Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Lydia had not stopped weeping all night.
Her throat was raw and her eyes were rimmed red.
Her chest hurt from the sharp, jagged breaths that called forth such sorrow, but all of this was nothing compared to the pain within her soul.
The fear, dread, and horror of knowing that all her hopes had been turned to ash.
“Do things look any brighter this morning?” Edmund said.
Lydia glared at him.
“I don’t believe so,” Rose said, sharing Lydia’s look.
“Perhaps the whole thing will breeze by. It might be that Nightford takes the blame for this, and your presence becomes an incidental detail,” Edmund offered.
“I don’t think that will be the case. I was holding the baby. What other conclusion will others draw? Even if the truth does come out, it won’t make a difference. I will always be the woman who was found in a Duke’s bedchamber with an illegitimate baby in her arms,” Lydia said.
The words lingered in the air. Neither Rose nor Edmund could offer a suitable reply.
They continued eating breakfast. Lydia did not have much of an appetite, but she chewed on some toast absently, still thinking about the previous night and how unpleasant matters could have been avoided if the conversation with the Duke had gone differently.
“The silly thing is that I can’t stop thinking about that baby.
I have no idea of its name, but I don’t think the Duke of Nightford has a nurturing presence,” Lydia said, her thoughts turning to that helpless and vulnerable bundle of life.
The baby who didn’t understand a thing, who could only feel instincts yet, for a time, felt soothed in Lydia’s arms.
“He’ll probably have it adopted or sent to live with a relative,” Edmund said without thinking. Rose pinched his arm, and Edmund winced with pain.
“The child shouldn’t be treated as a nuisance. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He was already unwanted by his mother, I assume, and now, he will be unwanted again. It’s wrong,” Lydia argued.
“I agree, but speaking pragmatically, there is nothing to be done. It is not your problem any longer, and if you try to interfere, you will only add fuel to the speculation,” Rose said.
Lydia sighed. It seemed as though she and the baby were both going to suffer.
There was a commotion at the door. Charlotte called out to them before bustling in with her son, Matthew.
He ran towards Lydia, who picked him up and kissed him on both cheeks.
She sat him upon her lap, and he started to pick at the food she had not been able to eat.
Charlotte came over and hugged Lydia tightly, offering her a sympathetic look.
“I’m so sorry to hear what happened,” she said. A messenger had been sent to Charlotte early in the morning.
“Thank you, Charlotte. I do not suppose you have any advice?”
Charlotte considered the matter for a moment. She then put her hand on Lydia’s shoulder and looked Lydia directly in the eye.
“Stay strong. Don’t let anyone realize that you are affected by this. You know the truth, and that is all that matters. You still have your family. We will stand by you no matter what happens.”
Lydia offered a wan smile although it did not reassure her completely. There was nothing but gloom on the horizon.
“I shall have to focus on being a good aunt,” she said quietly, coming to the conclusion that she would never have a child of her own.
“I do hate to see you like this, Lydia. Please, we must try to remain optimistic. I have dealt with my share of rumors in my time, and eventually people forget. We must just hope this all blows over,” Edmund suggested.
The three women looked at him with the shared knowledge that men had it easier than women. Edmund glanced down at his plate and decided to keep quiet.
“So do you have any idea if it was truly the Duke’s baby?” Charlotte asked.
“He denied it about as vehemently as I did although I cannot understand why the child would be placed upon his bed if it were not his. I’m sure he will continue to deny the baby, and the parentage will remain unknown,” Lydia said.
“What a strange occurrence,” Charlotte replied.
Lydia tired quickly of speaking about this matter and tried to move the conversation onto different topics.
Charlotte spoke of Nathaniel and how things were progressing in her own household, and for a time, it almost seemed like a normal morning.
However, in the back of Lydia’s mind there was a rankling feeling as though something was not quite right, and she wondered if this would be with her for the near future.
Sometime later, noise from elsewhere in the house could be heard. Agatha came storming into the room. After social events, she often rose late, stating that it was her right to miss the morning if she chose. Today, she held a newspaper in her hand, and there was a solemn look on her face.
“I’m afraid that news has spread fast,” she said.
Lydia picked up the paper with trembling hands and then dropped it almost as quickly, as though it was made of fire. A small sob escaped from her parted lips. Edmund, Rose, and Charlotte all craned over the newspaper which spoke of an affair between Lydia and the Duke of Nightford.
Lydia wished the ground would swallow her up.
“There’s never been an innocent woman the ton hasn’t liked to sink its teeth into it.
It builds us up and then tears us down at the first opportunity.
I cannot believe that they’re allowed to get away with this,” Agatha said, shaking her head.
She stood behind Lydia, placing soft fingers upon Lydia’s shoulder.
“Is that a good point? Can they get away with this? Might we be able to take legal action against the gossip columnists for spreading rumors?” Rose asked.
Charlotte and Edmund shook their heads.
“Unfortunately, they write things in such a way to offer plausible deniability. They suggest and imply and speak of possibilities. It’s very clever in a way,” Charlotte said.
Then, she glanced at Lydia’s despondent expression and hurriedly corrected herself.
“Although it should not be condoned at all, and I wish people could be harder on them. But the other problem is that the more we challenge it, the more publicity the story gets.”
“Although if we don’t say anything against it, then people will assume it to be true,” Edmund replied.
“I never even met him before last night. How can they say such horrid things? It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything wrong, and my life is in ruins, all because I tried to help a baby in distress,” Lydia said.
“I know, sometimes the world can be cruel, but we must keep moving forward because it’s not going to stand still for any of us,” Agatha said.
“How am I supposed to move forward, Grandmother? There is no moving forward for me at all. I am stagnant. I will be this way forever. Alone,” she said, crestfallen.
There would be no shared memories, no happy laughter, no intimacy.
She would not be able to speak about romantic dates with Rose and Charlotte, comparing how their partners had wooed them.
Nor would she feel the thrill of being courted or have her eyes sparkle as a proposal was offered.
She would never be able to look as beautiful as Rose or Charlotte on their wedding day and feel as though the entire world belonged to her.
“Perhaps I should go and stay with Mary and Alfred. They do enjoy a quiet life, and Mary would keep me sheltered,” she added despondently, for she did not want to retreat to her cousin and husband although they would be happy to have her.
“There is another way. Have you spoken to her about my suggestion yet, Edmund?” Agatha said. Lydia’s ears pricked up as she looked at her brother. Edmund laid his palms flat against the table and arched his eyebrows, looking pained.
“Ah… not yet, Grandmother.”
“What suggestion?” Lydia asked.
“Grandmother and I were talking last night about the… situation,” Edmund said.
“I know it’s difficult for you, but I also know that there are certain things you want out of life, and I would like to give you opportunities that are at least close to that,” he said.
Agatha was giving him an encouraging look while the others gazed at him intently, eager to see what he had in mind.
He spoke slowly, as though he was bracing himself for her reaction.
This did not fill Lydia with confidence.
“Grandmother and I both agree that you bear no fault in this, Lydia, and it is unfair that you should have to suffer the consequences. The fault lies with the Duke of Nightford, and if he has any honor then… then he should propose. And we believe it is for the best that he does so. If an offer for your hand is not forthcoming, then I shall make him bear the responsibility,” Edmund explainedsaid.
Lydia felt dread crawling through her, pooling in the pit of her stomach. Her throat became tight, and she was cold all over.
“But I don’t want to marry him,” she whispered.
“I understand that it might seem to go against your wishes, but when we look at the situation as a whole, it might be the best way forward. He surely cannot refuse to marry you, and as you point out, it might be… difficult for you to get a husband by other means. At least this way you would have companionship and support.”
Lydia was numb. She could not bring herself to speak as the others discussed the matter around the table.
“It’s not desirable, but perhaps you would grow to like him. Nathaniel and I did not get off to a good start,” Charlotte pointed out.
“And I thought Edmund was insufferable,” Rose added.
“I think you were simply confused. The attraction was so overwhelming that you were not quite sure what you were feeling,” Edmund said.
“Some marriages are borne of practical means, my dear. We have to move with the flow of life, not fight it. There is an opportunity here for you to become a duchess and gain stability in life. It is not something that should be readily dismissed,” Agatha said.