Chapter 6 #2
These words and more swirled around Lydia in a dizzying haze.
It felt as though she was caught in the eye of a storm, and the elements were twisting and writhing around her, darkening the horizon.
They each had their opinion to share, but Lydia already knew how she felt.
She had known what she wanted since she was nine years old.
“I am not dismissing it readily. I have thought about this for years. I know what I want and what I do not want. I most decidedly do not want to marry him. The Duke of Nightford is a stranger, and all I know of him is that he is judgmental, accusatory, and does not know how to comfort a baby. A life spent with a man who has no feelings would be worse than being unmarried.”
Lydia lifted Matthew from her lap and placed him on the ground. He waddled over to his mother. She rose from her chair and rested her hands on the table.
“But you are right, Grandmother. We must flow with life, and it is clear that God is trying to send me a message. All I ever wanted was to find true love, but that can never happen now. My name will forever be associated with this scandal, and so I should not pursue the impossible. Instead, I shall heed my calling to God and become a nun. At least my heart will not be empty. I shall devote myself to Him. Perhaps that is the only fate that matters.”
There was much consternation around the table as everyone tried to speak at once. Charlotte’s was the loudest voice in the room and managed to fight away everyone else to capture Lydia’s attention.
“But you will not be able to see us as often as you would if you remained here, and going to a nunnery would be closing the door to every opportunity,” Charlotte said.
“Moreover, I doubt the sisters at the convent would let you read the books you like,” Rose added.
“Lydia, please do not speak hastily. I know this seems like a rash decision, but if you marry the Duke, then the scandal will be avoided,” Edmund said.
“But I would still be married to a man I do not love.”
Edmund hung his head, so Lydia continued, “You promised that you would not force me into anything, Edmund.”
Her brother clasped his hands in front of him. “Lydia, I know I said that, but I have to protect you as well. I didn’t believe that something like this would happen. I know it’s not what you want, but it might be what you need.”
Lydia shook her head and held out her hands.
“I don’t need to be told what to do. I am not a child.
I have known for many years what I wish the shape of my life to be, and while it will never be like that, I do not want to be condemned to following a path that is abhorrent.
If I cannot be married to a man I love, then I shall become married to God.
I’m sure I can derive a great deal of meaning from that life. ”
The family discussed the situation loudly, so loudly in fact that they almost didn’t hear the butler enter the room. He cleared his throat once, then twice, and the third time it sounded as though he were choking. One by one, attention turned towards him.
Lydia was glad for the respite as she no longer wished to speak about this subject. She had made up her mind, and that was that. She would become a nun, and nothing was going to stop her.
“His Grace, the Duke of Nightford has arrived,” the butler said and gestured with his hand to the hallway. The Duke strode forward, pulling gloves off his fingers. He wore a cloak that billowed around him, and there was something strangely captivating about him.
Lydia stared at him even though she would’ve preferred to keep her gaze as far away from him as possible.
Heat rose to her cheeks as she remembered how close they had been standing in his chambers, how their arms had touched as they both tried to calm the baby.
In that moment, she had been too focused on the child to think about her own feelings, but now that she saw the Duke of Nightford again, she was flooded with wild emotions that confused her.
“Your Grace, it’s wonderful to see you again. Please, come in and sit down,” Agatha said, pulling out a chair graciously. Edmund rose and shook Victor’s hand. Charlotte and Rose watched carefully and expectantly.
Lydia was so shocked that her feet were rooted to the floor, and even though she was aware of the exit, she could not move towards it.
“That will not be necessary. I prefer to stand, even if we have much to discuss. I hope it will not take too much time,” he said, his voice deep and rumbling like thunder.
It made Lydia’s stomach shiver, and her knees went weak.
She could not understand if she was frightened by him or if there was something else occupying her mind, something that was far more troubling.
“Of course. I’m glad you are here. I was planning to arrange a meeting. This is a most difficult situation as I’m sure you agree,” Edmund said.
“Indeed it is. I have been thinking about it through the night, and I feel that there is only one thing to do. I have come to offer for Lady Lydia Hartley.”
Lydia’s heart dropped.