19. Lorraine
Chapter Nineteen
Lorraine
W hen I woke up, the air was alive on my skin. There was no other way to explain it—the atmosphere felt like it was a being with a life of its own.
I sat up in bed, rubbed my arms, and shivered. “Ash?” I called into the quiet cabin.
No answer.
I slipped out of bed, and the wooden floor creaked under my bare feet. I shivered, rubbing my hands along my arms where goosebumps had broken out. Until now, the weather had been sunny and warm, and I hadn’t felt cold at all. Today, the light that fell through the cramped windows was dim, almost apologetic in its existence.
The cabin was empty. Despite Ash spending more time with me here, he wasn’t here now, and my stomach twisted. I patted my thighs, looking for a phone in my pocket. I stilled when I realized I was still wearing my oversized T-shirt, so I had no pockets—and no phone. Out here, I was completely isolated from reality, and there was no way to reach anyone.
Not that I would have been able to reach Ash either. He didn’t seem to have a phone. Everyone and everything here seemed stuck in another time where modern technology didn’t exist. It was almost as if I existed in a different realm.
My throat tightened, and my chest grew heavy, as if something big was resting on it. I struggled to breathe. This wasn’t possible, right? I couldn’t be in a different reality. I was just…
I had no idea where I was. The last thing that had seemed remotely normal was the truck I’d been put in when Oscar had sold me. After that, when I’d fallen out of the truck and run into the woods, everything had become a blur.
I pushed my hands into my hair and focused on my breathing. I sucked air through my nose slowly, held it for three counts, and let it out through my mouth again. I focused on the feel of the air passing through my nose and mouth until my breathing was slow enough that I wasn’t at risk of hyperventilating.
“It’s going to be fine,” I told myself. “You’re seeing things, feeling things that aren’t real because you’re caught up and completely alone.”
I’d meant to talk myself down from the ledge, but that hadn’t helped. It only reminded me that everything was wrong, I was alone, and there was nothing I could do to change it.
The atmosphere shifted. The clouds moved away from the sun, and light fell into the windows, brightening up the cabin. But I still felt trapped. I felt like something had wrapped itself around my throat and squeezed.
I threw the front door open and ran out of the cabin and into the sunshine. I took big gulps of air. Despite being outside, I felt like I was drowning.
The sunlight grew brighter still, and even though it looked like summer, the feeling of something brushing up against me got worse and worse.
This couldn’t be magic, could it? Magic didn’t exist. This wasn’t magic. It couldn’t be.
Someone came toward me. I heard footsteps through the trees, leaves crunching, but that wasn’t what alerted me to someone being here. It was the way the atmosphere shifted yet again.
Fear knotted into a fist in my stomach, and I struggled to breathe. What if it was the men who’d been looking for me? I looked over my shoulder, looking for a way out. I could run to the orchard. I could run into the cabin.
I could run into the forest to find Ash to help me. I’d be running right toward them if I did that.
I was frozen in place with fear, although I thought of a million ways to get away.
Someone stepped through the trees, appearing on the path that led to the cabin, and my heart beat in my throat… until I recognized Philippa.
“Oh, it’s you,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief. My body gave way, and I sagged to the ground, the fear that had held me rigid and upright fading away.
“Hi,” Philippa said with a bright smile before she frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“I… thought you were someone else.”
“Oh, no, it’s just me.” She offered another bright smile.
“Is magic real?” I blurted out.
Philippa’s smile faded again, her eyes shifting to the cabin before she looked at me again. “What do you mean?”
“Is magic real?” I asked again. “Tell me it’s real, and I’m not just going crazy.” I covered my face with my hands. “On the one hand, I wish I were going crazy and all this is nothing. On the other hand, I can’t stand feeling all of this… I don’t even know what this is.”
When I peeked at Philippa through my fingers, her face had sobered. She jutted her chin into the air. Her dark brown hair with the flowers woven into it looked like something from a fairy tale.
None of this could be real—she couldn’t be real.
Ash…
“It’s real,” Philippa said.
I sagged in relief again.
“Let’s go inside, then we can talk,” Philippa suggested. “And you can get into something more…”
“Yeah,” I said, realizing I was still just wearing my T-shirt and didn’t look very presentable.
I stood up from the ground, and we walked to the cabin together. While Philippa waited in the living room area, I twisted a tunic around my body and tied my hair into a knot behind my head, using a bit of twine. It had been a while since I’d been able to use special shampoos and conditioners, and my hair had become accustomed to just water. It wasn’t oily anymore, as it had been at one point, and I didn’t feel dirty.
Philippa stood at one of the windows when I came out of the room. She turned to me and smiled.
“So, magic, huh?” she said. “That’s a big revelation.”
I nodded. “I feel it all the time. Everywhere. It wasn’t like this when I got here at first, but the longer I’m here, the more I feel like nothing is what it seems.”
“It might be your bond with Ash that causes it.”
“What bond?” I asked. “Is it because we’re together, in a way?”
“I guess you could say that, but it’s?—”
“Where am I?” I asked. “This isn’t the human world, is it?”
“It’s not,” Philippa said carefully. “It’s difficult to explain. I mean, we’re on earth and everything. It’s not like this is a different universe. It’s just… parallel. I think that’s the best way to put it.”
“How did I get here?”
“I think you stumbled into it when you were running away from the men who are after you.”
I shook my head. I didn’t know how it was possible.
“This is too much. Magic isn’t real. It can’t be.”
As I said it, I knew that wasn’t true. It was very real, but that was what Cat had been trying to tell me all this time, wasn’t it? Oh, if she could only know that all of this existed.
Thinking about my sister made my stomach twist and turn.
“That’s why I can’t reach out to my sister, call her, find out anything about her. Right?”
“Right,” Philippa said.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I asked. “Ash should have told me.”
“He should have,” Philippa agreed. “He’s had a bad run with humans, though. Ava—his ex-girlfriend I told you about—was human, too. He’s very apprehensive.”
“He doesn’t seem very apprehensive to me,” I said with a blush, thinking back to the way he’d fucked me in front of the fireplace. “He can be very forward.”
Philippa shook her head. “It’s not that simple.”
It should have been that simple. He should have talked to me, told me what was going on.
“Let me get this straight,” I said. “I’m stuck in some alternate realm, where I’m waiting for… what am I waiting for?”
“Well, that’s the thing. You can’t?—”
“What is Ash?” I cut her off again. “You keep talking about me being human. If he’s not human, what is he?”
“He’s a drus,” Philippa said.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a male version of a tree sprite. He lives in the forest, and he takes care of it. He can shapeshift into human form when he’s not in his tree, which is how you see him.”
“A shapeshifter…” I said, blinking at Philippa.
She nodded at me.
My heart beat faster, and my hands felt clammy. I swallowed hard. My tongue was too thick for my mouth.
“What are you?” I asked.
Philippa offered me a gentle smile. “I’m the goddess of friendship. My real name is Philotes.”
“Philotes?” I asked, confused. “You told me your name is Philippa.”
“Philippa rolls off the tongue better, and it’s not such a red flag for humans.”
“Are you… friends with a lot of humans?”
Philippa—Philotes, or whoever—shook her head. “No, not a lot. I don’t reach out to humans in general, but when I found out about you being here, I wanted to reach out. It looked like you needed a friend, and I?—”
“This is impossible!” I cried out, my mind trying to wrap around the facts and failing. “Magic isn’t real.” My breathing came in ragged gasps, and my chest felt tight again. Despite gasping for air, I felt like I was suffocating. “Sprites? Goddesses… this isn’t real,” I whispered. I pressed my hand against my chest, gasping for air.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Philippa said. “Calm down.”
My ears started ringing, and Philippa’s voice sounded like she was far away from me.
“Lorraine, you’re going to be okay. Just breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Come on, you can do it.”
I nodded and did as she commanded. I knew I had to get myself to calm down. I was too worked up, and a panic attack wouldn’t make anything better.
“There we go,” Philippa said gently as my breathing slowed to a more normal rate. “You’re going to be okay. I know it’s a lot to take in, but you should look at the bright side.”
“What bright side?” I asked dully.
“I know the magic is scary and it’s a concept you don’t understand yet, but it’s what’s keeping you safe. The vale that Ash protects includes this part of the forest where his cabin is, and it’s submerged in magic, hiding you away from not only the real world but most of the realm you’re in, too. It’s why Ash brought you here, so you can be safe until all this is taken care of.”
I nodded, listening to Philippa’s words, forcing myself to understand what she was saying. “He should have told me,” I said.
“I know,” Philippa agreed. “It’s not so simple.”
“Not so simple? I don’t agree with you.” I got up.
“Where are you going?” Philippa asked.
“I need to talk to him, to find out what’s going on.” I was angry now. I preferred anger over panic and fear, over thinking I was crazy. Ash had known all this time what was going on. He should have been open with me so that I knew where I stood at least.
“Lorraine,” Philippa tried, but I left her in the cabin and marched across the clearing toward the forest. When I stepped onto the path that led into the trees, I was acutely aware of the magic I passed through. It was the barrier Philippa had talked about that kept me safe.
Ash had a hell of a lot of explaining to do.