Chapter Three #2
My father had forbidden me from leaving the palace, but that meant the bar near the stables— which the guards frequented after their shifts— was still available to me.
The patrons had cleared out when I’d arrived, apart from a few guards who stood outside to make sure I didn’t run.
Probably best if the place was empty, because the guards might’ve been tempted to go against my father’s orders and kill me otherwise.
No one wanted me on the throne now, and I was certain they didn’t want him there, either, but they were magically bound to obey my father.
If they had a chance, I was sure they’d kill me to end my family’s royal line and put some Elf in charge who wouldn’t completely screw them all over.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get some pleasure out of the fact that my mere presence sent everyone running. I preferred to be alone with enough alcohol to drown my sorrows.
I was hoping it’d drown me completely, to be honest. My wife wanted to leave me.
She’d asked for a divorce. I thought we were untouchable, that we loved each other too much for that ever to become a possibility, but guess not.
I was getting dumped by the love of my life, and it was my own damn fault.
The strong scent of whiskey filled the air as the bartender poured my drink.
I had already gone through my first bottle.
I could still feel the burn of the last shot in the back of my throat.
The bartender wasn’t stopping me, though.
By now, everyone knew what I’d done, and the punishment Cameron had sentenced me to.
I thought I heard the bartender give a sympathetic sigh when I placed my bandaged hand on the countertop.
He probably thought I was trying to numb the pain of my amputated finger.
I preferred the agony of it, to be honest. I wondered how many shots it’d take before he stopped me, or if he’d keep refilling my glass long enough for me to pass out under a table… long enough to forget.
All I really wanted to do was erase my memory, because what I’d done was too diabolical to face. But it wasn’t like that would happen. I could drink all the alcohol that was in this bar, and it wouldn’t be enough to make me forget Ava.
Oberi sat at my feet as a husky, not stopping me from taking drink after drink, but not leaving me alone, either.
I didn’t get why he was here. I was worthless.
He should be off comforting Ava right now, wherever she was, not babysitting me.
He remained silent, observing as I did my best to drink myself to death.
Soft footsteps approached, and someone slid into the seat beside me. I’d completely shut myself off from the world around me, but the tingle of her unique magic still managed to find its way into my awareness.
“If you’re here to tell me I fucked up, save your breath,” I mumbled.
“You’re smart enough to figure that out on your own,” Maddie replied. “You don’t need a naderei to tell you that.”
“Then why are you here?”
“To say thank you.”
Suddenly, the sound of a fan whirring overhead and the hum of the refrigerators nearby seemed louder than before. “Thank me?”
“I told you long ago what choices you had to make. I’m here to thank you for making the right one.”
“You knew what I’d have to do, didn’t you?” There was little emotion behind my words. I didn’t have it in me to be angry at Maddie. For all I knew, she was the one to put this idea in my head, but she wasn’t the one who had carried it out. That was solely on me.
“I was prepared to support you both in whatever decisions you made, no matter the outcome. However, even though I supported Ava’s decision to end it all, there was a small part of me that hoped you’d stop her.”
“I did it. I fulfilled your prophecy, and delivered to Ava a fate worse than death,” I stated hollowly. “But at what cost?”
“You saved lives, Charlie—”
“And destroyed hers,” I insisted. “That prophecy of yours. I suppose it doesn’t tell you what comes next?”
“No,” Maddie said. “My involvement as a naderei in this matter is over, but that doesn’t mean your work is finished. You bought us a future— a future we wouldn’t have if Ava had achieved what she set out to do. Now the two of you must decide what to do moving forward.”
“Ava and I are done. There is no moving forward after this.” I brought the whiskey to my lips.
“I only bought the Elves a few days before the Warden kills us all. You say I made the right choice, but that’s where you’re wrong.
No matter how the prophecy ended, there were no right choices.
Maybe in the end, that’s what this is all about.
We were fucked from the beginning, and Ava and I were doomed to be apart no matter how hard we fought to be together.
Because all that fighting did was make us destroy each other.
I’m not going to make it worse by continuing to beg her to stay. ”
I downed the shot, feeling the satisfaction of its burn in the back of my throat. I liked that it hurt, because I deserved it.
Maddie stood. “Whether the choice to fight for her is right or wrong, it’s still a decision you get to make.”
She said the words like it should mean something to me, but it was a poor attempt at imparting wisdom, because it didn’t seem wise at all. What was the point of having free will if you couldn’t do any good with it? Every decision I made just led to chaos.
She turned, her footsteps retreating and leaving me alone once again— alone, apart from the bartender, who had heard the conversation. A second glass clinked against the countertop, and then a third, as he began pouring my drinks faster than I could finish them.
I gave him an approving nod. “Keep ‘em coming.”
Oberi stood, speaking for the first time. Charlie, we need to talk about those papers.
What’s there to talk about? Fuck, even in my head, my voice sounded slurred.
If she wants you to sign them, you need to consider that. You might be making this harder than it has to be.
Fuck that. I’m not signing a godsdamn thing. I was dragging this out as long as I could, because why bother doing anything else? She’d hurt me by getting those papers drawn up in the first place, so now, I’d hurt her by not giving in. What else was there to do?
That’s just another way of keeping her in a cage, which you already have so much remorse over. Are you really going to do it again?
Tears stung at my eyes as I nearly broke down. I put my hands in my hair and let my head thump against the bar. No. It’s wrong not to let her go, I know that. If she really wants a divorce, I’ll give her what she wants. At least then, she’ll be safe from me.
I said consider signing them, not just hand them over, Oberi said dryly. You two haven’t had a single conversation about this that hasn’t turned into an argument, and I’m not convinced that splitting up is what either of you want.
Do you want me to sign those papers?
He laid his head against my leg. No. I personally think there’s a chance you two could work this out. But I’m not going to make either of you do so if this situation can’t be fixed.
Why would you want me to be with her after what I did? I deserve to get left. She needs to be protected from a monster like me.
Yes. But maybe there’s a way you two can come back from all of this, and forgive each other. Please don’t give up hope.
I already have. I’m done with her, and she’s done with me.
That might be true, but there’s a difference between done and finished, Oberi emphasized.
One of them you can come back from. The other means you’re truly willing to walk away and not look back.
You might be tired of Ava and all her bullshit, and I know for certain she’s tired of you.
But does that mean you’ve lost any desire to make things right?
Because that’s what divorce is, Charlie.
The love you feel for a person fades away so completely that you can’t experience it anymore.
You two might be bad for each other, and there might be no repairing this. But it does no good not to try.
There’s no fixing this, Oberi. I reached for another glass.
Ava and I are over with, for good this time.
I’ll never get to kiss her again. I’ll never get to touch her hair, and we’ll never get to have another deep conversation in the middle of the night.
I’ll never get to feel her body against mine again.
We won’t get to have kids, or a future together. I’ll never…
I put my head in my arms and just cried. Fuck all if the bartender saw. My reputation was ruined and so was my life. I couldn’t be a bigger embarrassment than I already was.
Is there anything I can say that will convince you not to give up?
I couldn’t dare to hope. Not anymore. Just go away.
I’ll leave you be. Oberi got up, trotting away. Think about what I said, all right?
I wouldn’t, because there was no point. I’d lost the love of my life. There was nothing left for me.
I didn’t know how many drinks I had— more than I could count, that was for certain.
It didn’t take long for the alcohol to hit me full-force, and I found the world spinning around me.
I thought I’d started weeping, though I wasn’t sure what I’d said to the bartender before I lost my bearings completely and slumped out of my chair and onto the floor.
I didn’t bother trying to get up. Probably best if I didn’t. He should’ve cut me off a long time ago.
I vaguely processed a sound, maybe even a vibration against the tiles, but my muddled brain couldn’t place it.
Something tickled my arm, and I batted it away.
It came back a second later, this time pounding on my cheek like tiny little fists.
I grabbed at whatever it was and found a small, twig-like creature wiggling between my fingers.
“Sprigs?”
Heavy footsteps approached. “For fuck’s sake, Charlie.”