Chapter 30
Ophelia watched Adelaide playing with Harriet, doing her best to smile, as she did her best to hold back her tears.
The baby giggled as Adelaide bounced her on her knees, Adelaide beamed and laughed at the cuteness, and Ophelia knew that such sounds of joy coming from the baby were what she would miss the most.
What Adrian proposed… Ophelia still struggled to admit that it was the right thing. He made it sound as if it was. And if he was right about Lord Delacourt, Harriet would be given the life that she deserved, and one that Ophelia could not offer her. But was it right?
Or am I just so selfish that I cannot admit such a thing?
She knew too that it wasn’t just the thought of losing Harriet that broke her. That was one thing, a pain beyond anything that she had ever known. But if she lost Harriet, while still having Adrian with her, then maybe…
Ophelia shook her head, refusing to go down that path. As she was set to lose Harriet, she had already lost Adrian. It was hard to reckon with that fact, and time and again Ophelia had wondered how she’d ended up here. They were so close… they almost had it all… and now she had nothing.
“When is Lord Delacourt set to see her?” Adelaide asked as she wrapped Harriet in a tight hug.
“Tomorrow,” Ophelia sighed. “Or so he says.”
Adelaide pouted. “Perhaps His Grace is right? If he is, it will likely be for the best. To be raised as his daughter, a lady of the ton, and so loved that she cannot stand it.” Adelaide’s smile was hopeful. “I know you want that for her, Ophelia.”
Ophelia sniffed back her tears. “I do, Adelaide. And I hope Adrian is right…”
They sat in the back garden of Ophelia’s estate, out in the sun, enjoying what a pleasant day was.
Ophelia had not sent word ahead of her coming to see Adelaide.
Rather, she just climbed into a carriage and directed it to her home.
And while she thought to leave Harriet behind, she also wanted to spend as much time with the children as possible.
As she had known, Adelaide was thrilled to see her.
Just as she was compassionate when Ophelia told her all that had happened.
She did not lie about the baby’s origins.
She did not subvert the story in any way.
She opened her heart and let it all out, needing it spoken so that she might come to terms with her new world.
“And what of you?” Adelaide asked.
“What of me?”
“Ophelia…” Adelaide’s expression was all pity. “There is no need to pretend to be so strong. I would hope that you know I am the last person who might judge you.”
“I am fine,” Ophelia lied. “Just worried about Harriet.”
“And after she goes with Lord Delacourt?” Adelaide pressed gently, careful not to push too hard. “You are… You have found somewhere to live?”
“Not yet.” In truth, Ophelia had not looked as hard as she should have done. She told herself it was because she was distracted by Harriet, while knowing that the true reason was the vain hope that Adrian might change his mind.
“Oh…” Adelaide’s brow furrowed. “If you like, I can ask my father…”
“It is fine,” Ophelia said. “This is something I need to do on my own.”
“And His Grace?” she asked, again with caution.
“What of him?”
“Has he said anything? Has he suggested that he…” She bit into her lip. “You know, now that Harriet has found a new home, it might be worth speaking to him again. If you told him that you do not want to leave –”
“I do want to leave,” Ophelia cut her off sharply.
Adelaide looked at her plainly. “Please, do not lie to me, Ophelia. No… do not lie to yourself.”
“I am not lying. I want to leave. There is no future for me with Adrian. I need this… a fresh start, on my own.”
Ophelia took no pleasure in lying to her friend. But she had no choice. And to admit otherwise, to dare and dream, did her no good. If anything, it only made things worse.
Time and again, Ophelia had thought back to the last few weeks.
She remembered fondly those days when Adrian had allowed himself to spend time with her and Harriet…
when he had wanted to do so. She smiled often, recalling his hesitancy in the park, how slow he was to warm up to her.
And she often cried when she pictured them at the theater together, hand in hand, warmth and love emanating between them because for a few moments there, she had been certain that Adrian had finally changed into the man who she knew he could be.
But it was all a lie.
Adrian was not just stubborn, but determinedly against change. For reasons that she could not fathom, he believed that he was happier on his own. And while a part of her wondered if it was worth fighting for what she knew could be, a greater part was tired of trying.
If he wanted her, it would be up to him to realize it. Laughable, she knew, as he would never do such a thing.
“It is a shame,” Adelaide sighed as she handed Harriet back to Ophelia.
“What is?”
Adelaide’s smile was forgiving and warm like the sun. “I cannot stop picturing the two of you in the park that time, remember? When I saw you both.” She laughed and shook her head. “If I had not known you, I would have thought you were a couple in love. Truly, to see it made me jealous.”
“I…” Ophelia focused on Harriet. “We were never in love.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Ophelia opened her mouth to dismiss her friend a second time. She needed to. She needed to believe that love with Adrian was impossible, not worth considering, and would only lead to pain and suffering of a type that she was done feeling.
But that she felt that way at all… is that not proof of how I feel?
If she did not love Adrian, then why did she hurt so much? If she did not love Adrian, why was she so desperate for him to come to her, to tell her that he did not want her to go? If she did not love Adrian, why was he all she could think about?
“Does it matter?” she sighed as she held Harriet close. “Love or no, our marriage is over. And once Harriet is gone, there will be no reason for me to stay.”
She felt Adelaide’s eyes on her. She felt her pity and her sadness. She felt her lie rebuffed, denied, the obvious truth of her feelings so stark that they could not be ignored. What was more, she felt a need for Adelaide to talk some sense into her!
However, before she got the chance, Adelaide’s eyes shifted and then widened with excitement when she spied someone hurrying through the garden and toward them.
“Oh!” Adelaide was on her feet. “It is about time!”
Ophelia turned to see a footman rushing down the path. Adelaide swept to meet him, giggling as she did, and then beaming as she took from the footman a letter.
“Adelaide…” Ophelia frowned with interest and slight jealousy as Adelaide sat back down. “Dare I ask?” She indicated the letter.
“Oh, this?” Adelaide pretended to shy away. “It is nothing…”
Ophelia almost did not push. She had a pretty good idea what the letter was, for her friend’s reaction could mean nothing else. But jealousy stabbed at Ophelia like a dull blade, and a small part of her hated that her friend was in the throes of romance while she had nothing.
Then again, Ophelia also needed the distraction. What was more, she needed to be reminded that the world was not such an awful place. Her friend was clearly over the moon; such feelings ought to have been celebrated, and Ophelia wanted to be the type who would do such a thing.
“Oh, please,” Ophelia snorted. “If you wish to be coy, the first thing you might try doing is wiping that smile from your face.”
“What smile?” Adelaide’s smile literally split her face in two halves.
“Tell me who wrote you,” Ophelia laughed. “Or I will be forced to wrestle that letter from your hands.”
Adelaide laughed. “Well, if you must know…” Her eyes flashed, and she leaned in, dropping her voice. “But you must promise to keep it a secret. Even my father does not know.”
“How scandalous,” Ophelia joked.
“It is nothing like that! But a certain gentleman has been writing to me the last few weeks.” She grinned wickedly.
“Apparently, I caught his eye at a ball, and he was too nervous to approach me. But his letters, Ophelia…” Her eyes glazed over.
“I have never read something so romantic! It is as if fate has finally taken an interest in me. And about time!”
“His name?” Ophelia asked. “You must tell me that.”
“His name?” Adelaide looked away shyly. But then turned back and beamed. “Lord Percival Hallbridge. Do you know him? I am not even sure what he looks like.”
Ophelia’s face paled, and her mouth dropped open, just in time to join her stomach as it fell right out from her.
Oh no…
Adelaide blushed, giggled, and looked like a woman in love.
It was a look that Ophelia recognized well enough, as she knew the feeling of being courted by a man who appeared to be truly interested in her.
She remembered such letters. She remembered those charming words.
Most of all, what she remembered was the harsh reality that came when she learned the lies attached.
“Adelaide, I want you to listen very closely.” Ophelia kept one arm around Harriet but used her other to take Adelaide’s hand. She squeezed it, holding her eyes so that her friend would know that she was being serious. “Whatever you do, you cannot keep writing to Lord Hallbridge.”
Adelaide started in surprise. “What? Ophelia, why would I –”
“Please,” Ophelia spoke over her. “I know this man. I know his lies. I am sure he has said all the right things, that he has made you feel special and seen. But he does not mean it, Adelaide, and I have no doubt that he will hurt you.”
“Ophelia, how do you…” Adelaide looked into Ophelia’s eyes, and she gasped. “No? He is not the one who…”
“He is,” Ophelia said. “I would not say such things if I did not know them to be true.”
Adelaide pushed her lips together, and Ophelia saw the fight raging behind her eyes. No doubt she wanted to dismiss Ophelia’s concern No doubt it hurt her to believe such words. And no doubt, the thought of being lied to was a painful one to accept.
“I trust you,” Adelaide finally said with a deep sigh. “As I know you would never say such things if they were not true.”
Ophelia exhaled with relief. “I am so sorry, Adelaide. I hate to say such things, but I just want what is best.”
Adelaide tossed the letter away and sneered. “I knew it was too good to be true. For who would ever want me.”
“Do not say that!” Ophelia kept hold of her friend’s hand. “Any man would want you.”
Adelaide laughed gaily as if her sorrow was a thing of the past. “Look at us. Has there ever been two such tragic cases in the history of the world? But at least we have each other.”
“That we do.”
The words were kind, but they were also hollow.
Ophelia took no pleasure in breaking her friend’s romance apart, just as she knew that it was the right thing to do.
Alas, the right thing… that was a theme in Ophelia’s life of late, and never had it felt so wrong.
Why could the right thing not bring happiness?
Why did it not bring joy? And if it was so right, why did it feel so wrong?
She was not alone, for she had Adelaide, as Adelaide had her. But the little good that did, because it only made Ophelia realize just how lonely she truly was.