He wanted to hold Thea’s hand and walk on pink sand. Or eat Belgium waffles in Belgium. Or take her to ritzy, high afternoon tea in some London castle, so she could wear her favorite dress and strand of pearls and feel like royalty.
Maybe he could find some international movie sets for her to have some makeup gigs while his band went on tour. That would fix everything, right?
“ If you take her with us, you don’t love her .” What did Wren know? He had screwed things up with Mallory, too, before groveling to win her back.
As days melted into weeks, Draven’s kisses lengthened. He took his time. Savored. Thea’s lips slanted over his, and all he could do was whisper to her mouth, “ What do I do, Thea? I want to be good enough for you. I want to make the right decision. ” Desperately, he kissed her, praying his lips did not taste like a bitter goodbye.
He wanted her to go on tour with him, but he wanted to do right by her. Asking her to drop everything to go with him was not fair. Pressing pause on her dream, that was what her parents wanted. Or her asshole ex.
“ Are you okay? ” Thea signed to him after he accidentally burned their grilled cheese sandwiches.
Draven signed back, “ I’m fine ,” because he did not yet know how to sign, “ It feels like there is a clock ticking, counting down the seconds until you blink and see that I’m not the man you are meant to be with. I don’t wear ties. I’m selfish. And I’m about to be gone for half a year. And you’ll realize you never loved me; I was just a ‘good time .’”
No one wants us together . If she went with him, she would regret him. He knew it, deep down.
What had his ex once said? Oh, yeah. “ You fuck a drummer. You don’t date one .”
How long until Thea realized that too?
* * *
Draven was slipping away from her, and Thea could not figure out why or how to stop it. His grins were dim and even—not crooked and bright and teasing. Not normal Draven grins. But whenever she asked what was wrong, he shrugged and kissed her until she forgot what they were talking about.
He cooked her meals, cuddled her on the couch, kissed and pleasured her in his bed, but she could see the dark premonition shining in his chartreuse-green eyes. They continued playing house, but each passing day was another invisible stab to her stomach.
Why hasn’t he asked me to go on tour with him? Did he see her as a burden? Too much effort to take her along? Did he worry about the time he would spend translating everything to her?
All of those doubts swarmed her chest as she recalled why so many hearing people had walked out of her life before. Too much effort for them . As much as she was over Alec, that had never worried her. Draven was not a member of the deaf community. He did not get it.
Work was not any better. She had secured a five-day makeup assistant job on another film set, but she seemed to make a mistake every hour—or at least, get in trouble every hour.
“I told her I needed to be on set at nine. Not my fault she made me late.”
“She is deaf; she needs you to write that kind of thing down.”
How was she supposed to be blamed for an actor taking too long in makeup when the famed celebrity arrived forty-five minutes late for Thea to work on him?
“I told her I am allergic to parabens! She did this on purpose.”
“Why would she do it on purpose? Did you write down that you were allergic?”
How was Thea supposed to know one of the female leads was allergic to a particular type of makeup if no one told her?
On the fourth day, the Director took her to the side and gave her a note that read, “ Look, I get that you’re disabled, and I’m all for diversity. But I hire people because of their talent, and I don’t know that it’s worth it to keep someone on set if they require…more than the others. Do you know what I mean? ”
Too much effort .
“ I think if we had more deaf actors, you would be a better fit, ” he added to the note. “ But this film doesn’t, and a few cast members have complained .”
Burden .
Thea walked to her apartment in a daze. She had been fired. Again. But this time from her dream job. Because they didn’t think she was good enough.
Tears streamed down her face as she opened the door and trudged inside. Draven stirred chili on the stove and stopped when he noticed her fling herself dramatically onto the couch.
Rushing over, he saw her tears and froze. A dark, menacing stoniness overtook his face. “ What’s wrong? Who made you cry? ” he signed.
He is still learning sign language . Maybe Draven didn’t see her as too much effort. Yet. She signed, “ I got fired .”
He frowned at the words. He did not know the sign for “fired” yet. He grabbed a notepad and pen and handed them to her.
Too much effort .
“ I got fired from the set today. Even when I got fired from my old finance firm, it didn’t feel like this .” Her face hot and wet with tears, she wrote, “ What if this was all a mistake, Draven? I know finance. It fits me. I work by myself, and no one has to bend to me. I’m not a burden with numbers. What if I’m not supposed to be doing movie makeup? What if this was all a big mistake? ”
He shook his head back and forth at her note. He signed, “ Thea, no, you’re so talented .”
He memorized how to tell me I am talented . Her heart broke deeper in her chest, fragments of it traveling in her veins and clogging up her arteries.
Invite me with you, Draven. Say I’m not too much effort. Say I’m worth it .
“ What if I’m asking for too much? ” she wrote.
“ Fuck that ,” he wrote. “ You deserve anything you want. Anything, Thea .”
A tear dripped down her cheeks and over her lips. “ My parents won’t respond to my text messages. They think I’m living a lie .”
When Draven saw her words, he held her so closely, her ear on his chest, she swore she felt each beat of his heart. The tempo was much faster than she expected, like the heartbeat of someone running.
She signed, “ I just want to feel good enough .” She wanted to feel good enough for a career and for him. Why had he not asked her to go on tour yet?
But his eyes were closed as he held her.