Chapter 21 #2
She swallowed, and her heart began to race.
“It is confusing,” she admitted. “Because you are right. I want to be my own person, Caspian. But there are times when…” She swallowed again. “When the thought of you taking control is not the worst of things.”
“Very confusing,” he purred.
“I admit that I do not understand it,” she said, her body trembling at the realization of where this conversation was leading. “But perhaps together we could…” She swallowed again. “We could find the answer?”
He chuckled deeply. “I feel the same way. I do not want to be someone who controls you; however, there are times when I want nothing more. When you…” He groaned. “When you force such feelings in me. It is as if you want me to take control of you.”
“Sometimes I do.”
“And how will I know when those times are?”
“I do not think it is about control,” she said carefully as she slowly came to realize what it was that she wanted.
“It is about being there for me. My father controlled me because it made him feel powerful. But you protect me, Caspian, not for your own sake, but for mine. I want you to be there for me, as a husband should be.”
“You want me?” he said the words in a whisper. “You want to be mine? Say it.”
She gasped. “I do. Completely and utterly.”
It was confusing, Arabella knew.
On one hand, she wanted her freedom and her own life, but on the other, the thought of her husband doing whatever he wanted to her was something that stirred strange feelings inside her.
She remembered the ball when he had stepped in to protect her, declaring to everyone that she was his.
Such an action should have made her angry, that belief that she did not need such a display.
There had to be a balance, Arabella decided. To be her own woman, while also wanting a husband willing to protect her and show her just how much she meant to him.
Is that not what a marriage is?
“The urge to ask what you desire…” With his other hand, Caspian took her under the chin, keeping her eyes on him. His touch was soft but powerful so that even if she wanted to pull away, she would not have been able to. “It battles against my own to show you what I know that you want.”
“You think that you know what I want?” she asked as her skin prickled from his touch. “Do you believe that you know me that well?”
“I do,” he growled.
“Then tell me,” she said. “Take control because I am sick of waiting, not knowing what you or I want. Show me.”
He clenched his jaw as if her words physically affected him; as if he fought against them. “You are mine,” he said through his clenched teeth. “It is time I make it so.”
She saw the fire light behind his eyes at those words. She saw the want and the desire burn through him. One hand held her right hand, the other was under her chin, and he licked his lips as he closed the small gap between them.
Finally, it looked as if Caspian was willing to admit what he wanted. As for what that was? Me. He wants me…
The kiss that came upon Arabella was expected, but it did not diminish its power. It was full and intense. It was heated and passionate. It was hungry, as if Caspian was on the verge of death before their lips touched. Really, it was everything that Arabella wanted and more.
She accepted the kiss without question.
Caspian released her hands, then took her by the waist and pulled her into him. Her hands grabbed his face, holding on as if he might never stop. Their mouths parted, their tongues started to dance, and they tasted each other without any hint of it ending.
Arabella felt that kiss throughout her body. She wanted this, she realized. For days now, she had denied such feelings; she had refused them, but only because she thought she had to. But that kiss, how clear it was that Caspian wanted it as much as she did, did away with those doubts.
“Arabella…” he moaned between each kiss. “I should never have…”
“I know,” she moaned back as she pawed at the back of his head and face.
“For so long…” He started down her neck. “I want you.”
“I know that you do…” She leaned back, closed her eyes, and let him ravish her with his lips. “And you have me.”
“Not yet,” he moaned. “But soon, I will.”
They kissed for several more seconds. Lips on lips. Lips on her face. Lips down her neck and then back to her mouth. He was an animal, hungry, devouring her piece by piece.
Suddenly, Caspian’s hands lifted her. She yelped, and her legs wrapped around his waist. He chuckled as his hands squeezed her buttocks before he carried her back and sat her on top of the correspondence desk. He brushed away the envelopes and letters, chuckling further as he did.
Her legs went to wrap around his waist, to hold him close as she so desperately wanted, but he pulled away.
Her eyes widened, and she leaned back, worried for a moment that he meant to stop.
Only, when she found his eyes, when she saw the look he held her in, she knew that was the opposite of his intentions.
A shudder ran up her spine. It felt like fear, at first, but she knew it was something else. Excitement, a sense of the unknown, paired with a newfound trust that she had for him. Whatever it was that he intended, she knew it was something she would want.
I need to trust him… I need to show him that I do.
“What are you…” Her voice cracked.
“I made a mistake the other night,” he growled. “One I will not make again.”
Her heart rose through her throat, and she felt a wetness grow between her thighs. On instinct, not knowing if it was right, she slowly opened her legs as if inviting him.