Chapter 26
Charles
A snarl flies from my lips as I pace about my mother’s town house. My sisters watch me, their eyes wide. In stark contrast, my mother stares at me with a rather bored expression on her face.
“If I knew you were going to throw such a tantrum,” she mutters as she smooths her hands over her dress. “I would have compelled the girl to stay. Besides, how would I know she would leave so early in the morning?”
Penelope gives a soft sniff as she looks at her sisters with a mournful air. “Have we offended her? Have we caused her some sort of grievance? How am I to make amends when I don’t even know what I did wrong?”
Guilt gnaws at my bones as I pause to take in the equally miserable expressions of my sisters. It’s not their faults. None of it is. The blame lies squarely on my shoulders.
I shouldn’t have taken such liberties with her last night. Especially not after knowing I’d have to give her up. What was I thinking offering her a torrid affair? I’m sure that was even worse than taking her arse.
“It’s nothing, dears,” my mother cajoles. “I’m sure it’s just nerves for the upcoming wedding. I do think it’s a good idea to learn from the Duchess of Foxford. What with having a baby and all. I certainly can’t offer that. All my children are grown.”
“Quite right, Mother,” I agree. “Knowing what I do about Miss Campbell, she will never tire of your friendship. Why, you four are practically sisters.”
“Then why isn’t she?” Penelope demands, tears streaming down her face.
Mother gasps and places a hand over her lips. “Penelope,” she chides. “Do not question your brother about such things.”
“And why not?” she cries out. “We all knew she was infatuated with you. You seemed to care for her. Why couldn’t you have just been the one to marry her? Why is she going off with that horrid stranger to a horrid Henhaven with his horrid sisters?”
“Penelope Dorthea Barrington,” my mother cries out. “You will keep a civil tongue in your mouth when speaking of others. I never raised you to be this cruel.”
“Then explain Charles. His actions are far more cruel than my words.” With that, she turns and races up the stairs, sobs following in her wake.
Sophia sniffles at this point and hangs her head before slowly turning to follow.
Georgiana merely looks between all of us, confusion muddling her gaze. “Did you ever truly like her at all?” she asks. “Did we just imagine it?”
I dare not answer. To do so would let loose emotions I keep heavily in check. Thankfully, she doesn’t wait for a reply. She simply sighs and shakes her head before joining the others.
To think, being chided by my own younger sisters. But then, I deserve every word. I had the woman I desired, but I lost her. Pride allowed her to slip away and into the arms of another. It’s a sin I will bear against my soul until my dying day.
“Don’t let them upset you, dear one,” Mother murmurs as she runs a hand down my arm. “They are at an age where everything is a crisis. It’s either black or white. There are no shades of gray.”
“Unfortunately, they’re right,” I sigh, letting the weight of my words settle in the air. “I lost her.”
She gives me a soft, sympathetic smile as she pats my arm. “There will be another. I’m sure of it. You’re still young. There is plenty of time to have an heir.”
My lips twitch for a moment, but I dare not tell her she’s wrong. There will never be another for me. Only Cynthia. I draw her hand up to kiss it before giving it a light squeeze. “I’ve darkened your doorstep long enough.”
There’s no way I can stay here. Not now. Not when emotion is so thick I can cut it with a knife. Guilt slashes at me as memories pour through my veins. My sisters’ words follow me, threading through the air as if they continue to speak to me.
I have no answer. I have no recourse. I have nothing if I don’t have my Cynthia.
How cruelly I’ve treated her. It matters not that she enjoyed my affections. I toyed with her heart. I made her believe. Now, when the end is near, when she needs me to let her go, I do the unthinkable.
I never planned to take her like I did last night. It was an act of desperation. All I could think of was losing her without knowing the feel of her clenching around my cock as she cried out in ecstasy.
But then to reject her again after using her for my own selfish gains… I don’t deserve her. God, if I were a better man, I’d let her go. I’d give her to someone good, like Henhaven. I’m not a better man. I’m a cad in gentleman’s clothing, a rake, and nothing more.
The cool London air does little to calm my nerves as I lament my future and curse my inaction. This can’t be it. Last night can’t be the only time I see her.
Though she rejected my call, leaving me on the doorstep like some common beta, I have to see her again. I have to make things right between us. If she won’t see me publicly, then I’ll have to find a way to make her see reason in private.
Not that there will be much talking, if I have anything to do with it. My addiction lies there in her bed, thinking she is safe from me. She’ll never be safe from me. She doesn’t get to end this. Not like this. Not without me talking to her first.
My brain works at a fast pace as I walk to and fro, desperately trying to find the right answer.
Joseph’s house has several entrances. We’ve gone in and out of them since we were children.
Perhaps Cynthia is in one of those rooms. If I can see her tonight, if I can explain things to her, all will be well. I’m sure of it.
I sneak about, flitting through bushes and shadows, keeping myself hidden. Though not nearly as skilled as my brother, I hate that I’ve become far better these last few weeks. As I approach the first entrance, my heart pounds in my chest. What if she doesn’t wish to see me?
It is, however, a moot point. As I turn the corner, Joseph stands there, leaning against the wall, his eyes already peering out into the darkness. Bollocks. I’ve been found out. Some rake I am.
“Interesting seeing you here, Norhaven,” he grinds out. “You wouldn’t be disturbing our guest, now would you?”
I do my best to carry a nonchalant air when all I wish to do is throttle the man. How dare he interfere? “Just taking the nighttime air.”
“Indeed? This far from your town house?”
“I had much to think about.”
“I see. Care to discuss it over port?”
“I’d rather not.”
“She’s getting married in about a week.”
Just hearing those words makes my blood boil. “I know.” We all bloody well know.
“She’s marrying Henhaven.”
“Again. I know.”
“There is nothing keeping them from their vows.”
“I know, damn you,” I growl out. “You think I don’t know all of this?”
“Then I repeat. Why are you here? Why do you insist on tormenting her?”
My stomach drops. Has she revealed what’s transpired between us? Have we been found out? The very thought makes me both elated and fearful for my family, all in one painful breath.
“Has she said as much?”
“No,” he finally says on a sigh. “But her face speaks volumes. Go home, Norhaven. Nothing good will come of this.” As he walks away, he turns back with a slight smirk.
“Besides, she’s not in the room connected to this entrance or any other.
Did you think I’d be so foolish as to allow her to come to scandal? ”
My fingers ball into fists as I watch him walk away. He is correct, I suppose. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. Besides, if I can’t get to her through his house, I’ll just have to find another way.