Chapter Three
CHARLIE
I was a bad person.
The worst, really.
I used to think the world was full of shades of gray, that there were nuances to right and wrong.
That none of it mattered. Even if life was more than black and white, more than hard lines in the sand, I was still a terrible man.
Didn’t matter how I spun the truth anymore.
I’d dove head-first into those shades of gray, and I hadn’t realized when they’d turned my heart to black.
Ava had taken my heart in her hands, burned it to ashes, and yet those ashes couldn’t compare to the darkness that I’d allowed to consume me. I’d let it. It was my choice. And I did it anyway. I’d completely fucked up.
And I couldn’t fix it.
I’d stayed awake all night the moment Ava left our quarters.
Once she was gone, I knew I couldn’t fix this mess.
Ava and I were already broken, and had been long before our bond was severed.
I think our marriage had been falling apart for a while without either one of us realizing it.
Even if we went back in time to change everything, it wouldn’t be enough to put our broken pieces back together.
My wife had asked me for a godsdamn divorce. There was no coming back from that.
There was only one thing I could do. I knew it’d change nothing, but I still had to go through with it.
I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.
The morning after she brought me those damned papers, I dug through mine and Ava’s things until I found the pistols we’d created with simultension.
I wished the guns would disappear like any old illusion, but the damn things were so solid and real it was like they were forged from real earthy metals and not magic.
What are you going to do with those? Oberi asked bitterly. Planning on hurting someone else now, huh?
I was pissed he’d suggest such a thing. I ignored him, hiding the pistols in my waistband under my coat as I turned to the door of my suite. “I’m going to do what I should’ve done long ago. Are you going to help me, or just stand there while I potentially fuck us all over again?”
Oberi let out a puff of air, like he was displeased. The last thing I want to do is help you right now, but by the ancestors, you might be right this time. Lead the way.
Several guards were stationed outside my room, just as my father had promised.
I was still free to roam the palace, so they didn’t stop me from leaving my room, but their footsteps followed wherever I went.
I stomped down the hall, praying they wouldn’t notice me packing, because if they caught me with these pistols they’d make assumptions about me trying to start another coup and kill me on the spot.
Not an altogether awful fate, but if that happened, I’d never get a chance to finish what I started, and this was important.
I made my way to Marcus and Kallie’s suite and burst through the door without knocking. Marcus yelped, falling to the floor.
“What in the gods’ name are you doing?” Kallie snapped. “You nearly broke our door!”
I slammed the door shut behind Oberi, leaving the guards outside. “Give me your guns,” I demanded.
“W— what? Why?” Marcus stammered.
I threw mine and Ava’s pistols onto the table. “Just hand them over. I’m sick of this mob boss game I tried to win. None of us should’ve played.”
A stunned beat of silence passed. The only sound in the room was that of my ragged breath. I really didn’t want to waste time explaining myself. I just wanted this done and over with.
Finally, Kallie took a step forward. She shoved something hard and cold into my chest— her pistol. She knew my exact intentions without having to ask. “Do it, then. Get rid of it. I never want to see these fucking pistols again. We never should’ve used them in the first place.”
The air seemed just a little lighter when I took her pistol and added it to the pile. “Thanks, Kallie.”
“Don’t thank me,” she snapped back. “It was your fucking idea to make them. All you’re doing is trying to right a wrong that’s already ruined everything.”
She was right. But that wasn’t going to stop me from going through with this, because it needed to be done.
Marcus hesitated. “Why are we destroying these? We might need them again.”
I shook my head firmly. “No. If we can’t get by on our own, then we deserve to lose this war. We didn’t create these weapons to protect ourselves. We made these guns to hurt other people. We took our villainy too far, so they have to go.”
These guns were a symbol of how bad I’d become.
They were one of the first steps that had led to my marriage breaking apart, one of the things that had pushed Ava to ask for a divorce.
Maybe I couldn’t undo the damage I’d inflicted upon the world, but if there was anything I could do to stop things from getting worse, I’d damn well try.
I could stop myself from continuing down this dark descent into villainy.
I had to end it here, before I got even worse, before I harmed others more than I already had.
I needed to make sure these guns could never be used again.
“All right,” Marcus agreed. “No more pistols.”
He placed his gun on the table beside the others, and I gathered them together. Kallie turned her back on me.
Marcus placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you. This was the right thing to do.”
I shrugged him off before he could say anything more. I could hear it in his voice that he wanted to talk about this.
There was no more talking that could help. I’d gotten the pistols, and that was all I came for.
I turned to the door, and Oberi followed.
“Charlie,” Marcus tried again, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“Just leave me alone,” I told him over my shoulder, clearly indicating that was the end of it. I hid the guns in my coat and hurried out of the room. I was grateful that they didn’t follow.
Oberi followed me to the far end of the palace grounds, where a lookout tower hung over a steep cliffside. We climbed the tower to the very top, though the guards remained stationed at the base. They hadn’t noticed the guns I’d hidden and probably thought I came up here to throw myself off.
Cameron wouldn’t mind, I was certain, and had likely ordered them not to stop me if I tried.
I nearly contemplated it, but I knew better.
Taking myself out would only hurt Ava, and I’d wounded her too deeply to consider giving one more blow to her heart she couldn’t take.
I had to stick around to deal with the shitshow I’d caused.
Oberi and I stepped onto a balcony that overlooked the ocean.
Churning waves crashed against the cliffside below.
It was a long way down into the deep, dangerous waters.
Once I tossed these guns over the edge and they sank to the bottom, I couldn’t get them back if I tried.
No one else would be able to, either, because I’d take the knowledge of this location to my grave.
I didn’t waste any time contemplating it. I threw the four pistols over the cliff as far as I could, one by one. They tumbled downward into the water, never to be seen again.
Oberi stepped forward to nudge his nose into my hand. They’re gone.
I was relieved to be rid of them. My stomach cramped, revolting at the idea that I’d ever thought to create them in the first place— and had pushed everyone so hard to use them. These guns were dangerous, and so was the illusion magic I’d used to create them.
“The guns aren’t the only thing that has to go,” I said hollowly. “I need to give up my illusion magic, too.”
No one can take that from you, Oberi noted. I might be able to block it off with your consent, but it wouldn’t be forever lasting.
“No, but I can vow to never use it again. My illusions are too strong. Once I create something, I can’t undo it, and that’s too dangerous. I have to bury that magic so deep I can no longer reach it, because it’s caused us nothing but trouble.”
Are you certain that is the right decision? You came out here alone, without the aid of your friends who were only trying to help.
“I don’t need anything from them.”
Now’s not the time to shut everyone out, Oberi scolded. Perhaps you should be consulting others before making such rash decisions.
“What else am I supposed to do? There’s nothing anyone can do for me, and I can’t fix any of this, either. The best thing I can do is leave everyone alone. They don’t want me around, and I don’t want to be around them, anyway.”
Oberi placed himself in front of me and growled. As displeased as I am for every sin you’ve committed, throwing in the towel is not the answer.
“You’ve already lost all respect for me, so what do you want?”
I’d like you to at least try to right some of these wrongs!
You’ve done some of the worst things I’ve witnessed in all my millennia, and if you give up now, you will prove to yourself and everyone exactly what kind of monster you are.
If you are so intent on stopping the villainy you started, then you have to step up to do the work to reverse course.
Slamming on the brakes isn’t going to get you anywhere.
It will leave you stuck exactly where you are— miserable and alone.
I scoffed. “Miserable and alone is exactly where I deserve to be. At least then I can’t hurt anyone.”
Of that, you are sorely mistaken, Oberi sneered.
I stepped around him to depart from the tower. “I’ve done all I can. Now all I want to do is forget.”
I didn’t know why Oberi bothered trying to save me. I didn’t believe for a second he had any faith left in me, so who was he to say I still had work to do? He’d already given up on me, and I couldn’t say I blamed him.
I’d certainly given up on myself.
“Another, goddammit,” I told the bartender as I slid my glass across the bar. I’d been here for hours, maybe all day. I couldn’t be sure anymore, though I was certain the sun had set a while ago.