Chapter Twenty #3
‘Do you know, I still have not received any of the fruit cake I was promised for keeping the other secrets. You are in considerable debt.’ It was better when they were like this, the gentle teasing. It meant she didn’t have to think about what she needed to tell him.
‘It is good to know that you are keeping track of all the things you are blackmailing me about.’ Straightening, he moved to open the door. ‘Shall we take Daisy out for a walk?’
‘Will Montagu mind?’
‘They can bear to be separated for short periods.’ The hinges creaked as he pulled the door open. ‘Do not be alarmed that she is already saddled. I thought it best to be prepared in the event that you conquered your fear, but there is no need for you to get on her if you would rather not.’
Without having to be prompted, Daisy moved out of her stall and stood waiting for them to lead her wherever they wanted.
Next to her, Daisy didn’t seem at all frightening to Grace.
She was not big for a horse, not even towering over Grace, who was used to being shorter than everyone around her.
Montagu snorted and kicked at his door as his beloved walked past, but Tobias didn’t stop.
Outside, dawn was over and the sun was climbing higher in the sky, the heat rising alongside it.
Tobias led her and Daisy over to a training yard and let them all into the enclosure.
Grace hadn’t been to this part of the grounds before, but she suspected it was normally busier than this and that Tobias had sent the staff away, yet another thing which would add to the rumours about them.
Tobias might not care now, but he probably would later.
‘Here,’ said Tobias, handing her the reins. ‘You can lead her around in a circle. She is used to doing this and will happily follow you.’
‘This does not count as riding,’ Grace said as they started the slow walk, Tobias next to her, their shoulders occasionally bumping into one another.
‘You are getting used to one another. It is important that you are not afraid when you eventually sit on her. Animals can sense fear in others and it can impact their own behaviour.’
They completed one lap and Grace decided that Daisy was not so bad after all. The way she placidly followed her was rather soothing.
‘Was there a reason you did not learn to ride as a child?’ asked Tobias as they began their second lap.
‘There was no specific reason but… everything my parents did for my sister and me as children was to improve our chances of an excellent marriage. Riding was not considered to be as important as proper deportment and excelling at needlework. Purchasing horses for us to learn and use would have been seen as a waste of resources.’
Tobias’ dark hair fell across his forehead; he pushed it away absent-mindedly. ‘How about when you were married? Did your husband not provide you with a horse of your own?’
Grace tried to imagine Ichabod considering her needs above his own, and failed.
In the long years of her marriage, before Clare had married Sebastian and things had become easier, she had not often left the gilded cage of her husband’s home.
‘It suited my husband that I could not ride. I suppose he realised that not having my own means of transportation meant that I could not easily escape from him.’
Daisy tossed her head, agitated, and Grace stumbled back a few steps.
‘Loosen your grip a little,’ said Tobias softly.
Grace unclenched her fist, unaware that she had been curling it tightly. The reins became loose in her fingers and Daisy settled once more.
‘Did you often want to escape?’ Tobias asked, as they began yet another lap.
‘Yes. Often. Daily, really, or perhaps even as far as hourly. Ichabod was a controlling man who agreed with my parents on almost everything. At least until the end.’
‘The end?’
Grace paused. She realised that Tobias had slowly been leading her to this point, where she told him her deepest, darkest secret. There was no sense in pulling back now.
‘Ichabod was the oldest son of a very well-connected family. He’d been brought up to believe he did not have to work hard and that people should give him what he wanted, as soon as he requested it.
’ The irony was not lost on Grace that Tobias was also an oldest son and by far and away more well-connected than Ichabod could ever have dreamed of.
Of the two men, Tobias should be the one with the sense of entitlement, and yet he was the opposite of Ichabod in every way.
‘He sounds like a prize coxcomb.’
‘Hearing you call him that would have enraged him. He thought himself a swell of the first stare. The first few months of my marriage were fine, but it gradually deteriorated. I will not go into all the details, but by the time Clare met Sebastian, I was little more than a caged animal. He had control over what I wore, saw and did. Then Clare met Sebastian and I knew what it was to hope. I think I mentioned to you before that my parents, and Ichabod, initially wanted to keep him on their side. Both Ichabod and my parents respected his decree that I should visit with Clare often. I believe they thought his wealth was finally their ticket to the life they wanted.’
Tobias grunted, but whether he was angered by what he heard, it was impossible to say.
He may equally have been bored. The soft floor of the training yard scuffed under their feet and a heavy weight settled in Grace’s stomach because she was nearing the end of her tale and things only got worse from here.
‘When it was clear Sebastian was not a man to be manipulated, they turned on him. Ichabod was particularly angry. He resented Sebastian being everything that he wanted to be: handsome, wealthy and refined. Ichabod drank a lot at social gatherings and one could guarantee to find him in the gaming rooms. But those two things got worse over time and soon we found ourselves in debt. Sebastian helped him out a few times, more for my sake than for Ichabod’s, but once I started living with him and Clare, Sebastian cut Ichabod off, refusing him money or to help him out of his numerous scrapes.
Ichabod thought Sebastian might come round eventually, but it gradually became clear, even to Ichabod, that he would not. ’
‘I assume Ichabod was not happy about this.’
It was strange talking about her late husband with this man on a sunny day in southern England. Her years with that man were so far removed from the reality she was now in for it to seem like it had all been a vile nightmare.
‘Ichabod was furious, always going on about how it was unfair that Sebastian had been born into money, apparently forgetting that he had been too and that he had spent many years squandering it while Sebastian had increased his through hard work. My parents agreed with him that Sebastian should be supporting his lifestyle, even when his behaviour became increasingly erratic. I found that odd at the time, but maybe,’ she said, finally coming close to the confession that needed to be made, ‘they were already hoping Ichabod’s anger would work in their favour. ’
Tobias slowed to a stop. She turned to face him. The sun was throwing shadows across his face, making his expression hard to read. Behind her, Daisy stopped too, her large body gently bumping against Grace’s back.
‘There’s no easy way to say this, so I will just…
’ She waved her free hand around in front of her, almost hoping she could catch the words she needed on the summer’s breeze.
‘I think I told you before that, at first, I thought Clare’s and Sebastian’s deaths were part of a terrible accident.
It was only when I realised my parents were manipulating their hold over Charlotte that I decided to remove her from their care.
I knew that Sebastian wanted you to raise her and I did what I did, but that was not because I thought any member of my family, Ichabod included, was dangerous. ’
‘What you did was very brave.’ Tobias’ voice was deep and firm, utterly certain as he had been every time he had said it.
She laughed, but there was no humour in it.
‘If you had seen me, you would not be effusive in your praise. I was terrified the whole time.’ She would not speak of the journey to New York.
The gut-churning terror, the hiding in wagons, the people who had taken care of her and received nothing but her thanks in return.
Those days were over and she did not want to revisit them.
‘I met Sarah, my lady’s maid, in New York.
She was running away from a violent spouse, but unlike me she didn’t have the means to travel.
I paid her as a companion and we have been together ever since. ’
Her mouth was dry, but swallowing did not help.
‘We set sail under fake names. Sebastian had already put together the paperwork, obviously realising, before I did, the threat my family posed. I took Charlotte to the lawyer, who delivered her to you. Sarah followed their carriage to Glanmore House to make sure that you took her in. I did not think I would be able to witness her being handed over to another family and not break utterly. When it was clear you had not rejected her, Sarah and I returned to New York. I needed to collect the belongings that I gave to you, but I also needed the money Sebastian had put aside for me. And I wanted to put my parents off the track. I wanted them to think Charlotte and I had moved inland, towards Pennsylvania. I thought that they would spend time and money searching for us in America and not think to travel to England. I did not want to go back. It broke my heart to leave Charlotte, not knowing if I would ever see her again, but I had to leave.’ The journey back had been miserable, but she did not dwell on it, because those long weeks were not part of the story.
‘It was not long after I arrived back in New York that Ichabod found me.’
She shuddered, remembering the press of his fingers around her arm, his voice snarling in her ear.