Chapter Five
CHARLIE
The day of my seanari’s funeral arrived, and I wished I was being buried with him.
I didn’t want to be conscious for it, and I wasn’t. Not really. I just… shut myself off. On top of everything else, I couldn’t bear to feel this, too.
Eddie arrived at my quarters that morning and helped make me presentable.
My father had promised I’d have no other servants at my disposal, and he wasn’t budging on that, not even for Cassiel’s funeral.
I could tell Eddie wasn’t pleased to help, but if he weren’t here I wasn’t sure I’d make it out of bed at all.
We exchanged no words as Eddie scrubbed every speck of dirt from my skin until my entire body had been rubbed raw.
Sprigs scurried around the countertop to hand Eddie various bottles, so he could slather every inch of me in oils and perfumes.
I wasn’t sick, but I might as well be, because I was so grief-stricken that I couldn’t really dress myself.
I hated how much I needed my guard, as I was sure he hated how much he had to take care of me.
He redressed the wound where my finger used to be.
No one had offered to call in a healer, and I was more than willing to bet my father had forbidden it.
He’d want everyone in the palace to see what my punishment had been— to make a spectacle out of it.
I was probably due for a haircut, but Eddie must’ve known I’d refuse, because he simply combed my hair back.
I wouldn’t let anybody cut my hair but Ava, and she was never going to do that again, so it would be down to my ankles by the time I finally died.
I let him shave the stubble that had grown across my jawline, then he shoved me into some sort of suit, though I didn’t bother noting any details about what he’d picked out for me.
Eddie remained silent as he adjusted his tie and fitted a patch over his missing eye before he led me out of the bedroom.
Sprigs perched on my shoulder. It seemed my little plant friend was the only being who wasn’t wholly pissed at me.
I didn’t think he could comprehend what had happened; if he had, surely he’d abandon me, too.
His innocence was devastating more than anything, because it reminded me of another’s innocence I’d ruined, and therefore, his presence brought me no comfort at all.
I half expected Marcus to be waiting to walk down to the temple with me, but he wasn’t around. I bet my father had forbidden him to accompany me. He wanted me to feel every ounce of loneliness possible, to remind me of the depth of the decisions I’d made.
The joke was on him, because I didn’t feel lonely. Instead, I felt nothing at all.
Are you ready, Charlie? Oberi asked, pressing his wet nose against my hand.
I was so out of it I hadn’t even sensed his magic signaling he was here with me. I couldn’t muster up a response. Instead, I gave a nod.
Oberi started forward, and Eddie followed to escort us to the temple.
My father had certainly ordered him to keep a close eye on me today.
Eddie wasn’t the only one. Several other pairs of footsteps trailed behind us as my father’s guards kept watch of my movements.
My father didn’t want me sneaking out of the palace while everyone was occupied at the funeral.
As if I would miss this. Cameron claimed to love Cassiel more than I ever could, but my father had no idea how deep my admiration for my seanari went. If anything compared to how miserable I felt over losing Ava, grieving my grandfather was a close second.
I’d forgotten to count my steps, and we arrived at the temple far too soon.
Inside, the sound of bagpipes played while soft whispers filled the air.
One of the Elvish mystics escorted me down the aisle and to the front of the chapel.
I heard a few gasps, and the whispers grew louder as people took notice of my bandaged hand.
Your father’s smirking quite proudly. Oberi was just trying to be helpful by describing our surroundings, but he couldn’t keep the distaste from his tone. He’s got a big stupid crown on his head, like he has to remind everyone who’s in charge.
“Of course he does,” I mumbled back. He couldn’t even attend a funeral without making it about himself.
He’s sitting in a pew designated for the royal family, but it’s all full, Oberi noted. Looks like we’re headed to the pew across the aisle reserved for extended family members.
My father was obviously sending a message to the entire kingdom. I was still family— just not important.
The scent of raspberries nearly brought me to my knees. Ava didn’t say anything as I took my designated seat beside her. It’s like she thought she could hide from me by just being silent, but the pace of her breath alone gave her away.
As much as I desperately wanted to say something to her— to reach out and touch her— I didn’t.
Things were easier that way. I longed for her to look at me even though I wouldn’t be aware of her acknowledging my appearance, because it’d still be a gift despite me being unable to experience it.
It was a miracle she’d blessed me with her presence, and on one of the worst days of my life, I’d eagerly accept that treasure and ask for nothing else.
She was here because she’d respected Cassiel. I was sure that was the only reason, because it certainly wasn’t to comfort me. I didn’t deserve any consolation she could give. We awkwardly sat there, not interacting, merely existing in the same space.
Sure felt a hell of a lot like our marriage, which was hanging on by a lifeline if it wasn’t dead already.
All of your friends are here, Oberi noted. Marcus, Kallie, Chancey, Ivy, Eddie, Alistair, Ez, Opal, and Danny. Though… they’re all over the chapel, and not in the same pews. Everyone’s split up in different places. No one is sitting together.
I’d done that. I didn’t know how many of them were my friends anymore.
The Great Mystic took to the front of the chapel and began the ceremony.
I heard her words but couldn’t process how they fit together.
It sounded garbled, like her voice was coming from underwater.
She must’ve said something important, because her voice faded as someone else came to the front of the temple.
Your grandfather’s guard, Oberi told me. It’s customary for those with Elvish bonds to give the eulogy in poem form.
I didn’t envy anyone who survived long enough to give the eulogy in that scenario. Maybe that was the one good thing about breaking my bond with Ava. If I managed to outlive her, perhaps I’d survive her death now that our soul was split apart.
I couldn’t fathom thinking about that. No. Whether our bond was there or not, her death would still destroy me, as it had once before. If there was any mercy in this world, the gods would take me first.
My grandfather’s guard began to speak, reciting the poem in a solemn voice.
One century old
But gone too soon
Your legacy will live on
Like an ancient Elvish tune
Passed down through the ages
We’ll remember our great king
In stories and in legends
Like a bell’s resounding ring
Emperor Cassiel The Great
Is what we shall now call you
Revered for your brave sacrifice
A chance to start anew
An Elf who ruled with firmness
But kindness all the same
Who took what had been shattered
And gave our home a name
I’ll be forever broken
As you were my purpose in life
But your people will continue on
Thanks to your sacrifice
You gave our people hope
A future worth fighting for
We’ll move forward in your name
Forevermore
When Eddie choked up behind me, I managed to process a few lines. I’ll be forever broken, as you were my purpose in this life.
I wondered if that’s how Eddie would feel about me once I inevitably corked off. I had Hawkei blood in me, which meant I would live an average human lifespan. Even if I lived to be a hundred, I’d still die relatively young by Elvish standards.
Eddie, though? He was a full-blooded Elf, and would live for centuries longer. He was immortal, which meant once I died, Eddie’s spiritual purpose died with me.
It really fucking sucked holding someone else’s purpose in my hands.
I didn’t want it. I realized that out of everyone, Eddie was the one who stood to lose the most. Even if we defeated the Warden, time would eventually take everything that mattered to him.
I wasn’t the only one he’d lose; Alistair was a warlock, and they had short lives in comparison to the Elves.
Eddie would have to bury me, then Alistair, then he’d be alone in the world for the rest of his existence on this planet, which could be thousands of years.
He’d receive love and purpose that was limited to only a short amount of time.
He must’ve realized this, but he still chose to serve me and be with Alistair anyway, knowing eventually he’d have to let us both go.
He’d reconciled himself to this fate, and still been so kind and generous in spite of it.
It was something I could never do. He was a stronger person than I could ever imagine being.
Eddie’s ultimate destiny was to be alone, and he didn’t deserve that.
What a sick world we lived in.
Once the poem finished, my grandfather’s court gathered at the front of the temple and performed a song and dance.
They circled the tree that grew within the temple, chanting an Elvish funeral rite as they spun, crying out to the Elvish goddesses to guide Cassiel’s soul into the afterlife.
I didn’t notice it’d ended until Oberi nudged me.
What? I was irritated he’d bothered me. I’d been dissociating through the whole experience just to get me through it. Couldn’t he leave me alone?
His voice cut through the momentary silence. It’s time for the Presentation of Gifts. Guests will pay their respects by placing offerings on the altar, which are traditionally items that once belonged to the deceased, to be buried with them.