Chapter 25
Cynthia
Friday
Teresa looks tired and haggard as she nurses Thomas in the parlor with me. There’s a look of sympathy in her eyes as she pats her little boy on the back, soothing him as he fusses at her breasts. “I will be honest. I wasn’t expecting your note this morning.”
“Is it truly all right that I stay with you? I do not mean to be an imposition. I only want to learn how to be a proper wife and mother.”
She tosses her head back with a laugh. “And you think to learn that here? What delusions you hold.”
I smother a smirk as I shake my head. “You are the only one with a baby. I fear I have no choice.”
“No choice is correct. But in truth, I am very happy for the company. Tell me, though. Why are you really here? I appreciate the lie for my sake, but I know there is more. Come. I will have it. I have been denied idle gossip and would love to hear my fill.”
Biting down on my lower lip, I grab a tart and nibble on the crust. “There is not much to tell.”
“Lies,” she hisses, smiling to belie her tone. “One does not send an urgent missive in the night and flee the next morning. Out with it. Have the triplets become too much for you?”
“No!” I cry out. “Never. We are still true and fast friends.”
“I see. The dowager duchess then? Has she filled your head with more information than you can handle?”
“No. She has been quite gracious and judicious with her words.”
“Is it the Duke of Norhaven?” Her sharp eyes stare at me, noting and calculating everything. “It is. Tell me all.”
“I- There’s nothing… That is… I shall not be marrying him. I am constrained to marry Henhaven.”
She narrows her eyes. “Yes. We knew that. Why would there be any doubt? Has he made some grand promises to you? Has he-” She looks around to make sure we’re alone before clasping a hand over Thomas’s ear. “Has he been intimate with you?”
My lips tremble as I long to confess and tell her everything. But then, Charles and I would be forced to marry. If he is not willing to forgo propriety and just claim me or even compromise me publicly, then why would he take kindly to a marriage forced between us?
No. I cannot give him away. I cannot chain myself to an Alpha who cannot, will not, choose me.
“He did his best to find fault with Henhaven and found none. I was informed of it only yesterday.”
She leans back but refuses to stop watching me. Deep down, I’m sure she knows, but without me confirming it, there is nothing she can say or do.
“But you find fault with Henhaven?”
“It’s not fault, exactly. It’s more that he’s… He’s good.”
“Good?” she chuckles. “I would hope you’d be with a man who is good.”
“Yes, but… Not like the rest of the men. Not…”
“Deviant?” she supplies.
“Exactly so.”
“I don’t think you need to worry quite so much. Most men do not let on their deepest desires until after the wedding. It would be quite untoward.”
“Is that how it was between you and Foxford?”
“Oh, heavens no,” she laughs. “But then, I was a stubborn wench who needed a quick trip over his knee quite often. It came as no surprise when he tied me to the bed on our wedding night.”
A blush heats my face as I duck my head. “I didn’t imagine it then? You did scream out at your wedding breakfast, and not because you saw his anatomy for the first time?”
As she opens her mouth, a footman steps into the room. “A Lord Henhaven to see Miss Campbell.”
Teresa smiles, turns to unlatch Thomas, and fixes her fichu. “Such conversations must wait for a later time. Bring him in! I’ve quite longed to meet the man who would be your husband. Thomas should be quite settled. If you please, we are ready.”
Teresa and I watch as he walks to the entryway and eases in, bowing before coming in fully. “Thank you for your patience, Your Grace,” he says to Teresa. “I apologize for interrupting your time with your son.”
“Nonsense,” she cries out, pointing to an empty chair. “He is quite well. Please. Have a seat.”
Henhaven walks over, his movements stiff and slow. As he sits, a small wince crosses his face.
“My lord,” I ask. “Are you well?”
He gives me a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “You must forgive me. I inquired after you at the Barrington home, but found you had left just this morning. I was unaware of your desire to leave, and so made haste over here. It should be me asking you if everything is well with you.”
Though my bottom still aches and my body feels battered and bruised, I smile as sweetly as I can muster. “I am moving far more freely than you are.”
“No doubt your good friend the Duke of Norhaven has told you of my plight.”
I sit forward, concern furrowing my brows. “Norhaven has not said one word to me in regard to you.” That is, nothing worth saying, anyway. “Please, be blunt with your words. What is your meaning?”
He chuckles then clutches his side for a moment before bringing his hands back down to his lap. “Nothing more than a friendly spar at Jackson’s. My arse was handed to me most resoundingly.”
Though he laughs, I can tell it’s not all genuine. Not in a mean or malicious way, but that interaction might not have been nearly as friendly as he lets on. Even now, he protects Norhaven since he and his family are my friends. Is there any fault to be found with the man?
Only that he’s not deviant. I suppose I should put such childish needs aside. He is a good man, and will, no doubt, be an upstanding husband.
“Word was not sent to me. And you are well? Truly?”
“Truly,” he smiles, this time a touch more warmly and inviting. “It does my heart good that you have such concern for me.”
Guilt eats at my insides as I force another smile to my face. Of course he thinks I cared nothing for him before now. It’s not Henhaven’s fault that he got to my father first. Or that he wanted me badly enough to actually ask for my hand.
Teresa props Thomas up against her shoulder and pats his back. “How fare the wedding plans? I fear I’ve not been kept much in the conversation.”
“I was hoping to finish planning this afternoon. That is, if you’re amenable, Miss Campbell?”
“Of course. Our wedding approaches in nearly a week. All must be settled.”
“Excellent.”
His eyes light up as he discusses possible flowers and arrangements. Every option he puts forward, I accept with as much grace as I can muster. Teresa does her best to engage me as well, but I find every crack in my heart splintering with each plan.
Once he’s satisfied, he turns back to Teresa and regales her with tales of the home I’ll be living in. I do my absolute best to find interest in it, but my heart simply isn’t there. It’s not exciting. It’s not thrilling. It’s a home.
“Tell me then, Henhaven, if you would be so kind. What manner of discipline do you employ with all those sisters?”
He turns to me, his mouth parting a bit before looking back at her. “I must ask, what is this obsession with me showing cruelty to my siblings? Should I be beating them morning, noon, and night?”
“Oh, not at all,” she soothes as she continues to rub Thomas. “It’s just that I am an only child with a son of my own now. If he’s anything like his father, he will be headstrong. I was merely hoping that with you as a caretaker, you could give me some insight.”
The lie drips smoothly from her lips, and I cannot help but be in awe of her. If only I could be half as good. Maybe then Henhaven would believe that I care for him.
“Forgive me, Your Grace,” he sighs. “Such tasks were my father’s. Once he and Mother passed, I couldn’t find it in my heart to take up such a mantle. They are far more unruly than I’d like, but they’re happy. That’s all that matters to me right now.”
Teresa gives me a look that clearly shows her sympathy, but it’s no use. It just confirms what I’m already sure about. I sit high in my chair and listen as he describes the hall in great detail.
No wonder he gave me such a look when we went out riding. I must not have been paying attention at all. The whole place seems rather dreadful. Dark stone, dark wood, surrounded by a forest of trees. I fear I will not thrive there.
“But, of course, I do have the funds for you to make some adjustments,” he says, giving me a hopeful look. No doubt wondering if I’m paying attention this time.
I give him the sweetest smile I can muster. “I don’t wish to ruin your family’s legacy-”
“Ruin it. Please. I’m tired of my workers saying it’s Devil Hall.”
At that, I chuckle, and Henhaven and I share our first genuine smile together. It hurts. Oh, but it hurts. However, there is a part of me that wonders if I can, in fact, heal from Charles.
But even as I think it, that odd pang comes back. He’s never marked me. At least, he hasn’t in a way that’s caused a true bond. That doesn’t keep me from seeking him out, from wanting to be by his side, to hear both his growl and purr.
The footman steps in once more, breaking the growing tension. “The Duke of Norhaven is here to see Miss Campbell.”
Both Teresa and Henhaven look at me, watching what I’ll do. What can I do? To bring him in would be to disrespect the man I’m forced to marry.
“Please tell His Grace that I am not at home,” I say, rejecting him the same way he’s rejected me.
“Very good,” he says as he turns on his heel.
My insides clench as he walks away, footsteps echoing down the polished hall.
Henhaven sits beside me, close enough to touch, but doesn’t. “You are more than welcome to receive him. I hold no quarrel with your friends. Despite the sound trouncing I had yesterday,” he says with a small smile. “Please do not think that marrying me will curtail your acquaintances.”
If only he weren’t so kind. If only he were the arse Norhaven thought he was. If only…
“You flatter me,” I say, my voice somehow strong despite the agony threading through me. “The truth is, I’m feeling a touch unwell and was about to retire to my bedchamber.”
“Nothing severe, I hope.” He says it with such urgency, such tenderness. It’s enough to make my stomach churn.
“Just a megrim. I get those now and then. It’s probably just my nerves. It’s not every day a girl gets to plan a wedding.”
“Then I shall leave you to your rest. Miss Campbell. Your Grace.”
As he walks out of the room, I collapse upon the couch, plopping my head in my hands. Though not truly ill, it’s not a complete lie. I do, indeed, feel quite wretched. Thankfully, Teresa says nothing.
With a soft smile, she holds out Thomas and lets me take him in my arms. Clutching him close to my chest, I rest my cheek on his soft head and breathe him in. So small. So tiny. So soothing.
As I finally drag myself to my bedroom, I slide in between the sheets, sigh heavy on my lips. My eyes feel heavy, as does my head. It would be good to get a proper night’s rest.
On that thought, I hop back out of the bed and circle the room, pressing every board I can reach. When no secret passage appears, I give the room a firm nod and go back to the bed. Maybe a night without Charles will do me some good.
More tears gather in my eyes as I turn and bury my face in the pillow. How did all of it go so wrong? Why am I made to suffer so? I don’t have very much hope, but what little I still possess drives a prayer from my lips.
“Please,” I whisper to whoever might be able to hear me. “Please let him find something. Let some secret get out that will allow us to be wed. Please.”