Chapter 16 #4
“You’re not the only one who’s scared about marriage,” she said quietly, watching a drop of water slide down the window.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m scared as well. But more because of my own emotions, my feelings.
” She swallowed. “I’ve always felt unworthy.
Mostly because I have to mold to what people want of me, and it’s tiring.
When I do something wrong, no matter how small, I feel like a failure.
That I’m unworthy for anyone who is looking for a wife. ”
Alastair was silent. When Arabella glanced over at him, she was surprised to see him staring at her with his mouth open.
“Did you just say you consider yourself unworthy?”
“Well, I am.” Arabella shrugged one shoulder and attempted a smile. “And given what happened with Father, whether it was an accident or something else, that’s not going to help me much. People are going to see that and judge me for something that wasn’t my fault. Why wouldn’t I be unworthy?”
“No. No.”
He pushed himself off the panel, and his hands pressed onto the wood on either side of Arabella’s head.
She felt her breath hitch at the closeness from him.
She wasn’t touching him, but she was certain she felt his heart beating.
Something was pounding in her ears, but whether it was his heartbeat or hers was another matter.
His eyes bore into hers, his expression resolute.
“You are not unworthy, Arabella. I may not know you as well as other people, but I can tell that you’re more than what you think.
You’re beautiful and intelligent, and that is a combination that you don’t need nowadays.
On top of that, you’re one of the most compassionate women I’ve ever met.
You deserve someone who will treasure you as you should be, like you’re a member of the royal family.
You should be someone’s princess. Any man who wants your attention would consider themselves lucky that you’re turning to them. ”
Arabella listened to this in growing amazement. She’d never heard anyone talk to her like this, and certainly nothing of the sort from Alastair. He’d spoken with such passion and reverence that she wondered if she was in the presence of a completely different person. It didn’t make sense.
And yet she felt a flutter in her belly from his words, from how he complimented her and looked at her as if she was the most special person he knew.
Her mouth had gone dry from the revelation. She licked her lips, and Alastair’s eyes went straight to her mouth. Something heated up in the air between them, and Arabella could see him getting closer. His face was inches from hers now, and she could feel his breath tickling her cheek.
She felt her eyes closing and was about to accept his incoming kiss when the door opened across the room.
Alastair stiffened, and then he pushed away, stepping away from the window as he ran his fingers through his hair.
Arabella was left swaying, and she leaned against the panel, wondering what had just happened.
One moment, she had been about to kiss him, and the next he was almost at the far end of the room.
“Lady Arabella.”
Her heart sank. Not the person she really wanted to see right now. Her pulse fluttering in her throat, she turned and faced Lady Hartwood, the dowager duchess, walking toward her with a slight smile that looked forced. Arabella curtsied.
“Your Grace.”
“I…” The dowager duchess glanced at Alastair before focusing on Arabella again. “I understand that I’ve been a bit… harsh toward you, and that’s not fair on my son. Especially when it seems he’s found someone he can love.”
“I… I don’t know about that, Your Grace,” Arabella said hurriedly.
“Which part?”
“I… don’t know.”
Lady Hartwood arched an eyebrow. Arabella knew she was making a fool of herself and unsure of where this was going. She did her best not to look at the floor.
“Well,” Lady Hartwood said, glancing again at her son. “Helena’s having a dinner party tomorrow night with a few friends. I’d like you to come as well.”
Arabella blinked. “You would?”
“Of course. Helena will ask you herself, I’m certain. But I would like you to know that you’re going to be welcomed here by myself, if anything.” She gave her a slight smile that was almost a grimace. “I think it would be good for all of us to… get to know each other better.”
Arabella looked at Alastair, who was standing in profile to her, but there was a smile on his face.
He seemed to be happy that his mother was making an effort.
Arabella still suspected something else was going on, but she wasn’t about to push back on this.
She needed to show that she could make an effort herself.
So she nodded in agreement.
“I think that would be a good idea, Your Grace,” she said.
That meant more time with Alastair, especially after what he’d just said to her. Arabella hadn’t thought that she would be saying that, not when she first confronted him.
She felt like she was in a strange dream. One that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to wake up from.