Chapter 21
Dominic reached for Verity, made a angel by the golden glow of the fire, without thinking. Seeing her cry unfurled something within his chest. Tight and loose and needing to protect her, he had to help.
The pillows littered about the ground were out of the way. It allowed him to close the distance between them. Knees brushed as he gently took her face in both hands.
“I’m sorry,” Verity whispered through stuttering breaths. “Perhaps I, I drank too much.”
The punch at the ball was much too watered down, but she’d enjoyed her glass of brandy quickly. Yet he didn’t smell the alcohol on her words when she talked to him.
“You don’t need to be ashamed of your tears,” he murmured.
She was warm to the touch. The world disappeared as he used his thumbs to delicately wipe away the tears from her cheeks.
He had little experience in touching others like this and found himself determined to do this right.
His hands swallowed much of her fine features and then, even as the tears stopped coming, he found himself holding her.
How close they were. He didn’t think he was breathing any longer. Unable to look away, Dominic studied his wife with more care than he’d ever given another soul.
He had felt compassion before, but something about seeing Verity now drew something stronger through his insides.
Strength reverberated through his soul as he sought to protect her.
The energy through him surged. It started deep in his stomach, rising through his ribs and tingling the back of his spine.
The thoughts in his mind softened into sensations. The warm fire, the coolness of her tears wet on his fingers, and the quiet and uneven breaths Verity made while she struggled to pull herself together. She’d closed her eyes when she teared up and had yet to look back at him.
Maybe that made this moment easier.
Ladies and their tears have never stirred me before now, but Verity… If only I could keep her tears from falling ever again.
Dominic stopped thinking as he leaned forward. The gesture was more innate than conscious.
His lips brushed her forehead tenderly, just a whisper of a touch. Just enough to sense her. From her brow he dipped down to her cheek where he could taste the sweet salt of her tears.
And then so very close were her lips. He found himself drawing closer there, and pausing.
His first conscious thought returned.
Dare I?
Though Dominic waited for Verity to move, to react, to tell him she didn’t want this, she didn’t. Her breathing remained short and she kept her eyes closed. But he could tell she was there, listening. Waiting. Wondering.
As he dropped his gaze to consider her lips, Dominic considered what it might be like to kiss her.
Then he recalled the question Cassian had asked him this evening only hours prior. It was a lifetime ago. But return it did, haunting and chilling him from the inside out.
“Do you love her?”
It wasn’t a fair question because there couldn’t be a fair answer. Love wasn’t something real. He had seen this repeatedly through his lifetime. Fondness and respect could take place in a marriage for some, and he looked for that here, but nothing else.
He didn’t want to increase the list of lies in this marriage, and knew he had to pull back. There was a twinge of regret he needed to push down first.
“Dominic?” Came a whisper from Verity as she opened her wide hazel eyes to look at him. There were questions shining in those glints of gold, waiting for him to explain himself.
Whatever moment might have existed now fell apart.
He drew back. When he dropped his hands, she hiccupped with surprised eyes. There was an awkwardness that settled in the quiet between them that almost made him wince.
“I shouldn’t…” Dominic started. Turning his gaze away, he rose to his feet.
“Verity…” He stood and eyed the mess of pillows.
The sight of his wife left behind there, slouched with her wide eyes following him.
He couldn’t offer her strength when he was weak.
Regret clenched inside his gut as he offered a partial bow. “Good night.”
“You’re leaving me?”
There was no way to answer that question. And yet it haunted him as he left her.
He strode from the library as quickly as he could without running. Shame followed in his wake. He could feel Verity’s eyes on him all the while, confused and hurt without understanding.
The shame was better than giving her less than she deserved. It would be his shame and not hers to bear.
A little hurt now will save her in the long run should she ever dream of love here. I can offer her the money, the houses, and the horses. But I have no heart to offer her and I will not be so cruel as to create false hope. She is strong and will realize in time this is for the best.
Dominic called forth his valet who spoke little between his yawns. Dawn was fast approaching. He eventually collapsed into his bed only to stare at his canopy with eyes refusing to stay shut.
His mind was too active. He looked for cobwebs in the corners as he sorted through the past to the future.
Love. What was it really? It didn’t seem likely to exist for all the talk that writers and poets made of the concept.
All his childhood provided him were scars and the ability to jump at shadows; that had not done well for him in school until his growth spurt took place.
But any friends he had through the years didn’t particularly provide any other forms of love either.
Even if I could believe in love, I cannot offer it to Verity. Not when I know the truth about her uncle.
“He wasn’t what you thought,” Dominic murmured into the quiet night, trying to imagine telling Verity the truth. He sat up with a groan while the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes. “He was a scoundrel, a cheat, a… You could have… What the devil am I doing?”
If only he had thought to change the subject. Redirect her from it before he could watch her cry over the very man he’d seen fall to his death.
“It was an accident,” Cassian said. Would always say.
But did it matter? Dominic mused for a minute imaging just what would happen should he announce the truth of the incident, to tell someone.
It would be an avalanche of harm. Everyone would be hurt now. He would be called into question for not announcing it earlier, Cassian could be arrested, and his entire family would…
Would they even believe me? If Cassian admitted it, what would they do? What would Verity think?
Falling back into bed with a heavy groan, Dominic threw a pillow over his face. Darkness greeted him. He breathed into the pillow. His valet had anointed it with a lavender scent, calming the beating of his heart.
The secrets needed to remain secret. He knew this. It was a secret he would have to take to his grave now.
And carrying a secret like this left him in no position for a family, a wife, or love. Dominic gathered his resolve. A moment of weakness in a lady would not do him in. He would keep her safe as she deserved, to ensure she had the best life possible as his duchess––while keeping her at a distance.
I already knew I would never have all that I wanted in this world. To dream of wanting her would be futile. I have no right.
He repeated the words over and over until they echoed in the corners of his mind. They were so loud that he didn’t remember ever falling asleep.