Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
As was common, Arabella supped alone.
Although she had not asked, one of the footmen told her that Caspian had gone into London for the evening and was not expected to return until late. And where a small part of Arabella was saddened that her husband was still set on avoiding her, another part was relieved.
She had not spoken to him since the night of the ball, nor had she dared to speak to him about her father’s threats.
It was ironic in many ways that if she and Caspian had not done as they did, if he had not purposefully avoided her as if to remind her that he wanted nothing to do with her, then she might have been more willing to approach him.
Until that moment, she had been so sure of who she was growing into, so determined to be a woman in control of her fate and her position in this house.
However, after being so utterly shamed by her father and ignored by her husband in a way that was brutally humbling, she found herself without agency, without confidence, and without a clue what to do.
If I tell Caspian, will he be grateful? Or will he blame me somehow? Will it only serve to make things worse between us…
As if things could be worse!
“Will there be anything else, Your Grace?” the footman asked her as he took her empty plate.
“Oh…” She smiled at him. “No, thank you.” He was about to walk away when a thought came to mind. “Actually, you said that His Grace is out this evening?”
“That is correct.”
“At what hour does he usually return?”
The footman considered. “It varies, Your Grace. But mostly, it is well after midnight.”
“Midnight…” She nodded her head as an idea formed.
The idea was a dangerous one. It was the kind of idea that, a few weeks ago, she would never even have considered—it would not have even occurred to her, such was the danger.
But Arabella was not who she had been then.
Yes, she had taken a few steps back, and yes, she was lately feeling chastised and weak.
But that did not mean she was the same little girl her father seemed to think she was.
If I want to be seen as someone to obey, I must act like it.
It was subtle, hardly felt at all, but Arabella willed a sense of confidence through her body that she desperately needed. She pictured the Dowager and what she might do. She imagined herself possessed of that same level of ability. And then, with nothing else for it, she acted.
“Thank you,” she said as she stood. “I will see myself to my rooms.”
With that said, Arabella strode from the dining room. But she did not make her way up the steps to her quarters. Rather, she turned sharply down the hallway, which led to the drawing room.
The residence was pitched in darkness, few lamps lit, as if the night warned her off what she was doing. Her heart raced, and her legs trembled; her entire body rallied against her. But she steadied herself the best she could, needing to believe that this was right.
She might not have the courage to stand up to her father. And she might not have the courage to confront Caspian. But that did not mean that she was helpless. This was her home, her life, and she needed to act like it.
So, a minute later, she walked into the drawing room.
A fire burned hot and menacing in the main hearth, but the room was empty.
Using the flames’ orange light, she quickly crossed to the correspondence desk where Mrs. Robertson was known to leave the daily mail for Caspian to read.
There, a pile of letters was stacked, and with trembling hands, Arabella began to sort through them.
What are you doing, Arabella! If Caspian finds out…
But he would not find out. As she searched through the letters, she tried her best to deduce which ones were common fair and which were invitations. Her father had said that various lords would be writing to Caspian soon, and she had no doubt that such letters would be found in that pile.
As to her plan? It was rather simple. She would take those letters. She would burn them. And in so doing, Caspian would never know of her father’s machinations, and Arabella would be free of having betrayed him.
It was because she was so focused on those letters that she was not paying attention to her surroundings, which was why she did not hear the approaching footsteps until they were in the room with her.
“What are you doing?”
Arabella froze. With both hands sifting through the letters and her back to the doorway, she stood so still that it almost seemed as if she was hoping it was someone else he was speaking to. The flames flickered across the room. Her heart pounded. And her blood went cold with fear.
“Arabella.” Footsteps coming toward her. “What are you doing?”
Arabella’s mind raced as she searched for answers. Anything! Something that she could say to explain what she was doing. She had no doubt that Caspian would be furious at her, and she was desperate to come up with some explanation that might ease that fury.
“I was just…” She swallowed and gently set the letters down. “This is not what it…” Then she turned around.
As said, she was braced for his anger. When she turned, she found his eyes, looking for the fire that surely burned behind them.
She knew her husband well enough to know that he was a man who liked control and who did not like things changing around him.
Her being there would be enough to set him off without a doubt.
Surprisingly, when she found those eyes, she did not see any sense of fury. There was no glare, no scowl, and no look of warning. Rather, he looked confused, almost concerned, as if he had done something wrong that he needed to apologize for.
Not what I expected at all.
“Are you looking for something?” He stopped several feet away from her. But he did not stand tall, and he did not look as if he meant to intimidate.
“I… I…” The urge to lie could not be found. If she were scared, that might not be the case, and if she thought he would be angry, it certainly would not be. But as she looked at Caspian, she realized that he was not what she had expected.
And it was because of that startling realization that the words came before Arabella could stop them.
“I need to tell you something,” she began, looking away with shame. “I ought to have done days ago, but I did not know… I was scared of what you might say.”
“Is something the matter?” It sounded genuine, as if he truly cared.
“It is my father.” She forced herself to look up, wanting him to see how sorry she was. While she hated being so weak and helpless, for some reason, it did not feel nearly as bad when Caspian was involved. “He came to me a few days… He threatened me. He threatened you.”
“What?” His jaw clenched.
“He told me that in a few days, you would be receiving invitations to various gambling tables and events. That lords you knew would be asking you to join them.” Her stare was pitiful and pleading.
“And where he did not say it specifically, I think he means for you to lose. My feeling is that these lords, whoever they are, might owe him favors, and if you owe them money, then he will own you…” She winced and shied away.
“I am so sorry, Caspian. I should have told you sooner.”
Caspian did not speak at first.
With her head still bowed, she felt him watching her. No doubt this news infuriated him, and no doubt he would let her know it. While she was not responsible, she should have said something to him earlier, and that she did not… He is right to be angry with me.
“Arabella,” he sighed, his voice soft. “There is no need to be so frightened.”
She started. “I… I am not…”
“You are,” he said, his voice soft, his expression sad. “And that you are… That you think that is a natural reaction necessary toward me… You have no idea how much this upsets me.”
“It does?” She watched him closely, and she could not deny how ashamed he appeared. Stranger still, it made her feel awful, as if she was wrong to have felt that way.
“Are you scared of me, Arabella?” he asked.
“I…” She considered the question. “No, I am not.” Slowly, she drew herself up and looked right at him. The fear was gone, and she wanted him to know that she was telling him the truth. “I do not fear you, Caspian. But I did the wrong thing, and you are right to be upset with me.”
“Your father is who I am upset with,” he said. “And that is something I will deal with later. But that you could not come to me with this…” He shook his head to himself. “That is a problem I must deal with now.”
“Oh…” She swallowed. “What do you mean?”
Caspian looked at her for a moment, but it was more like he was staring through her, his mind elsewhere. His brow furrowed, and he stayed silent as shadows flickered behind his eyes, wrestling with thoughts she could not understand.
And then, without a word, he turned and strode across the room toward the door. When he reached it, he shut it, trapping them both inside. Alone.
Arabella’s eyes widened, and her heart leaped through her throat. Whatever it was that he was about to say and do, she had the distinct impression that it might change this marriage once and for all. And while she knew what she wanted, did Caspian? And would he admit it?
She eyed the closed door. She then looked at her husband and how serious he had become. Whatever this was, she knew it would change everything.