13. Lorraine
Chapter Thirteen
Lorraine
I waited for him to come back.
He didn’t.
When it got very late, I eventually went to bed, feeling sorry for myself that I had to sleep alone.
When I woke up the next morning, Ash still hadn’t come back. My heart sank when I walked out of my room and he wasn’t in the little kitchen, making himself a cup of tea or something to eat.
The hearth wasn’t lit either. The ash and embers from yesterday still smoldered in the hearth, proof that Ash hadn’t even come in when I’d slept.
Was he avoiding me?
“You’re being ridiculous,” I said to myself out loud. “You got what you wanted.”
I’d ached for Ash to fuck me, and that was exactly what he’d done. It didn’t have to mean anything. Hell, it was better that it didn’t mean anything. I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was just emotionally vulnerable. I was attracted to him because he was hot, and because he’d saved my life.
Wasn’t there some kind of syndrome where that happened? I couldn’t remember.
The fact that I was drawn to him because of his looks meant I had good taste. I was probably also on the rebound after Oscar and all the shit he’d gotten me into. Yeah, I definitely wasn’t ready for anything new. I was still tangled in the mess my last love had gotten me into.
It was better that Ash was avoiding me. He spared me a lot of heartache that wouldn’t do anyone any good.
I took a deep breath and nodded, determined to convince myself that it was nothing more than a rebound fling. A savior fling. I giggled at the idea.
Now that I’d decided I didn’t want to feel something for Ash, it was fine if he didn’t feel something for me. I would feel much better.
I’d found another dress in the closet. It was more like a robe of sorts, and I had to wrap it around myself in a strange fashion, like I’d seen in pictures of the ancient Greeks.
It was surprisingly comfortable.
Once I’d covered up my nakedness, I moved around the cabin, cleaning up. There wasn’t much to put away, but the cabin could do with a deep clean. It looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a very long time, with dust particles floating like glitter in the sunlight that poured through the windows.
I’d cleaned the place before, but I hadn’t gotten nearly all of it.
I decided to knuckle down and get into it. I had to keep myself busy doing something, and there was nothing else to do. A life without electricity—without televisions, phones, radio… without any noise at all, come to think of it—was peaceful and terrifying at the same time. I wasn’t used to being alone with my thoughts this much. There was nothing to do, nowhere to rush to, and no one to please. Yet, I started to enjoy my solitude.
I’d never thought I would feel this way. I hummed to myself and got lost in the simple motion of cleaning.
A knock on the door startled me, yanking me out of the hypnotizing motion I’d been in while scrubbing. I sat back on my heels and stared at the door. I tasted my heart in my throat, my pulse fluttering in fear. Ash never knocked, just walked in.
I held my breath and waited. Maybe if they thought no one was in here, they would go away.
My mind spun. Ash had said no one would find us here. He’d said I would be safe, no matter what.
Another knock sounded.
“Hello?” a female voice called out, and I frowned. A woman couldn’t be dangerous, could she? Would the traffickers have sent a woman to draw me out?
“I know you’re worried,” the voice sounded again, “but I’m not here to hurt you. I know you’re hiding here. I just want to hang out. You must be lonely, right?”
I stood and moved toward the door. She—whoever she was—didn’t sound like a threat.
When I opened the door, it was like sunshine flooded into the cabin. A woman stood in front of me. Flowers had been woven into her long, dark curly hair, and her petite face held a bright smile and light green eyes.
“I’m Philippa,” she said, and held out her hand.
“Lorraine,” I said.
“It’s so good to meet you!”
I shook her hand, and warmth enveloped me. I had no idea who Philippa was or where she’d come from, but I liked her right away.
“Do you want to come in?” I asked.
Philippa nodded eagerly and stepped inside. “I love your tunic,” she said.
I noticed she wore something similar, a tunic wrapped around her body almost like mine that was fastened with a golden chain that had pendants. She wore leather sandals, and her skin almost glowed.
“What do you keep yourself busy with all day?” Philippa asked, glancing around the cabin. “I would lose my mind alone out here.”
“It’s a challenge,” I admitted. “I clean.”
Philippa giggled. “You’re doing a wonderful job at it! I don’t like cleaning, but… I can help if you want? I’ll make an exception.”
“Why?” I asked.
Philippa’s smile wavered a little. “It goes faster if two people work together, you know. Besides, then we can talk, get to know each other. I love having something to do while I talk. It’s so much more fun than just sitting there talking.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I mean, why are you here? How did you know I was here?”
“Oh… Ash sent me.”
I narrowed my eyes. “He did?”
“Okay, okay. Maybe he didn’t send me. He doesn’t even know I’m here, but he talked to Rowan, and Rowan talked to Artie, and she talked to me, and here we are. I just figured you could do with some company.”
I shook my head, confused. “Artie?”
“Another one of our… friends. We’re a tight little group out here, you know.” She lifted her hands and quickly added, “It’s nothing you need to worry about, of course. We all look out for each other.”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure where Philippa had come from or who she really was. Something didn’t sound quite right. Then again, nothing added up lately. The whole thing was bizarre, and I felt like I was stuck in some alternate reality.
Despite feeling like everything was backward, I liked Philippa. She was easygoing with a smile that made me feel happy just looking at her, and having some company was great. It beat being isolated all the time and having Ash as my only visitor.
“What are we cleaning?” Philippa asked.
“I scrubbed the floor, but that’s just about done now. I need to clear out the fireplace, but… I have no idea how to do that. We never had a fireplace in the house. My dad firmly believed in modern technology existing for a reason.”
“Your dad sounds efficient,” Philippa remarked. “That’s always to be admired in a man.”
I sighed, sadness overcoming me.
Philippa frowned, her smile disappearing completely. It seemed wrong that she wasn’t smiling.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“My dad died a couple of years ago,” I admitted. I wasn’t sure why I felt like I could tell Philippa everything, but she felt like a long-lost friend. It was like we were the closest of BFFs who had to catch up on what had been going on lately in our lives.
“I’m so sorry,” Philippa said. Her brows pulled together, and her lip trembled, as if she genuinely felt my pain and was hurting on my behalf.
I shook my head. “It’s okay. Most of the time, I can deal with the loss. It’s just that sometimes it trips me up. Like when my life is already a big question mark.”
“Hmm,” Philippa said sympathetically. “Being stuck out here can’t be great.”
“It’s… another challenge.”
“You poor thing. Well, let’s do something productive to counter the bad mood! I’ve found over the years that when things feel very down and dark, keeping busy gets you through.”
“And it gets things done,” I pointed out.
“You see, efficiency!” Philippa cried out and giggled. Her laughter seemed to have a life of its own, skipping around the room. “A good trait in people, not just males.”
She walked to the hearth. “We’ll need to get rid of this stuff first.” She leaned forward. “It’s still pretty hot, so maybe we should wait until it cools down. What else can we do until then?”
“I can make us coffee,” I said, not in the mood to tackle anything else right now. I was suddenly exhausted.
“Oh, I like coffee,” Philippa breathed. “It’s one of the best inventions humans ever came up with.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, pretty damn innovative.”
Philippa was strange, but everyone around here was. They talked about the human race as if they weren’t a part of it, and Philippa’s upbeat attitude had a sort of magical quality to it. If emotions could shimmer and glow, I was willing to bet hers would do just that.
I walked to the open-plan kitchen and put wood into the oven, lighting it. I blew on the flames until they burned bright enough that they wouldn’t die and put a pot of water on the stove.
“So… Ash, huh?” Philippa asked as she hopped onto the kitchen counter. She leaned forward, hands curled around the edge of the counter, and she kicked her legs back and forth like a child.
“Well, he saved me,” I said. “And he comes to check on me, so… yeah.”
“Do you like him?”
The question was so straightforward, without any ulterior motives. She just wanted to know.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’m really drawn to him. I don’t know what it is… everything here is weird. I don’t want to get involved with someone right now, though. I just got out of a bad relationship.” I shuddered just thinking about it. “Really bad.”
“Tell me about it,” she said.
Her face was so open, and she was so wholesome and pure. She’d appeared out of nowhere, but it was as if she was heaven-sent.
So, I told her about it. I told her about Oscar, our relationship over the last couple of years, his gambling. When I told her about the guys coming in the middle of the night to take me away because he’d promised me to them as repayment for his debts, I felt sick to my stomach. I hadn’t really thought about what had happened too much—it hurt like a bitch—and putting it into words made me feel dizzy.
“Oh, gods,” Philippa whispered. “I can’t believe someone would do something like that.” She closed her eyes. “I was going to say that humans could do terrible things to each other, but it’s a universal thing, isn’t it?”
“What is?”
“Pain and suffering at the hands of others,” Philippa said.
I had no idea what she was trying to say, but I nodded. “Anyway, since that’s my last experience with a relationship, it stands to reason that getting into something now would be stupid.” Stating the facts was easier than dwelling on the scary shit that had happened in the past. Now that I’d recounted everything, it was horrifying. How could Oscar have done something like that to me? How could someone do that to anyone?
“Besides,” I continued, “it’s not like anything could happen with Ash.”
“Why not?” Philippa asked.
“Nothing serious, anyway. He lives out here… I don’t even know where ‘here’ is, and I live back home with my sister.” Thinking about Cat made my stomach twist. “When all this is over, I’m going home, and I doubt he’ll come with me.” I shook my head. “It’s way too soon to think about something like that anyway. Especially after the last relationship I had ended so badly.”
Philippa huffed. “That’s putting it mildly. If I had it in me, I would have his head for what he did to you!”
I giggled. “I like you. You’re sweet.”
Philippa blushed, her smile returning right away. Whenever she smiled, it was like she shone from the inside. When her smile disappeared, it was like someone had turned off the light. I much preferred it when she smiled.
While I’d talked, the water came to a boil, and I prepared two cups with the instant coffee Ash had gotten me.
“I don’t think Ash has ever even tasted real coffee,” I said while I poured the hot water into cups.
“Why do you think that?” Philippa asked, tilting her head to the side.
“It’s great of him to bring it here, don’t get me wrong. I don’t know what I would have done without this normalcy through all this… but this coffee isn’t the best brand there is, and he drinks it like it’s incredible.”
“We don’t really have good coffee out here,” Philippa said carefully. “He must really care for you if he brought you something like this. We usually just drink water around here.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That’s very healthy. And completely unrelatable.”
Philippa laughed heartily, and I smiled. Her laugh was contagious. She took a sip of the coffee after blowing on the top, and her face changed to an ethereal expression.
“You might have to lump me together with Ash when it comes to knowing about coffee,” she said in a breathy voice. “This stuff is divine.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Let’s sit down,” I said, and we walked to the living room with our cups. The sun streamed in through the window, making the cabin seem much homier than it had been before, and I liked having Philippa here. While we drank coffee, she talked, and I could listen to her sweet voice and her innocent way of looking at the world for hours.
Since I had nothing else to do, talking for hours was exactly what we ended up doing, and I enjoyed every minute of it.