24. Ash
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ash
I stepped out of my tree after a restless night. Last night, I’d kept an eye on Lorraine from the forest rather than sleeping with her in the cabin. I’d stayed over one or two nights now, and it was fucking dangerous.
If I did that too often, I would get used to it. And when all this was over, I would miss it.
No fucking way I would let myself get that pathetic again.
I slipped out of my tree and into my human form, stretching until my spine popped. I turned my neck both ways until it popped on both sides before I tilted my head back and took a deep breath.
It was a new day.
I’d waited for that piece of shit to come back, but he hadn’t.
Good.
I’d fucked him up just enough that he was too scared to come back, but not so much that he wouldn’t remember what had happened. I wanted him to remember every blow and know that if he came back, that would happen again. Next time, though, it would be a lot worse.
Still, the fact that he’d been here wasn’t solved. Why had he come back here? They’d combed this area when Lorraine had first gotten away from them, and thanks to the magic that hid the cabin, they hadn’t found any sign of her being here at all. They’d moved on to other places, searching, but they’d been going further and further away.
At least, that was what had been happening. Now they were back.
What was here that drew them back when the magic hid her so well?
Something was wrong.
“Hey,” Rowan said, stepping into view. “You’re up early.” He chuckled. “Or maybe I should say, you’re up.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, it’s not such a weird thing for me to be awake.”
“A while ago, it was a rare occurrence. I got to see you once every couple of decades. Now you’re around so often, I’m starting to get sick of you.”
I snorted. “Thanks for that.”
Rowan laughed heartily at his own joke and leaned against a tree. “So, what are your plans for the day? Any chance you’re going to swing by the lake for a change and actually hang out with the rest of us?”
I shook my head.
“Yeah, I didn’t think you would,” Rowan said, pulling a face. “Worth a shot, I guess. You know, if you make yourself that scarce, you’re going to reach a point where you’re not missed anymore.”
I glared at Rowan. “That should make it easier on all of you when I leave, then.”
Rowan’s smile faded. “Gods, I was just joking, asshole. What crawled up your tree and bit you in the ass?”
I shook my head. I was being a dick.
“Something’s wrong,” I said.
“Would you like me to list a couple of things I can think of, or did you have something in mind?” His smile and his joking attitude were back. I liked him, but he pissed me off sometimes, too.
“I had something in mind,” I said.
“Oh, okay.” His eyes danced with laughter. “Shoot. I’m all ears.”
“The traffickers are back.”
“What?” Rowan’s smile gave away to a frown. “How do you know it’s them?”
“I saw one,” I said. “I fucked him up good and proper, too, but I don’t think this is the end of it.”
“Oh, I missed a fight? Dammit! Why do you always have all the fun?”
“They’re back for some reason, and I don’t know why. What made them double back?”
“Maybe it’s your sunny personality,” Rowan joked.
I bristled. “This is serious, Rowan. Stop fucking around.”
Rowan’s face sobered, and this time, his eyes grew guarded, his lips pursed into a thin line. The humor was gone for good now.
“Okay, I’ll stop fucking around. Sorry for screwing with your agenda for this meeting.”
I suddenly realized I preferred his humor.
“Look, I know I’m being a dick, okay?”
“Understatement of the century.”
I sighed. “I’m not like you, always happy and looking at the bright side of life.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Rowan said. “Whatever. What’s this thing you think’s happening?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “They have to be here for a reason. They’re looking for her, and something brought them back here. I don’t know what it could be. I can’t let them find her.”
“Why not?” Rowan asked.
I frowned at him. “Are you seriously asking me that question?”
Rowan only shrugged and folded his arms over his chest.
“If they find her, they’ll kill her. Or worse.”
“And you’re all twisted in a knot about this because…”
“What the fuck, man?” I demanded. “When I asked you to stop fucking around, I didn’t mean for you to get rid of all your emotions, too. Since when don’t you give a shit about what happens to another living creature?”
“You see, this is the part where it gets hazy,” Rowan said. “Since when do you care?”
“I’ve always fucking cared.”
“Not enough to want to stick around and be who you are.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Rowan looked down, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”
I was getting pissed off at how cryptic he was being, but before I could say so, he spoke again.
“You keep complaining that your past is so fucking hard to deal with that you just want to get away from this life, this world, everything that defines you.”
“Yeah?”
“And at the same time, you’re doing the same thing, getting stuck in the same loop as before. Tell me how that makes sense. You want to run away from the world, but you’re hellbent on taking that damn world with you.”
I stared at Rowan. “That’s not what this is about.”
“Don’t give me that shit,” Rowan said. “You like her, and that scares you, so you want to leave it all behind, but you don’t want to leave her behind. You have to make up your fucking mind. Either you’re all in, or you’re all out. You don’t get to stand with one foot in this world and the other in a different world, swaying back and forth as you choose.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but Rowan held up his hand.
“Don’t,” he said. “All you’re going to say is that you’re only looking after her until after All Hallows’ Eve, that this isn’t the endgame, blah, blah, blah.”
“It’s not!”
“So, what the fuck does it matter if the human traffickers are after another human? Leave her behind then, let them sort out their own shit if that’s what you’re so hellbent on getting away from.”
He glared at me, and I glared right back. How could he tell me to just let them get to her? Didn’t he get it?
But he didn’t get it. How could he? All he’d reacted to was what he saw from the outside, and everything he’d said was right.
Fuck if I was going to admit it, though. Not to him, and not to myself.
“I have to go,” I said. “I’ll see you around.”
“Sure,” Rowan said.
I turned around and walked away without really fixing anything with Rowan. We would get to that at some point. I knew this for a fact.
I walked toward the cabin before I realized where I was going.
What did all of this mean? The traffickers, the magic, Lorraine and what I felt for her… there was so much going on that I didn’t understand.
It didn’t matter, though. It shouldn’t have. Like Rowan had said, I wanted to leave it all behind.
The problem was that it would mean leaving Lorraine behind, too. I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted.
I shook off the thought. She was human. I’d already walked that road, I knew how it ended. Besides, she had a life to get back to.
After All Hallows’ Eve, it would all be over, and then none of it would matter anymore. I just had to keep her safe until then. Then I could let go of it all and move on with my life.
What life? a little voice screamed at the back of my mind.
I ignored it and kept walking.