CHAPTER EIGHTEEN #2
With a nod, putting her complete trust in him, she wrapped her arms around his neck, buried her face against his shoulder, and held her breath as she felt his hand fumble between them.
The hard tip of his erection brushed against her aching folds, paused there a moment, then slipped inside her tight warmth.
A deep gasp tore from her as his hard length filled her, as the press of his hips against her thighs opened her even more, but having him inside her didn’t hurt—well, not as much as she’d expected.
Instead, the sensation was more discomfort at being stretched wide around him, a tightness that increased as he slowly sank into her in a series of careful advances and retreats, each time moving slightly deeper, until their two pelvises finally rested against each other.
“All right?” he rasped into her ear. His breath came in shallow pants, and his body lay tensed against hers, his hard muscles clenched like a coiled spring, as he held himself just above her on his elbows.
“Yes,” she whispered and gave a jerking nod.
Thank God he couldn’t see the disappointment on her face!
This wasn’t at all the wonderful joining of bodies that she’d fantasized about during all those long, lonely nights without him.
Maybe that was why he had kissed her the way he had before, down there until pleasure nearly consumed her, because he knew that was the most pleasant part and this wasn’t. It wasn’t pleasant—not at all.
His lips lingered at her temple, and he whispered, “It will be better in a moment, and then it will be simply wonderful.”
Another jerking nod answered him.
“Just relax and let the pleasure come.” He placed a reassuring kiss to her earlobe. “And remember to breathe.”
Before she could give another disbelieving nod, he gave a slow, tender swirl of his hips.
The deep breath she’d been holding escaped in a long sigh as the discomfort eased away, and in its place came the pleasure he’d promised as he glided smoothly with each slow plunge and retreat.
The sensation was still unusual, his body still hard and large and tense.
Yet with every gently rocking motion against the cradle of her hips, the discomfort faded a little more until it vanished, and the throbbing ache inside her grew in intensity until she could no longer lie still.
She felt compelled to move and tilted her hips to meet his, wrapped her legs around his waist, and held on, both to him and to this wonderful moment.
Her movement drew a growl from him, and his gentle rocking grew harder and deeper until his hips thrust against hers.
The tension built inside both of them. She could feel it in the trembling, hard muscles of his shoulders and back, as well as in her own body that clenched tightly around his.
The yearning inside her ached fiercely now, and she felt electrified, like the storm raging outside in the night.
“I can’t…” She let go of his neck to grab for the mattress beside her with both hands, desperate to find purchase as the world threatened to fall away beneath her. “I need…please!”
“Yes, sweet,” he murmured between clenched teeth. Then he laced his fingers through hers and lifted her arms over her head.
She moaned and arched beneath him. Her silk stockings slid over his hips and thighs, and she locked her ankles together at the small of his back to keep him as deep inside her as possible, to keep him from slipping away from her.
His head sank between his shoulders as he rose up over her, his body assuming a new angle that brought him even deeper and impossibly closer.
His eyes were shut tight and his jaw set hard in concentration as he continued to thrust into her, never pausing in that wonderful rhythm that was consuming her.
Then—he swirled his hips in a wide circle.
The unexpected motion pressed against the aching bead buried in her folds, and a jolt of electricity shot through her.
“Gabe!” Her back arched off the mattress, and her body clenched all the way down to her toes. All of her yearned for more—
His hips swirled again, but this time, he ground his pelvis hard into hers. And this time, it wasn’t a jolt of electricity that surged through her but a lightning bolt.
She cried out as a spasm of pure pleasure crashed over her. Every tiny muscle inside her clenched around him so strongly that a groan tore from him, then released into bliss. She went instantly limp beneath him, her arms and legs turning boneless against the velvet counterpane.
He lowered his head and kissed her. Even through the fog of release clouding her senses, she could taste the desire still burning inside him, could still feel the rock-hard length of him impaling her, and the tension in his straining muscles as he lay over her.
He released her hands and placed his palms flat on the mattress on either side of her.
Now, when he began to thrust into her again, she could feel his need to drive to his own release.
Each movement of his body came hard, fast, ravenous—
A deep, animal-like growl tore from him, and he suddenly slipped from her warmth.
He gathered her into his arms and pressed his still-hard erection between their bellies.
He jerked his hips, and Helena felt a warm liquid spill across her hip.
The growl turned into a groan as the tension seeped from him in a rush, and he collapsed onto her, completely spent and panting hard for breath.
The realization struck her of what he’d done, how he hadn’t spilled his seed inside her.
Helena closed her eyes and tried not to let the pang of disappointment wound her, although she knew exactly why he hadn’t.
Even now, this close to their wedding, he wouldn’t risk that she might get with child before the ceremony.
Even now, Clarissa’s ghost still haunted them.
She bit her inner lip to keep the stinging tears at bay and focused instead on the delicious weight of his body pressing down on hers, on the pounding of his heart with hers and the gradual slowing of his breathing.
He rolled onto his side and pulled her tenderly into his arms. He nuzzled her neck, then placed a lingering kiss to her shoulder. She felt his lips smile against her skin.
She had no words to express the sensations battering her heart at that moment, except…
“I love you,” she whispered, unable to stop a tear from falling down her cheek.
He tensed. The terrible silence suddenly between them was disturbed only by the sounds of the rain beating down outside.
Dreading the expression of disinterest she might see on his face—or worse, pity—she opened her eyes and gazed up at him in the shadows. What she saw instead nearly broke her heart. For him. Because the emotion she saw…utter bewilderment that someone might love him.
“I do love you,” she repeated, barely above the sound of the intensifying rain against the window. “With all my heart.” She felt a desperate need to reassure both of them. “I think I fell in love with you the moment we met, and I never—”
He rolled her onto her back and rose up over her on his forearm. He searched her face for answers. “How can you feel that way after the ordeal I put you through?” He rasped out quietly, “You should hate me, not love me.”
“I did that, too,” she admitted. “For the longest time, I…” Hated you, cursed you…but I never stopped loving you. She swallowed, hard. “But now I know the man you are and why you did it. It had nothing to do with me—with us. I can accept that now.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he murmured and caressed her cheek.
She let out a long-suffering sigh. “No, you don’t.”
He grinned at her, then lowered his head to give her a kiss that stole her breath away. But as his mouth plundered hers, she felt his happiness fade, until his kiss tasted not of desire but grief.
“Forgive me, Helena,” he murmured against her lips. Regret filled each word. “Please, darling, forgive me for what I did.”
A new tear slipped free. The apology she’d been waiting five years to receive… “Yes,” she whispered and buried her face in his bare shoulder. “I forgive you for everything.”
The relief that surged through him was palpable. So was the affection for her that she felt in the caresses of his hands as they swept over her. He was going to make love to her again, she knew, and she welcomed it.
But all the happiness swelling in her chest couldn’t make her forget that he hadn’t said he loved her.
Yet he would. He simply had to, or… No. There was no or.
Physical contact like they’d shared tonight was one thing—albeit one incredibly wonderful, simply delicious thing—but a true marriage was entirely different.
She offered up a silent prayer that she had enough time before the wedding to thaw his frozen heart.
Closing her eyes as she surrendered to him again, she was more determined than ever to make him love her.