Chapter Six #3
“That’s not true. You’ll fight until you can’t anymore, then you catch your breath and go back out there again until it kills you. Even when you’re dead, you still get back up and say you’re not done. I know, because I’ve seen you do it time and again.”
“I’ve done nothing but sit here and sip mocktails for days! I think it’s pretty clear I’m over it.”
“Taking a break doesn’t mean you’re broken,” Kallie said.
“You’re not useless because your magic’s gone.
If anything, that just gives you more reason to fight back, and nobody fights like Ava when she’s pissed.
You’re taking some time to get your head on straight, but eventually, you’re gonna get fed up with your own bullshit.
You take your sweet time making up your mind, but when you decide on something, that’s when the real magic happens.
And once you do, everyone else better watch out. ”
She slipped her sunglasses over her eyes. “I’ll be waiting for the moment you’re ready to cause pandemonium again. Because we’re best friends, and together, we’re here to fuck shit up.”
I lifted my chin out of my hand. “And Charlie?”
She shrugged. “Fuck him. He gave you this opportunity to play with power by marrying him. Use it to your benefit.”
Her words struck me. Marriage didn’t have to be for love. People married for all kinds of reasons— royals, particularly, for strategy and power.
Men played games of power all the time. Why couldn’t women play them, too? Charlie had gambled and lost, but maybe I could place a bet, and come out on top this time.
I didn’t want to be married to him. But I was, and if those papers were still unsigned… maybe it was time to utilize that as an opportunity.
I waited until Kallie left so I could sneak off to get the hockey tickets unnoticed.
It wasn’t hard. All I had to do was call a few servants and have them get everything arranged for me.
I didn’t have anything to do the rest of the day, but I was tired of sitting around in the Ladies’ Court, so I risked leaving them so I could speak to Ez.
I hadn’t seen my brother much since I’d lost my magic. As much as I didn’t want to, I’d risk running into Charlie so I could spend some time with my brother.
I knocked on his apartment door, not sure if he’d be there, but my dark heart lightened when Ez opened the door. A massive smile beamed upon his gentle face. “Hey, sis! Where have you been?”
He reached out to hug me, squeezing me against his broad chest. Guilt overcame me as I hugged him back. Ez was such a sweetheart. He didn’t deserve the silent treatment from me because I couldn’t deal with my issues. “Not anywhere, really. Do you mind if we hang out?”
“Of course I don’t! I’ve been waiting for you to come around.
” He stepped aside, and I wheeled into his quarters.
He immediately went to pick up all the toys that were scattered around the floor so I could move around.
“Sorry. Marina throws her stuff everywhere. The whole house is basically her play place.”
“How is it, living together?” Besides the toys, Ez’s medical books were stacked on every surface, and Opal’s crafts laid scattered across the table. Their home was a perfect picture of young family life, full of colors, clutter, and light.
A picture of a family that Charlie and I might’ve had, if we hadn’t decided to destroy each other along the way. Something within me hollowed.
“Aw, man, it’s awesome. Marina’s the coolest kid there ever was. We have a lot of fun together. I can barely keep up.”
“Did you give Opal the ring yet?” Proposals were going around, and here I was, getting divorced.
Ez’s smile faded. “No. I wanted to ask her on her birthday, but that was before everything… happened. I keep waiting for things to get better, but they never do. This war keeps dragging on, and med school isn’t getting any easier. I’m tired of putting it off.”
“So don’t any longer. Fuck the Warden, fuck school, and ask,” I suggested.
Ez nodded. “You’re right. Whatever is going on in our lives, we can handle. It’s time for us to get married.”
“Thank the ancestors. I’m tired of waiting for you two to tie the knot.”
“We should get a move on. Opal wants more kids, and she doesn’t want Marina to get too much older before we give her siblings. There’s already going to be an age gap.”
“You two are gonna get pregnant, then you’re gonna have to hurry up and get married, because you won’t have a choice.” I laughed.
“Not everybody wants a shotgun wedding thrown together on the same day you decide to get married,” Ez teased.
I snorted. “Hey, at least I wasn’t pregnant when I got married, either time. Can’t say a baby made us rush to the altar. I married Charlie on the spot because I was nuts, clearly.”
“I mean, technically you waited for marriage,” Ez pointed out. “You guys didn’t go all the way until after you were already hitched.”
I blinked. “Holy shit, you’re right. Where did my wild child genes go wrong there, that I remained chaste until after holy matrimony?”
“I personally think it’s sweet you guys saved your first time for your wedding night,” Ez said, all too wholesomely.
“Don’t remind me. It’s sickening.” I should’ve just slept with the guy, then run away the minute any concept of marriage came up. Fuck love.
Ez dug in his medical bag, whipping out his notebook. “I’m glad you’re here, anyway. I think I’ve made some good progress on figuring out how we can mend your spine.”
My heart dropped. “Ez.”
“There’s all kinds of compelling research. Spinal injuries can be reversed. You just need the right kind of physical therapy, or the right medications—”
“Ez.”
“I know you don’t want to, but there are experimental surgeries you can try…”
I reached out to place my hand over his, and my brother froze. “Ez. I’m never going to walk again. The Warden made sure of that.”
The look on his face… ancestors, I’d never forget it. It was struck by agonizing fear. “What are you talking about?”
“I mean...” I closed my eyes and took a breath.
“We found notes on my surgery after I was hurt in the Infernal Underground. The doctors experimented on me when I was hurt. My magic was healing me, but the surgeons kept cutting my spine open to watch it heal, because they wanted to see what my powers were capable of. They could’ve let me heal properly, but they didn’t.
They chose to use me as a guinea pig, and it caused permanent damage.
Because my healing magic mended my spine wrong, there’s no fixing it.
You can’t reverse a demigod’s power. It’s set like that for life. ”
“No,” Ez whimpered. He began fumbling through his papers, shuffling through all his research. “This can’t be true. There has to be a way. We can fix you—”
I grasped his wrist. “I don’t want to be fixed, Ez. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
His lip wobbled. “But… don’t you want to walk again?”
A familiar pang entered my heart, but it had long since dulled. “Sure. I’d love to. It would be great, wouldn’t it? But I’ve grown accustomed to this life.”
Ez started to cry. He was sensitive to a fault, and I’d struck him right in the heart. He wiped at his face and said, “Sorry, this is about you, not me. I’m making it all about myself—”
“Oh, Ez, come here.” I wheeled to the couch, and he followed me. He sat down, and I pulled myself onto the cushions beside him. He sniffled, throwing an arm around my shoulders.
“I’m okay with how things are,” I insisted. “I’ve already grieved my old life. It’s okay for you to let go of the person I was, too. If you want me to give you permission to give up, I do.”
“I can’t give up.” His words wavered. “You’re bound to that chair. You can’t go anywhere without it.”
“My chair is a tool, not a prison. It doesn’t take anything away.
It gives me my life back.” I wanted to make him understand, but it was hard, because he hadn’t lived this life.
“I don’t have the same kind of life that I did before, but I’m still capable of so much.
I need you to believe I can do anything, as much as I could when I was able to walk.
I can’t stand you seeing me as lesser or inferior just because my legs don’t function.
So many people doubt me because I can’t walk anymore, but I think I’ve proved to myself time and again that nothing and no one is going to slow me down, no matter what anyone thinks. ”
“But how can you do anything if you can’t walk? You’re so limited. If you aren’t able to walk again, and you can’t get your legs back, what kind of life can you really live?”
“That’s what the world automatically believes when someone ends up in a wheelchair, and it’s wrong.
It’s insulting and demeaning. Are you living an insignificant life because you have Combined Magical Suppression Syndrome?
You’re disabled, too, and you’re letting the world give you internal biases against people who are just like you.
Internalized ableism is still a thing, Ez.
And I know you don’t believe these things deep down, even if they’re what’s been hammered into you by society. ”
Ez cringed. “I mean… ouch. You do have a point there. But I don’t feel like it’s fair to compare our disabilities, because I think you have it worse off than me.”
“Bullshit, Ez. I have a harder time getting around, and I need a lot of help, but you’re sick every other damn day of the week.
And don’t tell me Opal and our parents don’t have to help you out a lot, because I know that’s not true.
You don’t have the energy to get by all on your own.
Your energy needs are so demanding that you can’t live by yourself.
They have to help you every day, even if it’s in small ways. ”
Ez nodded. “You’re right. I’m mostly fine, but I only have so much to give. I had to take a month off of medical school last semester because I was so sick.”