Chapter Seventeen #4
He tried to smile, but his earlier amusement had fled, leaving in its wake the realisation that he wanted Grace to find something attractive about him.
While he wasn’t expecting them to waltz off into the future together, he would have liked some indication that the admiration he had for her was in some way reciprocated.
Grace may say that she was against marriage to him and that she never intended to enter into the state again, but she was still young.
There probably would be a man out there, one who was exciting and dashing, who would change her mind.
‘Would you have preferred me to call you a piratical rake?’
Trust Grace to get to the heart of the matter. ‘Possibly,’ he admitted.
‘Men,’ she said, rolling her eyes and looking away from him. ‘I will never understand the way your mind works. I would not like you half as much if you were such a person and not the man that you are.’
His heart took flight and he realised that something very dangerous was happening to him, something he should walk away from, but which he seemed powerless to resist. ‘You have not given me a great deal of indication that you like me all that much.’
‘I came along to protect you against that intruder, did I not?’ Her smile was back and he was glad she had moved on.
‘Ah yes, your help was invaluable. If it was not for the brave way you fought him off, I would undoubtedly not have seen another day.’
She nudged him with her shoulder, and he laughed.
‘Coming with you has to count for something,’ she said.
‘You have said something similar to me before.’ When she had tried to help him out of the Serpentine. ‘What I want to know is, who is counting? And what are they counting? But yes, you have now saved my life twice. Or at least attempted to.’
‘It is all in the thought,’ she said. Her hands went back to sweeping over the grass in front of her. ‘I suppose you were a fine specimen of manhood while dealing with the intruder. Very commanding. Does that make you feel better?’
It was his turn to roll his eyes. ‘I do not believe I was fishing for compliments. I was merely pointing out that my father would have preferred Sebastian as his heir. Not that he would ever have been so impolite as to say so. Manners and a particular way of speaking were very important to him.’
She hummed, but the noise did not seem happy. Inadvertently, he had made her sad again.
‘What does that mean?’
‘I suppose etiquette should prevent me from saying, but as you said you want my bluntness, I am going to carry on. You are painting a picture of a situation where a young man, a boy really, is facing tremendous pressure to live up to ideals created by his father and is expected to speak in a certain way. It goes back to my theory that when you think people want you to say something, it makes it harder for you.’
He had never thought of it that way before, had never realised there was a pattern to the way his words became locked inside him.
Tobias had never considered that the words getting stuck in his brain might have a reason.
That perhaps, if he could find a way to work around the blockage, there might be a way to stop it from happening.
Grace’s idea had merit. Speech was harder when there was an expectation, not impossible, at least not most of the time, but very difficult.
Yet, sitting here, in this mildly uncomfortable spot, there was nothing hindering him at all.
‘When we met, you had no problem being furious with me and when you were holding that man to the floor, in a very spirited way I should add, you had no problem speaking.’
‘In order for me to speak freely, my life must be at threat. I must say, I do not relish the idea.’ His response to her was flippant, but not because he did not think she had a point. It would require more thought, but he would like to do it when the scent of her perfume was not addling his brain.
‘Look,’ she said, reaching out and grasping his forearm. ‘There it is. Oh dear, the poor thing. Why is it not flying away?’
A tiny bird, no bigger than the palm of his hand, hopped out from its hiding place.
‘What is it?’ she whispered.
‘A sparrow, I think.’ He didn’t like to admit that he knew little about wildlife. Spending most of his time on reports meant that he was not often outdoors.
‘I thought as much.’ From her tone, he guessed that she didn’t know either.
The only think Tobias was certain of was that if a bird didn’t fly away, then it was probably not long for the world. From the way Grace was looking at the animal, he did not think she wanted to hear this.
‘I think it is time for dinner,’ he said.
‘Oh no, we cannot leave him out here alone.’ She made to move towards the bird, but it hopped away, sheltering under the leaves once more.
‘I think he may prefer that to being with humans,’ said Tobias. Getting to his feet, he held out his hand for Grace to take.
‘I do not know…’ she said, keeping her gaze fixed on where they had last seen the bird, but absent-mindedly taking Tobias’ hand.
Neither of them was wearing gloves and sparks rushed up his arm from where their skin touched, but if she was experiencing anything of the same, she was doing an excellent performance of someone who wasn’t.
‘I do not want to leave it to the mercy of the elements; anything might happen to it.’
‘I think we should leave it to nature to decide,’ he said softly. ‘It will be kinder.’
Grace was still holding his hand, and he was no longer sure if he was talking about the bird.