Chapter Twenty #2
‘I cannot control what people think, and I would not want to even if I could. Trying to stop people speculating about me would be impossible.’ How different he was from Ichabod, and her parents, all three of whom had wanted to manage every aspect of Grace’s life, including what she thought about. ‘Shall we not worry about it?’
‘Just like that?’
That lovely half-smile was back. ‘Just like that,’ he confirmed.
‘Very well,’ she said, although she would definitely be thinking about the rumours far too much later on. It would be impossible not to. It was one thing for his family to tease her about it, but quite another for it to be the subject of the servants’ gossip.
‘Why not come in and meet Daisy? You can tell me the awful secret about yourself while we do so. I think it will make you feel better to tell me. Or you can put it off a little longer, if you wish. I would not recommend it, however. You turn a light shade of green whenever you mention it.’
He would not speak so lightly when he heard what she had to say, but perhaps that was for the best. It would end this idyll and then she could go back to the life she was meant to have, one that did not include staying in houses that were large enough in which to get lost.
The stables were warm, with the sweet smell of fresh straw and the scuff of hooves on the floor. Tobias led the way to the back. Once they were inside, her eyes adjusted to the dark and she was able to see the outlines of the giant animals.
‘You have a lot of horses,’ she said inanely.
‘Some are for riding; others are for pulling carriages.’
‘Do you race?’
‘I do not. It was impressed on me from a young age that I should not take risks with my body. Although I had four younger brothers, ones who could take my place as the duke should I die, they did not have the same strictures put on them, not even Sebastian. My father would have found it a waste of time and energy to train me in the ways of the dukedom and then lose me to a riding accident.’
His dry tone had to be covering some disquiet about the way he had been treated, like his role was more important than his life. ‘What about your mother?’ she asked.
‘I do not really remember her all that well. She was of the opinion that children should be kept in the nursery and be brought to see her in the afternoon, so I probably did not interact with her all that much before she died. I always looked forward to seeing her, but in hindsight, I do not think the same could be said for her. She was often pregnant; perhaps she was tired, or maybe talking to a young boy was not something she felt comfortable doing.’
Yet another reason Tobias probably did not enjoy talking.
If his own mother could not be roused to speak enthusiastically with him, then perhaps he thought that no one else would either.
Grace’s parents may not have loved her, but they had given her attention.
Sometimes too much. A cold indifference was just a different kind of unpleasantness.
But it wasn’t simply Tobias’ parents who had raised them.
There was also this aunt, who had been some kind of guardian, although it seemed as if she had been merely placed in the house to ensure the young boys had an adult present.
It did not appear as if she had nurtured any of them.
‘And this Miss Dunn you all talk about with such loathing, what role did she play?’
If she kept him talking about himself, perhaps she would not have to meet the horse he believed her capable of riding.
It also meant she would not be able to talk about her marriage if they were focusing on Tobias’ upbringing.
So she was relieved when he said, ‘Miss Dunn was everything a person left in charge of children should not be. I cannot remember if I was close to my brothers before she came into our lives, but by the end of it, I was not. She kept us as separated as possible, locking us in our rooms for the slightest misdemeanour.’
‘That sounds awful,’ she said softly.
‘I was the oldest one. I should have done more to stop her reign of terror earlier. It haunts me that I did not.’
‘You were only a child.’
‘One who had been raised to lead and who should have done so from the very beginning. Before I came of age, the damage to the boys had already been done. Only now, I think, things are improving, but it is my fault that they need to be improved in the first place.’
They’d been walking slowly, but now they came to a stop. ‘I think you are being too hard on yourself.’
‘Perhaps.’ He shrugged. ‘We will never know, because we cannot change the past. I tell you all this, not for your sympathy, but because I want you to know that whatever you tell me cannot be as bad as all that.’
‘Oh, Tobias, it is a lot worse.’
He paused for a second, ‘It will not matter, Grace.’ All around them horses shuffled and snorted; she could not think of anything else to say. After a while, Tobias said, ‘This is Daisy.’
He stepped to one side to show her the horse he expected her to be able to ride. A mare with impossibly large eyes moved forward, her dark-grey head only just reaching over the stable door. The horse gently nuzzled Grace’s hat, and Grace let out a surprised, ‘Oh.’
‘Is that a good oh, or a “get this animal away from me” oh?’
‘It is a, “she is surprisingly beautiful for a scary beast.”‘ Daisy made a huffing noise that sounded a little like a laugh and some of Grace’s terror fled.
Tobias patted Daisy’s neck. ‘She is a sweetheart, who does not have a rider at the moment. If you find you enjoy spending time with her, she is yours for the duration of your visit.’
It was a generous offer, which would not dispel any of the rumours flying around about them.
‘Can I touch her?’
Tobias moved his hand and rubbed the horse’s nose, the motion bringing him closer to Grace so that she could inhale the faint scent of his cologne, a smell she worried she was addicted to.
Daisy nudged him back affectionately. ‘She enjoys any attention,’ he said, and for a moment, Grace thought he was speaking about her.
‘Like this?’ Her hand followed Tobias’, tracing a line along Daisy’s nose until their fingers were only a hair’s breadth apart. The two of them stood like that for a while. Under Grace’s palm the horse’s hair was soft and warm. Next to her, she could sense the steady rise and fall of Tobias’ chest.
‘I think she likes you,’ murmured Tobias.
‘Of course she does. I am very likeable.’ Tobias’ huff of laughter brushed against Grace’s skin. ‘Why do you have her, if no one is riding her?’
‘I…’ He shifted his feet. ‘I am not sure I want to tell you.’
‘Why? Did you obtain her illegally?’ Grace now had no intention of letting him get away with not telling her.
‘No, I…’ He clicked his tongue. ‘Actually, yes, let us say that. I stole her from… someone evil. It was a feat of great cunning and… bravery.’
She realised she was grinning when her cheeks ached. ‘What can be worse than obtaining Daisy by nefarious means?’
In the enclosure next to them there was a deep neigh. Tobias sighed. ‘It seems that Montagu wants me to tell you the truth. But if you breathe a word of this story to anyone at all, you can forget getting your hands on my cook’s fruit cake.’
‘Who is Montagu?’
‘I want the promise, Grace, before I speak another word on the subject.’
‘Very well. I shall add this to the long list of things I am keeping from your family, who are lovely.’
‘Lovely they may be, but they are very keen on torturing one another when they discover something that is even mildly embarrassing.’
‘Like the time you went swimming in the Serpentine.’
He narrowed his eyes and she giggled, surprising herself with the innocent sound.
‘Exactly like that, yes.’
‘I promise not to breathe a word. Now will you tell me who Montagu is?’
‘Montagu is the prize stallion I purchased recently. He is in the stable next to Daisy’s. Daisy is the love of his life.’
The other horse snorted, as if he were agreeing with Tobias.
‘How do you know such a thing?’
Tobias sighed again, sounding very put upon. ‘Once I bought him, he became half the man he’d been before my purchase. He was, for want of a better word, pining.
‘I went back to the initial seller. Montagu is a magnificent animal and I was reluctant to return him, but I wondered if perhaps he was used to a special diet or conditions. The seller mentioned Daisy, who had grown up around Montagu, sharing his paddock. Apparently, she had been miserable since I had taken away her great love, refusing to eat and only standing about with her head hanging down. The only solution I could think of was to buy her as well. Both of them were overjoyed to be reunited. Montagu is now as proud a stallion as ever and Daisy is happy to follow him around when they are let out to graze.’
Daisy demonstrated her contentedness by nuzzling against Grace’s neck.
‘How much did you pay for Daisy?’ asked Grace, fascinated to discover this soft side to Tobias.
‘An exorbitant amount. Too high to admit.’
For a second she debated not teasing him, but the temptation was too high. ‘Tobias Dashworth, are you a romantic?’
He scowled, although there was no heat in it. ‘No, I am highly practical. One of my assets was not performing to its best and so I made a purchase to ensure that it did.’
‘You could have sold him on to someone else or returned him to the seller, who may have sold them off separately again. Instead, you reunited the parted lovers.’ He made no comment, although the slight tilt of his lips suggested he was amused.
‘Who would have believed it? The stern and stoic duke, who stalks the edges of ballrooms not dancing and only frowning at those who dare to get in his way, is really soft and sentimental.’
Tobias let out a long, beleaguered sigh. ‘How about you believe that I am romantic and I believe that I am practical and we both keep this secret?’