16. Ash
Chapter Sixteen
Ash
W hen I woke up, I stepped out of my tree and stretched. I’d been curled up in the trunk of my tree, my magic infusing me with the tree so that we were one.
I usually liked being there, but lately, it wasn’t as comfortable as I remembered. The air was fresh so early in the morning, and birds chirped in the trees, chatting to each other in their whistle tones.
“Nice to see you’re still alive,” Rowan said, coming through the trees. He looked pissed off.
“Good morning to you, too,” I shot back.
Rowan rolled his eyes. “What’s going on with you, man?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. “What are you so pissed at?”
“You! I’m pissed at you. You’re awake for a change, but you don’t hang out with any of us, and I don’t see you around at all. What the fuck is up with that? Do you even know what it means to be a drus anymore?”
“Who crawled up your tree and shit on you?”
Rowan shook his head. “We’re always together. That’s the way of the dryads and the druses. We’re all connected through the forest, and we’re supposed to keep that spirit of togetherness alive. That’s how we’ve always done it. Or have you forgotten?”
“I’ve just been busy,” I said.
“Yeah? With what? You haven’t been sleeping, and you sure as shit haven’t had your hands full protecting the vale since nothing’s been going on around here.”
I shrugged. “You were the one who told me to go after what I really want. You were the one who told me to look for Hecate so I can get what I need.”
Rowan raised his eyebrows, his eyes sparkling. “Did you find her? What’s she like? I’ve never seen the goddess. Is she amazing?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t seen her either. She’s really busy, but you pointed me in the right direction, and I got another god to help me out.”
Rowan frowned. “Who?”
“Dolus. Have you heard of him?”
Rowan’s face paled. “You’re joking, right?”
I shook my head. “He said he could help me out while Hecate is busy for the next two centuries.”
“Do you know who Dolus is?”
I shrugged. “There are so many fucking gods and goddesses, I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep up with all of them.”
“Dolus is the god of deceit. He’s not going to help you.”
“So, you figured the goddess of magic and witchcraft would have been a better bet?” I asked skeptically. “Come on, man, they’re almost the same.”
“They really aren’t,” Rowan said. “Hecate can still use her magic for good, but Dolus… there isn’t a good kind of deception.”
I shook my head. “He wants to help me, and I’m going to take what I can get, Rowan. I can’t keep doing this.”
“Bullshit. You just don’t want to.”
“Whatever,” I said. “It doesn’t make a difference. I just don’t want to do this anymore, so I’m changing things for myself. I’m not hurting anyone else in the process.”
“It’s not anyone else I’m worried about,” Rowan said. “I’m worried about the shit you’re getting yourself into. I meant for you to talk to Hecate for advice, not to get involved with her evil counterpart.”
I snorted and shook my head. “He’s not evil. He’s just?—”
“If you say misunderstood, I’ll punch you in the fucking face.”
I burst out laughing. “It’s not such a big deal, okay? Calm down.”
“You’re digging a hole for yourself,” Rowan said bluntly. “Who’s going to come dig you out of it when you cut yourself off from the rest of us who can help? I can’t see Dolus offering you a better deal than you have now. If it looks better, that’s exactly the point—he’s deceiving you.”
I shook my head. “You know what? This is my choice. Your opinion is noted, but I’ll do whatever the fuck I want.”
“Yeah, you’ve proven that over and over. You keep getting yourself into shit, and you can’t dig your way out again. You won’t listen to the rest of us either. First Ava, then Lorraine, and now this.”
I shook my head again and turned my back on Rowan. I didn’t want to hear it. He had no idea what he was talking about. He didn’t understand me or my life, and he didn’t know shit about Dolus, so he had no foot to stand on.
The only thing he was right about was Lorraine. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her. I should have stayed far away. I should have let those bastards get her that night in the forest so she wouldn’t have been my problem.
I just had to get involved, didn’t I? Well, that was one thing I could change.
She couldn’t leave until after All Hallows’ Eve, thanks to the stupid bond I created, but I could tell her in so many words that whatever she thought was between us wasn’t real. I wasn’t interested, and I would just make sure she was safe until she could leave.
I walked to the cabin. The sun shone brightly down on it, and the air had a shimmering quality to it that didn’t happen anywhere else but in the vale where magic laced the air.
The magic here was one of the reasons the druses and the dryads were so happy here. We breathed magic, and the more of it we felt, the better. The vale had a lot of beauty in it, and I was going to miss it when I finally left. I had no idea where I would go yet. I just hoped that wherever it was, it would be beautiful, too.
Walking toward the cabin when everything was drenched in magic and sunlight was hard when I knew what I wanted to say. I had to tell Lorraine now that nothing would happen between us. Expectation management was the name of the game—it was how heartache was prevented. If only Ava had told me what her expectations were, it would have spared me a lot of heartache, too.
I shook off the thought of her. I would do the right thing.
I opened the door, and stilled. From inside, the sound of Lorraine humming drifted to me. Her voice was sweet. The melody drifted toward me in the air, and it tugged at me.
I took a step into the cabin, and the humming stopped.
“Ash?” she asked, and walked toward me from the kitchen. Her face split into a smile. “You’re right on time.”
“For what?”
“I made a picnic. I found an orchard with the sweetest fruit.”
I frowned. “How did you find the orchard?”
It was one of Rowan’s finest orchards, with fruit that was so deliciously sweet, it was addictive. The fruit affected emotions, and they were all positive emotions. It was one of Rowan’s gifts—not only growing the orchard, but infusing the fruit with happiness or hope or kindness or love. He liked to leave the fruit behind as a present for those who ate from it, so that they always felt something good.
“Philippa showed me,” Lorraine said.
I frowned. Of course Philotes had come to see Lorraine. It was so like the goddess to befriend humans. I should have known.
“Philippa is?—”
“One of your friends. She told me,” Lorraine cut in. “She’s been hanging out here so I don’t get so lonely. I like her.”
“Everyone loves her,” I grumbled. “It’s annoying.”
Lorraine giggled. “Maybe if you were less grumpy, people would like you more.” Lorraine was in a very good mood. All remnants of the darkness and sorrow I’d seen on her yesterday were gone.
“Did you eat some of the fruit?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yeah. It’s really good. I thought we could have a picnic.”
I stared at her.
“You know what a picnic is, right?” she asked.
“Of course I know what it is,” I snapped. “I just… why?”
“We both have to eat, right? Might as well make a thing of it, and the weather is so nice. I have to get out more—Philippa’s orders. And she’s right.”
I shook my head. Lorraine’s warmth was intoxicating, and if I stayed around her, I wasn’t going to be able to tell her off.
“I need to talk to you,” I said.
“Talk to me while we eat. At the stream.”
“No, I mean now.”
“Okay.” She looked up at me with her big green eyes. They sparkled like emeralds. She waited for me to say something. The words were on the tip of my tongue.
I don’t care about you. We’re not together. We’ll never be anything more than we are now.
I couldn’t say it. Her eyes kept sparkling, and a smile danced around her mouth. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t care about her because it wasn’t entirely true.
I wasn’t in love with her, thank the gods, but I cared about her.
“Fine,” I said with a sigh. “I’ll have a picnic with you.”
Her face split into a beautiful smile, and it took all my self-control not to grab her and kiss her. She was happy, and she glowed. I hadn’t seen her like this since I’d brought her here riddled with pain and worry.
I liked seeing her like this. I liked that she was in a good space. The fruit she’d eaten to help her feel like this didn’t create emotions from scratch. It only enhanced what was already there.
Lorraine was magnificent to look at, and when we left the cabin, walking to the stream, I couldn’t tear my eyes off her.
How the hell had someone sold her off? How had someone brought himself to hurt her? Gods, I’d only been involved with her for a couple of days, and I was so drawn to her. I couldn’t dream of hurting her. Not even through words.
Just thinking about the man in her life made me sick with jealousy, and knowing that he’d done something terrible to her made me burn with rage.
She picked a spot on the thick grass, and we sat down.
“Here,” she said, reaching into the knapsack she’d put all the fruit in and pulling out an apple.
I took it from her and bit into it, knowing full well that it was only going to enhance the good things I felt around her.
I chewed and swallowed and bit into the apple again.