CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR #2
Dez tilted his head, his eyes overflowing with such sadness it bled into her. “Did you get the answers you wanted?”
Her chest swelled, heavy and aching for him. She gave a quick nod.
“I see,” he said hoarsely, and it scraped through her, his pain so palpable it sat on her tongue. “Tell me why you’re here, angel. Because the suspense is killing me more efficiently than your flame ever could.”
She took his hand in both of hers and held it to her chest. Their gold and crimson melded like two halves of a whole. “I spoke to Reize. She said my magic can destroy the bond and dismantle anything really.”
Destonne’s face fell, and he grew unnervingly still.
“But—” She gazed up at him, her heart in her hands. “I want to know what you want, Dez. Tell me what you want first.”
“I already told you. Nothing has changed.” His jaw tightened and his eyes blazed, dark as the night sky. “If you’re going to break me all over again, do it quickly. My resilience is increasingly brittle.”
She burrowed into all that had run through her mind as she found her way back to him. All the things she needed to say.
“I didn’t want to admit it, but what you said was true.
Because admitting it—” She held his hand to her face and breathed the next words into his skin.
“I’ve never been enough. Not for anyone.
Not for my mother, my sister, Nathaniel, and especially not for this prophecy.
And I think I wanted to prove something to myself, and to this world.
That I’m meant to be here. That if I could do this, if I could find Shade, I wouldn’t be such a worthless, terrible monster.
But I don’t want to follow someone else’s path for me.
I want to forge my own. I need to decide my own fate. And you, Dez—”
She swallowed the threat of tears. “You’ve been the balm to my burn.
The antidote to my venom. The sun to my shade.
You’re everything I don’t deserve. Because I’ve never met anyone like you.
You’re so stupidly brave and strong and confident.
There isn’t anything you aren’t good at, and you’re damn brilliant, though I’m sure that will go straight to your head. ”
Dez’s laugh bordered a sob.
“And though you pretend not to be, you’re gentle and kind. You’ve been everything I needed without ever having to ask. You’ve never made me feel less than. When I couldn’t glimpse my own reflection without recoiling, you’ve always looked at me with wonder. Even when I wasn’t looking back.”
“Emmery…” He exhaled in pain and regret and so much longing.
“It’s me who isn’t enough for you, and I know it.
” Her bones splintered, and she cracked wide open, fearing she would crumble to the ground.
“I—I don’t know how to love you properly.
I’m only just learning to be kind to myself.
You need a queen. Someone strong and fierce and sure of themselves.
With the prophecy and Soren, you have every right to send me away.
In fact, I know you should. And if you want children …
I’m afraid you’ll resent me. That I can’t give you—” Emotion snagged in her throat, and she turned away.
But Dez’s hand found her cheek. “It’s you who triumph over anything else.
Because it’s you I desire—over my kingdom, my magic, over anything.
I would have gladly tossed that vial into the abyss, if it meant I could hold you again.
” His eyes brimmed with emotion. “You’re more than enough.
You are so much more than you could ever imagine.
There’s nothing more in this life for me.
You’re it. We’ll figure out this prophecy together, but I need you to tell me why you came back. I need to know what changed your mind.”
And all his words came flooding back. All the things he’d said, and she’d hoarded away like treasure.
When he’d saved her from herself.
I will never let you drown.
Come back to me.
You don’t need me to fix you, Emmery. You’re not broken.
When he was screaming how he felt, but she was deafened by denial.
Don’t you know how long I’ve been bleeding out for you? But I handed you the blade, didn’t I? Guided your hand to that weak gap between my ribs.
Please, Emmery, put me out of this misery.
I’m afraid we’re playing different games now, angel.
When he’d said infinitely more. When she’d thought it was too little.
Now, it seems, I only dream of one thing.
I need more than your body. I want your heart too, Emmery.
I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes. And I’m so confoundedly desperate for you, angel, if all you want is me tonight, then—I’m yours.
If I have to watch you love someone else, none of it matters!
Do you know the lengths I would go to if I were him? I would do anything. I would be anything you needed. I would be your friend. Your confidant. Your strength. Your heart. Your soul. Your love.
I could care for you better with my hands tied behind my back, struck deaf and blind. I know you, Emmery. I hear you without words. I see you without looking. Everything in me recognizes you and would in any life.
Don’t you know I would love you so well if you let me?
“Because you love me, Dez. I know you do, even if you couldn’t say it. Even if you think it’s not enough.” She blinked and said the words her heart called with each beat. “Molh havan za vania. Una brelle aspretto. Senta el mio.”
Her world swam until he took her face in his hands, tethering her to this earth.
He rested his forehead against hers and breathed her in, leaned into this delicate moment full of promise and awe and, gods, that was hope.
It was lovely and delectable and so overdue. And with Dez, it was within reach.
“I want to show you something,” he murmured. “I think you may like it.”
She nodded, and her lips curled in a half smile.
He led her by the hand to the ornamental-looking door adjacent to his bed and held it open for her.
They descended the winding stairs to another door below.
His fingers lingered on the handle, like his best kept secret hid behind the slab of wood.
When he finally turned the knob, and the door creaked open, her heart lodged in her throat.
Ahead stretched a small garden tented by thick white fabric. Overhead, gaps of night sky peeked through, and moonlight bathed the single ornate wooden bench decorating the space.
But it wasn’t the garden that stole her breath.
It was what filled it.
Noxcore. Hundreds of them, all in a symphony of that deep plum.