Chapter 30
“Who is that man?” Nathaniel asked. “The one dancing with Dorothy.”
He had located Jonathan and Gabriel and was standing beside them, but he still hadn’t managed to tear his eyes away from Dorothy and her dance partner.
Dorothy was so happy with that man, so at ease.
He said something and she laughed, and Nathaniel burned inside.
She hadn’t responded that way to anything he had said today.
He had gone so far as to worry that she might be ill!
That felt ridiculous now. She seemed more than fine.
“That was Dorothy?” Jonathan asked. “I saw you with her. I just assumed that it was Lady Amanda. Didn’t you say that you were planning to court her?”
“Well, I don’t know which one she is,” Nathaniel said irritably.
“I don’t understand why people enjoy masquerades so much anyway.
” He was uncomfortably aware of the fact that he had been touting their benefits to Dorothy just a few moments ago but never mind.
“You can’t find the people you’d really like to be with when everyone is wearing a mask.
And now that man is dancing with Dorothy and I have no idea who he is. ”
“Why does it matter?” Gabriel asked. “He’s just some fellow who took an interest in her. I’m sure there’s no harm in him.”
“He’s arrogant,” Nathaniel said, though he wasn’t sure where the accusation was coming from.
Hadn’t the first thing he’d attributed to the man been weakness?
And yet, he found, he was angry. This fellow had walked right up to Dorothy when she had been in the middle of a conversation with Nathaniel, and he had stolen her away.
That was arrogant. It was rude, and it was behaving as though his own desires were more important than anybody else’s.
He ought to have recognized an ongoing conversation and kept out of it, rather than interrupting.
But apparently he’d decided that what he wanted couldn’t wait.
“I don’t know who he is,” Gabriel said. “But I don’t see why you’re so worried about him.”
“Yes, it’s not as if she didn’t give you a dance,” Jonathan agreed.
“She hardly did. She was barely present at all. It was all I could do to get her to look at me. And look at her now, laughing at everything that fellow says as if he’s the most entertaining person she’s ever met!
” The more he thought about it, the more his blood boiled. “I don’t know who he thinks he is.”
Jonathan eyed Nathaniel closely. “It seems as if you’re jealous,” he said. “Do you wish it was you she was dancing with?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Nathaniel scoffed. “I did dance with her.”
“But it sounds as though something about that was unsatisfying to you,” Gabriel said. “Jonathan is right, Nathaniel. This sounds like jealousy. This is how I would be reacting if someone was dancing with Agnes against my will.”
“I thought you didn’t feel that way about Dorothy,” Jonathan said.
“I don’t!” He flexed his fingers, annoyed. “I just don’t take kindly to being disrespected, that’s all. For someone to come up to me and disappear with the lady I was speaking to…it’s as bad as theft.”
“You’re overreacting a bit,” Jonathan said mildly. “You’ll see her again later, I have no doubt. And in the meantime, shouldn’t you be seeking out Lady Amanda, given that she’s the one you have a real interest in?”
“Do you know where she is?” Nathaniel looked around, but he was hoping not to see anyone he could identify as Lady Amanda.
His friends were right, pointing him toward spending time with her, but that wasn’t what he wanted right now.
He wouldn’t be able to be charming and charismatic, he knew that for certain.
Not while he was still so frustrated over what had happened with Dorothy.
“I don’t have the slightest idea,” Jonathan said.
“But you should do what others do. Make your way around the room. Speak to lots of people. Try to find one who catches a joke that you and Lady Amanda have shared. That’s how you’ll know it’s her.
That’s what a masquerade is for, Nathaniel.
You’re meant to use your charm to find people.
And you’ve got enough charm to manage that, even if it isn’t your strong suit. ”
He wasn’t sure that was true. He had never been charming, and the thought of working his way through the room charming every lady he met in the hopes of finding the one he was supposed to be talking to felt exhausting.
He wanted nothing more than to return home, to Colin, where he could be at ease.
And he thought, too, of the relaxing chess game with Dorothy, how natural it had felt to sit and talk with her.
Why couldn’t courtship be more like that? Why did it have to be so fraught?
“The dance is coming to an end,” Jonathan observed.
Sure enough, the musicians were playing the final note, and dance partners were beginning to separate from one another.
The gentleman who had stolen Dorothy bowed and said something to her, and she smiled and nodded, clearly agreeing to whatever it was.
Had he offered her something? Maybe he wanted her to dance with him again later?
“Look at you,” Gabriel said. “You look as if you’re about to hit something, Nathaniel. Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” Nathaniel managed, through gritted teeth.
“No, he isn’t,” Jonathan chimed in. “I’ve never seen him like this, Gabriel, have you?
So…impassioned?” There was a cheeky tone to Jonathan’s voice.
He was teasing. “You say you don’t have feelings for her, and yet, you’re clearly feeling something.
I don’t think this can just be frustration at another man’s rudeness, either.
There’s something more here. I don’t know what to make of it, but I truly think you do have feelings for her, Nathaniel. ”
“Let him be,” Gabriel advised. “Nathaniel, whoever that man was, he’s away from her now, so you might as well go over there and claim her back.”
Nathaniel wanted to protest that. He wanted to tell Gabriel that getting Dorothy back wasn’t what he wanted at all, that he had only been upset at the disrespect inherent in having her taken away.
But out of the corner of his eye, he could see that she was moving toward the edge of the dance floor as if to leave it.
If she went away, he would be hard pressed to find her again.
So, he turned away from his friends. He thought he heard Jonathan chuckle behind him, but he ignored it.
Let Jonathan laugh if he wanted to. It was easy enough for him.
He was already married and had no need to think about all these complex questions.
Jonathan could just spend his time at these parties enjoying himself, and enjoying other people’s misery.
Nathaniel crossed the dance floor toward the far door, which led out to the garden. Dorothy had been moving in that direction. For a moment, he lost sight of her, but then she was there in front of him, almost as if she had been waiting for him to arrive.
Was it possible she had been? His heart beat a little faster at the thought.
He wasn’t exactly sure why that was so alluring to him.
Maybe it was that he was hoping to hear she hadn’t liked her last dance partner any more than he had.
Maybe he wanted to hear her say that the man had been annoying and that she had looked forward to the moment when he would leave her be, that her smiles and her laughter had all been nothing more than an act to help her be rid of him more quickly.
Could he ask her such a thing?
“How was your dance?” he managed.
“It was all right.”
“Who was that man?”
She gave him an odd look. “I can’t know that,” she said. “He was wearing a mask, Nathaniel.”
“Not someone you knew, then? Not a friend of yours?”
“Nobody I knew. If he had been, I think I would have recognized him. It was like Violet said. He saw me and liked the way I looked and wanted a dance. That’s all.”
“If you like him too, perhaps a courtship is imminent,” he suggested, not knowing exactly why he had said it.
“I don’t think that’s going to happen, Nathaniel,” she told him. “That isn’t something I’m interested in. You know that. It was only a dance. Is this what you came over here to talk to me about? Whether I’m going to enter into a courtship with a gentleman after dancing with him a single time?”
She was angry with him, he realized with a start. But why? She was the one who had walked away from him, not the other way around. She was the one who had gone off with someone else when he had been doing his best to find something for the two of them to do together.
If she was frustrated that they hadn’t gone into the garden, though, he could rectify that right now. “What about taking that walk?” he suggested. “Now that your time is your own once more? I’m sure the garden has waited for us.”
“I don’t think that would be a very good idea,” she said stiffly.
He frowned. “Why not? There are plenty of people out there. It wouldn’t cause any trouble. And besides, I want to talk to you a little bit more. I didn’t get everything out that I wanted to say when we spoke earlier.”
“I think you and I have spent enough time speaking,” she countered.
“I know you think you can get more help from me, Nathaniel, but I truly believe that I’ve done all I can do.
There’s nothing more for me to say. You’ve just got to go and find Lady Amanda and make sure you show her the nature of your feelings.
Every moment you spend with me, you’re sabotaging your chances at creating something with her. ”
“Well…this will be the last time tonight, then,” he said. The idea of a garden walk had gotten into his head and he found he couldn’t so easily let it go. “I want to say a few more things, and then I’ll be done for the rest of the night.”
Dorothy looked uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to another. “I don’t think so,” she said. “I…I’m not feeling so well. I think I’m going to find somewhere to go sit down and rest for a while.”
“You’re feeling ill?” Worry crept in.
Her face brightened slightly at his words. “Yes,” she said. “Yes, that’s it exactly. Ill. I’m feeling ill. And so I really must go and find a place to sit down and drink some water. If you’ll excuse me.”
“But I ought to come with you,” he said. “You shouldn’t be on your own if you’re ill.”
“No. I’ll be fine.” Before he could say anything more or protest any further, she turned and rushed away, leaving Nathaniel standing on his own and staring after her.
He felt tired and upset, watching her go. She wasn’t ill. He was almost sure of it after the way he had seen her dancing just now. She had been so vibrant, so full of life. How could it be now that she had been ill the whole time?
No, he thought, watching her hurry across the dance floor toward the foyer, away from the direction she’d been heading in before the two of them had seen one another. She wasn’t ill at all. That had been a cover story, a means of getting away.
She was just trying to free herself from him.
She was avoiding him.
After all they had been through, she didn’t want to speak to him.
It was more than Nathaniel could bear.