Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
The tour was three weeks away.
And everything held on by a delicate, thinning thread.
Because Thea realized Draven was not going to ask her to go on tour with him.
She saw his packed suitcases in his bedroom. The three cases mocked her. Silent symbols that her boyfriend would roll the suitcases around the world but wouldn’t haul her around with him.
I would be too much baggage .
The two of them danced around the subject. They disassociated and stared at the walls. It was a quiet battle of who would be the first to break and confront the issue.
Thea finally snapped as they ate their morning cereal. She slapped the kitchen countertop and signed to him, “ Why? ”
He stared solemnly at her hands, a blank expression telling her nothing.
“ I know you understand me. Why? ” she signed. “ Why haven’t you invited me on tour? We haven’t talked about it. ”
Calm and way too collected, like he had already seen this scene play out on the big screen, Draven reached for the pen and notepad. He wrote, “ Thea, your parents aren’t talking to you. You’re fighting with your friends. It’s all my fault .”
Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline. “ What do you mean? ” she signed.
“ They all see it. Why don’t you? ” he wrote, tossing the pen down. He signed, “ I’m not good enough for you. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be for both of us. ”
“ What are you talking about? I love you, Draven. ”
“ No, you don’t, baby, ” he wrote. “ You have loved your vacation from normal life. You have loved feeling free, and I want you to be free. I want you to do anything you want. But we both know I was just temporary .”
Lungs wringing behind her ribs, she stood from her barstool and signed, “ No. You were never temporary to me. Draven, don’t talk like that .”
“ I love you, Thea. But everyone can see it. You were never meant to be mine. This life is making you sad. You’ve cried over it .”
“ Not over you! I just had that bad day. I wasn’t crying over you. ”
“ If this were easier, I would never let you go. But I can’t fucking stand it to see you sad. It makes me want to rip my damn skin off. This isn’t working, Thea. Too many things stand in our way .”
Too much effort. That was what she understood him to say. Too many things stood in their way, and being with her was too much effort.
Thea’s ability to breathe dissipated into the ether.
He wanted to give up on her because of her disapproving family and their friends? Screw that. What about Romeo and Juliet?
Thea wanted him to fight for her. To die for her if she asked—and yes, she realized that was dramatic, but that was who she was. She was a ride-or-die kind of woman. Either she felt loved utterly and completely, from head to toe, or she didn’t. There was no “ I love you, but… ” Either someone saw her, heard her, “got” her, or they never would.
Was it too much to ask for someone who loved her to willingly put in the effort?
Screw him.
Thea wrote in messy swipes of the pen, “ For the first time in my life, I decided to stop worrying about making other people happy. I stopped actively trying to be what they wanted me to be. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about us. I just want you .”
She pressed her lips into a thin line as she wrote, “ I have spent my life bending to make it easier for people to relate to me. Stretching myself so thin to prove myself in everything I did . And you’re not willing to face a few sour people to be with me? ”
She threw the notepad in front of him on the countertop and signed, “ Screw you, Draven . You’re right. You’re not good enough for me .”
Heart mangled, lungs strangled, and eyes prickling with tears, Thea turned and strode out of their apartment in her pajamas.
She walked away.
She did not stop walking away until she got to Mallory’s place. She did not stop until Mal saw her brutal, broken expression and wrapped Thea in her arms.
Finally held still, Thea crumpled. Her knees gave out from under her.
Because a human body can only get so far without a heart.
* * *
“ What the FUCK did you do? ” Wren’s text message lit up Draven’s phone. He ignored it.
Four minutes passed.
“ Thea is over here SOBBING on Mal’s shoulder. She can’t even sign because she keeps hugging herself like she’s got appendicitis or some shit .”
Draven closed his eyes and pressed his face down into the pillows of his bed, smothering himself. The sheets still smelled like her.
Thea’s words speared through his gut. “ You’re not willing to face a few sour people to be with me? ” He felt like he had appendicitis. She might as well have kicked him in the liver, kidneys, appendix, and stomach.
He knew it had been coming. “It” being her leaving. She was always going to realize he wasn’t the one for her.
After all, Draven was only good for one thing. A good time . Hell, his friends knew it.
Half an hour later, a loud BOOM came from outside his bedroom. Robbers? They could take anything they wanted. After all, Draven’s most valuable possession was no longer in the apartment.
Then, his bedroom door swung open, banging against the wall as Wren barged inside the room.
Blinking through swollen eyelids, Draven saw Wren and murmured into his pillow, “Did you break my door down?”
“No, you idiot, I still have a spare key.”
Face down on the pillow, Draven shrugged.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Another shrug.
“Thea is crying her eyes out at my place, and you’re lying in bed—”
Wren yanked at his shoulder, forcing Draven to turn over on the bed and look at his bandmate. Wren cut himself off and blinked a few times, registering Draven’s pink face, damp cheeks, and red eyes. Draven’s mussed dark hair spiked out at different angles like he had pulled on it every which way.
“Aw, hell,” Wren said. His husky voice dripped thick disbelief. “You actually love her?”
“They say if you love something, let it go. So I did, Wren. I did. And it feels like I’m dying.” Draven clutched at his heart, fingernails digging into his pectoral muscles like his new instinct was to rip out the organ that caused him so much pain. “Am I dying?”
Wren cursed and grabbed Draven’s hand to prevent him from clawing at himself anymore.
“I was just trying to do the right thing. You told me not to be selfish, so I wasn’t. I did it, Wren. And now I—I feel like I can’t breathe.”
“Shit.” Wren squeezed Draven’s shoulder. “I’ve never seen you like this, man. I’m not sure what to do. You’re scaring the hell out of me.”
“Why do you hate me, Wren? I don’t get it.”
Wren’s brows furrowed. “I don’t hate you, Drave. I don’t.”
“You’re mean to me, Wren. Your little snide comments about how irresponsible I am and shit. It hurts my feelings,” Draven admitted, too tender and vulnerable to care how he worded it. “You don’t think I’m good enough for Thea.”
Taken aback, Wren hesitated to reply. “I… A lot changed when I suddenly had Armie to take care of, Drave. I couldn’t go out and party, or drink, or do any of that. It’s tough being around someone who is still so—”
“There you go.” Draven pointed at him. “You were about to say something else mean.”
“Stop using the word ‘mean.’ I feel like we’re on an elementary school playground.”
“Another dig at how immature I am compared to you.” Draven tried to turn back around to press his face into the pillows again, but Wren did not let him.
“Dammit,” Draven cursed. “You don’t even know anything about my life anymore. You don’t ask . I get that Armie keeps you busy, but judging me with snide comments all the time, when you don’t even know what’s going on in my life, is messed up.”
Wren snorted. “Draven, I know what’s going on in your life.”
“No. You don’t. Remember Mimi? Well, she started getting dementia right after we graduated. Did you know that? How about how the second we signed with Maximo, I started paying for the best doctors, the best care, and got her into an expensive as hell nursing home, all while paying my own school loans? The entirety of my first paycheck went to that. But no, you thought I spent it all on beer or something.”
Draven added, “Then, Summer decided to go to school for music, much to my parents’ dismay, and they wouldn’t help her out either. So, to save my future cellist baby sister from student loans, I paid for her NYU classes. Her summer programs. Her apartment. Then, Geo went to college last year, and you know what? Even though he chose a smart science-related major, I’m paying for his school too. Because that speck of respect I saw in my parents’ eyes when they found out I was paying for Summer’s was the first respect I’d seen from them since I became a drummer.”
Wren gaped at his friend. “Why didn’t you tell us any of that? We could help you—”
“Because having to prove who you are to your closest friends feels a lot like rock bottom. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you. You should believe in me. Thea always believed in me.” At the mention of Thea, Draven tried to face plant in his pillows again.
“Stop that,” Wren scolded. “God, the two of you are so dramatic.”
“She doesn’t want me anymore. She’ll stay in L.A. and keep pursuing makeup and live out her dream. That’s what needed to happen, right?”
“Drave…”
“I’ve just been feeling so fucking alone. You guys don’t care about me being in the band anymore. Mimi can’t remember my name. And then, Thea came here, and she saw me. She got me. I want to give her everything she’s ever wanted in life. I’ve never loved anyone like this,” Draven said, feeling like a raw sack of emotions.
Draven continued, “I want to spoil her and feed her and take care of her. I want her to win some makeup award at a Hollywood event—does that exist? I want to stand and clap and cry as she walks up to accept it. I want her to feel the spotlight warming her and making her feel like every choice she ever made in life was worth it. I want to be worth it.”
“Draven,” Wren mumbled. “I’m sorry I told you to break things off. I didn’t realize.”
“Does she hate me now too? Why does everyone hate me?”
With a tortured, guilty expression, Wren stressed, “Nobody hates you, Drave. No one who knows you could ever hate you.” He let out a deep sigh. “You really love her?”
Draven’s expression twisted into: “ Are you dumb enough to ask me that, motherfucker? ”
Wren snorted again and patted his friend’s shoulder. “Then, do everything you can to keep her, man. Win her back.”
“Even if I’m not good enough?”
Wren smirked. “Can you think of anyone good enough for Thea?”
Draven’s lips curled downward. “No one is good enough for Thea,” he answered adamantly.
Wren nodded and smiled. “Then, yeah. You’re more than enough for her.”