12. Ash
Chapter Twelve
Ash
I fucked up. I shouldn’t have slept with her.
Curse my gift of seduction!
Although, with Lorraine, it was more than just seduction that got me into trouble. Something about her drew me and made it impossible to resist her. I fought tooth and nail just to keep it in my pants. When she begged me to fuck her the way she just had… there was no way in hell I could say no to her.
I didn’t want to say no to her.
Now, I’d forged the fucking bond I’d known would come, and we were tied together until the magic died down around All Hallows’ Eve.
Yeah, I definitely fucked up.
“Look who decided to join the land of the living,” Rowan said when I found him at the edge of the lake and dropped onto the moss next to him.
“Don’t act like I’m never around,” I grumbled.
“You’re never around,” he pointed out.
“Whatever. I’m around more often lately.”
Rowan nodded. “It’s nice to see your face this much for a change, but I won’t flatter myself thinking you’re here for me.” He smirked at me.
“What?”
“Come on, I’m not a fool. I know you’re awake and kicking right now because of her.”
I shrugged. I wasn’t going to lie to him. It was for Lorraine that I was here, awake and aware.
“She needs protection,” I said.
“Is that all she needs?” Rowan asked, and his eyes sparkled.
“What else would she need?”
“Hmm. Maybe it’s what you need.” Rowan waggled his eyebrows.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, deadpan.
Rowan laughed. “Cut the crap, man. I can smell her scent on you a mile away, and you’re covered in magic. It’s like glitter pouring out of your skin.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, well, shit happens, doesn’t it?”
Rowan laughed louder, enjoying every moment of this. It just pissed me off.
“Cut it out,” I growled.
“So, you fucked her.”
“I couldn’t help it.”
That only made Rowan laugh more.
“It’s not funny,” I said.
“Why not? You’re Ash, the almighty seducer, and you can’t help yourself around a human woman? The shoe’s on the other foot, and now you’re pouting.”
“I’m not pouting,” I said, very aware that I was, in fact, pouting about it. “I just didn’t mean to create this fucking bond with her.”
Rowan’s laughter dried up. “Oh, shit. It’s that time of year…”
“Yeah. Great timing, huh? It would have been fine any other time of the year, but she had to need saving now when I don’t need more complications in my life.”
Rowan shook his head. “What does she have to say about it?”
I glanced sidelong at him. “She doesn’t know.”
Rowan frowned. “She doesn’t know you’re bound? How the hell didn’t she feel it happening? You can’t miss that shit.”
I shrugged. “She doesn’t seem to know much about magic. She’s human, bro. I was hoping to keep it that way, but she’ll have to find out at some point.”
“You can just keep her here without a good reason,” Rowan agreed.
“Yeah.”
We sat in silence for a while.
“How do you feel about it?” Rowan asked.
“About the bond?”
He nodded. “It doesn’t affect me one way or another.”
Rowan narrowed his eyes. “So, you want to tell me you feel nothing at all?”
“What am I supposed to feel?” I asked. “I’m satisfied. I got some. That’s really all that matters.”
Rowan still stared at me, but I wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to hear. Did I feel something for her? Sure—I wouldn’t have helped her that night if something about her hadn’t drawn me. Did I feel like I would fall apart when she left? Hell, no. I’d learned how to keep my distance since Ava. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.
What was it they said these days? Fool me once, shame on Ava. Fool me twice, well, I would be a dumbshit if I let that happen again.
“Doesn’t the bond only happen when there’s something on both sides?” Rowan asked.
“Maybe you should shut your mouth about feelings and bonds until you know what you’re talking about,” I clapped back.
Rowan swallowed his grin. “We’re not all so lucky to find someone we connect that well with.” I knew he was thinking about Clea. I cared for her, but there was a difference between love and adoration, between partners and soul mates. Not everyone found their soul mate. We could search for an eternity—since we were around for that long, it wasn’t impossible—and never find a soul mate.
A lot of spirits settled for less. It was better than doing eternity alone.
“You’re better off with what you have,” I said. “Trust me on that.”
Rowan only shrugged.
“So, you don’t know where I can find Hecate, do you?” I asked.
“How the fuck should I know that?” Rowan asked. “I gave you the info, man. That’s all I can help you with. The gods aren’t around for us to just walk up to and be friends with.”
I nodded. The gods lived on Mount Olympus, far away from where the rest of us immortals could go. They came down to earth sometimes, or to the underworld where hell reigned and life was a dark mess. But they never stayed for long.
I wanted to talk to Hecate about my options. I wanted a transfer, but I didn’t know how to reach her, and it had been a long time since anyone had seen her on earth.
“Ask Artemis,” Rowan suggested.
“No fucking way. She already knows I’m thinking about it. If I bring it up again, she’ll lecture me for the next millennium, and I’m not in the mood for it.”
Rowan shrugged and lay back on the moss. “Yeah, well, then I can’t help you. I don’t want more to do with this shit, anyway. I already went out on a limb for you to find that info. You’re looking for trouble where it’s not needed.”
I nodded. Rowan was right—I was looking for trouble, but he didn’t get it. He didn’t live a life that he desperately wanted to get away from. He was content to keep living his life the way he did, being what he was. It was me who hated what I’d been stuck with.
I should have been grateful—after I’d given up my immortality for Ava, Artemis had granted me a way back to immortality because Ava had fucked me over so badly. I could have been a human and died eighty years later, but Artemis had spared me.
I should have been grateful for my lot in life. Instead, I lived century upon century with this shitty heartache I couldn’t shake. I’d been so happy to be back here with a second chance, I hadn’t considered the downside.
Knowing what I knew now, maybe I would have accepted a human life so there could have been a much quicker end to this misery.
I shook off the thought. I hated being so miserable, and feeling sorry for myself was pathetic.
“I’m going,” I said, and stood.
“Already?”
I nodded. “I have some shit to take care of.”
“When you say some shit, do you mean the human girl?” Rowan asked with a grin.
I rolled my eyes. “Later.”
“Uh-huh,” Rowan said.
I turned around and walked through the woods. I wasn’t going to go back to the cabin just yet. A part of me wanted to be with her. I was already ready for another round, my cock recovered—it was a part of my gift, and a part of being a mythical creature. We were almost always ready for sex.
I doubted she was ready for another round. Judging by how done she’d looked—something I was proud of—she needed rest, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to go back and cuddle her. She needed to know whatever was going on between us… wasn’t that.
The atmosphere shifted, and magic rippled through the trees. It was a dark kind of magic, and it crept between the trunks of the trees around me like a predator. I stopped, focusing on my ability to study the forest through the eyes of my tree rather than the eyes of this human form I’d shifted into.
A man walked between the trees, but he was a god. It wasn’t hard to tell the difference between the magic the gods and goddesses wielded and the magic the rest of us used. He was tall and upright, with broad, square shoulders and his hands clasped behind his back as he walked. He had a square jaw and a wide mouth that broke into an easy smile when he saw me.
As I got closer, I could see his eyes were slate gray. He wore black pants and a loose black shirt that opened halfway down his chest, making him look formal and casual at the same time.
“I hear you’re looking for Hecate,” he said.
I stilled. “Who are you?”
“Dolus.”
I’d never heard the name before, but there were so many gods and goddesses, it was hard to know them all. Especially if they didn’t mix with us.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I heard you needed some help. Hecate has a lot on her plate, and I have it on good authority she won’t get around to you for another two centuries, so I figured I’d step in to help.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“You’re so suspicious,” Dolus said with a chuckle. “I don’t bite, you know. I’m here to help.”
“Help with what?”
“You said you wanted a new path. At least, that’s what I heard… is it true?”
I hesitated before nodding slowly.
“Ah, then you’re in luck,” Dolus said. “I happen to be an expert at redefining yourself. If you want, I can help you while Hecate is busy with other things.”
I studied Dolus. Something about him was suspicious. I didn’t know who he was, and the magic that had preceded him was cause to think twice, but I really wanted a different path. I didn’t think I could deal with another two centuries of this shit.
“Yeah, okay,” I said, nodding. “That sounds good.”