CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
EMMERY
The ride back to Blackdawn Castle was agony. Not only were they snared in a torrential downpour and soaked to the bone, but once they discussed their encounter with those strange monsters, a heavy silence fell.
While Fionn mumbled quietly to Brennen, Emmery fought not to look at Destonne. In fact, it took all her damned strength not to.
She feared if she did, she would fall to pieces, and the conversation they needed to have was for his ears alone.
Instead, she focussed on Juno’s misty breath and the clip-clop of their horses' tread, even as his magic’s acute, intoxicating potency hummed in her blood, sang in that empty pit inside her, and chased the rain away.
Once they were barricaded from the outside world by his bedroom door, she finally looked at him, from his rain-soaked curls to his sopping wet boots.
A need to cross that seemingly endless distance overcame her, though he only stood across the room from where she leaned against his chest of drawers.
Her fingers itched to skim through that gorgeous crimson vestige.
To bathe in it. To tear off his shirt and trousers and take him to the floor to show him how his presence alone filled her hollowness.
Because not even the clouds of doubt could keep his sunlight away.
And she’d missed him so damn much it palpably hurt not to touch him when his warmth beckoned.
Maybe she’d become an addict and Dez was her bone ash. Maybe she would destroy herself going back to him. And do it gladly.
If he would have her. Because his carefully crafted expression of stone and steel remained impenetrable.
Unsure how to start, Emmery wrapped her arms around herself. After all this time to think, now that he stood before her, all her words vanished, and the air between them sagged, heavy as her sodden tunic.
“Though you know I’ll always make time for you, I have an appointment in Ellynne I absolutely can’t miss,” he said.
He tugged at his saturated sleeve. “I leave at dawn. Which is”—Dez glanced at the clock he’d ruined for her—“soon. I think. I didn’t plan to return tonight, but as fate will have it, here you are. ”
Emmery arched her brow. “What’s in Ellynne?”
“Always so nosey,” he teased. His brows drew together as he noticed her crossed arms. “Are you cold? Do you—” He glanced at the chest of drawers she leaned against. “Take one of my shirts.”
She shook her head and stared at the floor.
“Oh, come now, Emmery. Don’t be so prideful. I can see you shivering from here.”
As he strode across the room, her vestige pulled toward him. Bent. Arced as if he were her gravity. Their bond begged her to stop being so damn stubborn and put it out of its misery.
“How’s Soren?” she asked. She feared the answer but needed to breach this distance somehow. He let her lead the conversation, like watching her squirm in all capacities fascinated him.
He reached the chest of drawers and tugged it open to retrieve a black shirt. “The veramint treated the fever, but we don’t know for how long.” His words came out cold. Empty. Impossibly sad.
A pang of sympathy sang through her chest. “That’s—I’m so sorry, Dez.”
“I am too,” he said softly. He offered the shirt. As she blindly reached for the tunic, their fingers brushed and—
Gods, no words could describe the jolt of power that sang through her.
She clutched the shirt to her chest and inhaled his familiar scent of icy mint clinging to the fabric, which now made sense.
Ice. Like a trace of his magic somehow lingered all this time.
Then she couldn’t tear her eyes from him, too captivated, too stupidly, idiotically entranced by his vestige.
“You’re staring,” he said. The smug bass in his voice matched the curl to his lips. “Like I did the first day we met in Malheim.” He’d called her vestige ‘striking’ and she’d flushed five hundred shades of red.
Emmery swallowed. “Yes, well, your vestige is…” The longer she fought for words, the more her face heated, and his lips curved. “What are you smiling about?” she snapped.
“You’re too adorable. And from that gorgeous pink in your cheeks, it’s clear you need practice both giving and receiving compliments.” The sunshine inside her swelled as his smile split into a grin. “And making you blush is my favourite thing.”
Her whole body scorched, the flush so rampant it climbed her ears. “Is it really appropriate for you to be shamelessly flirting with me?”
“Seems I can’t help myself.” His smile fell and he shoved his hands into his pockets like his self-restraint lay at the bottom and it was all he could do not to touch her. “You would be even more adorable if you didn’t loathe me.”
Her brows pulled together and she set the shirt on the chest of drawers. “I don’t hate you, Dez.”
“Sure you do.” His shoulders lifted in a tense shrug.
“I ruined everything. Took advantage of you. I had no right to do what I did.” He cleared his throat.
“I know I said I wouldn’t apologize, but I’m sorry, Emmery.
I never intended to upset you. I only want to make you happy.
And if that means staying away from you, then I will. I’ll give you anything you need.”
She drew a cleansing breath and exhaled, “I’m sorry, too.”
He arched a brow. “For?”
“I destroyed your crystal.” She pressed her lips together. “And I think I called you a few less than palatable names and threw some accusations.”
“I believe you said I’m out of my mind, I manipulated you, and called me a liar.
Oh, and a bastard. That one stung a bit.
” He swiped the back of his hand across his eyes.
“I’ve been called a lot of things. Been treated as a pest, stomped on like dirt, labelled my father’s pet, but from you—” He sighed.
“It hurt. Because you made me feel like I … mattered.”
Her lips parted, but no words came. He did matter. He mattered to her so much more than he knew.
Dez’s gaze softened. “I know you think I never cared about you, and I was using you, but that’s not true. I care too much. And I want you to know I meant what I said. All of it. And back in the Hollow, you were right. I was afraid to say so many things. So let me say them now.”
Emotion clogged her throat, her eyes stinging with the threat of tears.
“You want to know what I heard in that labyrinth? The voice that called me through the walls? Because it still echoes in my head when my thoughts grow quiet.” A jagged breath shook his chest. “It was you, Emmery. You were screaming and sobbing and crying my name. You begged me to come for you, to save you, to love you, but … I couldn’t find you.
Couldn’t get to you. We always just missed each other, and each time I caught a glimpse of you, you always slipped away. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe.
“And when you Collapsed, your voice replayed over and over and over in my head. When I was holding you in my arms, and your heart stopped … something inside me died, too. It gutted me.” His throat bobbed with a swallow.
“Senka knew exactly what my fears were. She pulled them from my head and sank them into that stone fortress. And five days ago, all those fears came true when you left.”
He stepped toward her. “Because you make me want to pray again. To live. To hope. You make me want all the things I told myself I would never, and could never, have. I killed those desires long ago, but you’ve brought me back to life, angel. You’ve made me dream again.”
Heart in her throat, Emmery summoned her courage and closed the distance between them.
Dez merely watched as her fingers found the hem of his shirt, gazed as she slowly lifted the fabric.
His eyelids fluttered shut as she traced the burns on his abdomen.
And though she had absolutely no right, he let her touch him.
His breath hitched, and he trembled under her fingertips, as if he was breaking beneath her.
Their vestiges mixed, and infinite power lingered in every place their bodies met.
It was perfect. Cathartic.
“Why are you hurting yourself, Dez?” she asked, softly. “I could feel you using my magic.”
He cleared his throat, blinked a half dozen times, and searched her face.
“I want to be whole. And like this, I never will be. My heart is … it’s a dead weight in my chest, Emmery.
I can’t feel it. And without it I can’t—” He gently caught her fingers and her bones reduced to gelatin.
“I can’t love you the way you deserve. Not fully. That’s why I couldn’t say it.”
Her heart strained against her ribs, and she gazed up at him. How could she respond to that? From what Reize claimed, that wasn’t true.
Thoughtfully, he toyed with her fingers. “Every time you touch me, I can see clearly again, and I think it’s because your magic is the only thing that can rid me of all this. I burned the thorns. But I need more to keep them away.”
Panic rose in her throat. “You can’t be serious.” Her brows drew together and she said, deadly quiet, “My magic—it could kill you. It would kill you.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “But this isn’t any sort of life. I—I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep living like this. Especially when it’s keeping me from you.”
Her heart cinched impossibly tight. “You can’t ask me to do that.”
“I’m not.” His jaw clenched. “But I wish you would consider it.”
Her stomach bottomed out. “Is that why you stole my flame?”
“I didn’t steal it. I never even asked for it. You must have offered your magic through the bond. And if you completed it, I’d do the same.” He gently squeezed her hand. “For the record, it shocked me as much as it did you.”
She flexed her fingers and imagined his ice at her fingertips, opposite her magic in every way, and yet, it instilled peace inside her.
To share that with him. But maybe her flame had leapt to him, because, deep down, she wanted someone else to hold it.
To become connected by this burden. Or maybe her magic knew he needed its aid all along.