Chapter Fourteen
Three Weeks Left
God, am I glad to be back at the hotel. I walked enough to last me the entire year! The minute I step through the doors to our room I feel a rush of relief. After a long day of trekking through muddy trails, the only thing on my mind is a nice, hot shower.
‘I’ll go first,’
Xander says. Clearly as eager to get clean and wash the grime off as I am.
‘No, don’t worry. I’ll go!’
‘Oh, come on, Yazza, I called dibs first, plus I’m already halfway there,’
he protests. The pleading in his tone doesn’t make me feel a hint of sympathy.
‘Dibs? What are we, five? Look I know we’ve both had the same trek but ladies first, right?’
I raise my brow and cross my arms. I can’t believe I just pulled the gender card, but I’m desperate.
He looks at me as if he can’t believe those words are coming out of my mouth.
‘Yeah… but I’m a guy so I’ll be faster.’
Something in my stance must tell him that I’m not going to budge.
‘Fine. You can go first. I’m only offering because, like the gentleman I am, I’ll be gracious and wait.’
‘I don’t want to hear any complaining about how long I’m in there. It takes a lot of maintenance to look this good,’
I say, gesturing over my muddy clothes.
Xander slumps onto the edge of the bed with a huff.
‘I’ll just be sat here… minding my own business.’
I gather everything I need and make my way towards the bathroom, but not before tossing him one last daring look over my shoulder.
‘Yeah, you better!’
I throw back at him. A teasing smile tugs at my mouth.
‘Make sure you shut the door properly.’
Xander raises an eyebrow, which sends an unexpected warmth through me. I hurriedly enter the bathroom and gently close the door.
I rush to turn the shower on until all I can hear is the soft hiss of water pelting the ground. While it warms up, I peel off my grimy clothes. Every inch of my body aches from the hike. I can’t help the sigh of relief that escapes my lips as I step under the warm water, feeling it cascade over me.
I let myself relax as water clears away the mud and dirt from today. It feels good, incredible, actually. But something tugs at the back of my mind. Is Xander really going to just sit there an.
‘mind his own business’?
My eyes drift towards the small crack between the frame and the door, which I may have accidently-on-purpose left slightly ajar. It’s just a tiny gap that leaves enough room to see the vague outline of his figure on the bed. He’s taken off his shoes and lain back. His feet sway from side to side.
It’s as if he can feel me looking at him, because suddenly he sits up and moves towards the end of the bed.
I feel my heart skip a beat and I quickly snap my head away from the door. Was he staring? Did he like what he saw? Gah! No. I need to get my head out of the gutter. And I’m still mad at him. Sort of. We need to talk about it. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now.
I quickly wrap up my shower, as not even the cold spray of the water can cool me down now.
I step out into the room, and halt at the sight before me. My mind can barely process what it’s seeing. Oh my God. The man has been carved by the gods. I’m met with Xander’s bare chest, with his jeans riding low on his hips, a towel slung carelessly round his neck. The sight has me drooling slightly but I try to snap out of it as a soft gasp escapes me. In pure embarrassment, my hands fly up to my face of their own accord.
He looks completely at ease, slightly amused by the inner turmoil that I’m currently experiencing. A grin curls at the corners of his mouth.
‘What?’
He cocks his head.
‘You can’t tell me you’ve never seen a shirtless guy before?’
I feel my face suddenly become hot and flushed.
‘I uh… no. I mean yes, but—’
Xander is standing in front of me with utter confidence and my eyes can’t help but track over every exquisitely carved detail of his body. I can feel my breath catch in my chest. Why does he do this to me? Is this just another way he’s trying to get a rise out of me?
My mind is racing and I know I have to move. I can’t just stand there like a puddle of mush in the middle of the room. No. I have to do something.
‘I’m just gonna…’
I grab my things and dart around him with haste.
Xander heads into the shower and the door slams shut behind him. I can still hear his damn chuckle. This man will drive me insane.
I take a steady breath and set my things down, trying to calm the whirlwind of thoughts spinning through my mind. The memory of him standing there shirtless, looking almost edible, doesn’t help me feel any less dizzy.
My hands shake as I reach for my toiletry bag and start doing my skin prep. How the hell can I share a bed with him tonight after that? The thought of having to lie next to him after seeing him so… exposed… It makes my stomach flip. It’s not as if I have never shared a room with a man before. But this? I’m sorry to say that, as cute and nerdy as Theo looked when we first got together, I never had this extreme physical reaction with him. Since I met him, Xander has been able to do things to my brain that I just can’t explain, and now my body has apparently joined the Xander party. This is a completely different experience for me.
I rummage in my bag for my PJs. My only relief is that I know I packed my comfiest, and ugliest, set. Even if I’m drooling over Xander, I know he certainly won’t feel the same way about me in these tatty, penguin-patterned pyjamas… Where are they? They’re not here. My mind flashes back to when the girls came over and helped me pack – so quickly that I realise now that I can’t be completely certain what went in.
I yank out something that looks familiar and, oh, I’m going to kill Maddie when I see her, because what I have in my hands aren’t the granny pyjamas I thought I’d packed. No. These are my nice pyjamas, the silky form-fitting set that I usually reserve for special occasions, as in the set I only wear when trying to impress someone. Not that I’ve had much cause for that lately, with my exacting work schedule. A baby-pink pair of shorts and a matching cami with a lace trim that leaves little to the imagination. I scoff out loud and beg the universe to kill me now. Who brings sexy pyjamas to a work trip? With these on, Xander’s going to think I was trying to impress him.
‘Seriously?’
I mutter to myself.
‘Out of everything I own, she just had to go and pack these?’
I look again in my bag. No other options. I’ll just have to sleep in these. The thought of wearing them in front of Xander makes my hands go sweaty. What he will think of me. How he’ll look at me. And maybe, just maybe, a part of me does want to impress him. Or at least for him not to hate what he sees. ‘No,’
I say. I start to pace back and forth, shaking my head.
‘Yara, focus, you cannot be thinking about that.’
I quickly change, and look in the mirror at my reflection for a few moments.
Another thought hits me and a strange impulse takes over, something I can’t control. Hesitantly, I reach for my make-up bag on the counter. Just a little lip gloss, I reason to myself. I throw my hair up into a messy bun and take a last look at myself in the mirror. Not half bad, if I do say so myself.
My focus shifts to the bathroom door. The thought of Xander being in there, water running down his body, makes me feel some type of way. But I’ll keep it to myself. He doesn’t need to know.
‘I can do this. Not a problem. None at all,’
I whisper in denial.
Xander finally steps out of the bathroom but I daren’t look at him because I don’t trust my reaction seeing him in just a towel… or worse, in just boxers. An unwelcome thought enters my head. How does he like to sleep? Oh God, what if he sleeps naked. I’m panicking as I walk towards the beautifully made bed.
I’m lost in my train of thought when my foot catches on one of the pillows that has been thrown on the floor.
‘Oh no!’
I yelp. I stumble forward with my arms flailing all over the place to try to catch myself, but there’s no point. I fall face-first straight onto the floor, and I lie there collecting myself. I groan, wondering what are the chances that maybe, hopefully, he didn’t see that. I’m not left in suspense for long, because I hear his beautiful, booming laugh from behind me.
‘Nice move! Really graceful.’
I start to pull myself upright, holding on to the edge of the bed.
‘This is all your fault!’
A flush creeps up my neck.
‘Who the hell throws pillows in the middle of the floor like that anyway?’
‘What? You can’t just make accusations like that with no proof! I didn’t throw them on the floor,’
he says.
‘They just… happened to end up there.’
My eyes narrow at him as he rushes over to help me. I try to right myself and he grabs my wrist but, in that split second, I lose my balance again. This time I manage to pull him down with me, and we both collapse onto the floor in a tangle of limbs.
My body collides with his and the impact sends a wave of heat through me. We’re in a fit of giggles together on the floor. Xander is giggling! It’s actually kind of a nice sound, the sort of noise I want to bottle up in a jar and save for later. He’s normally so serious, reserved, but here we are being silly together. When our laughter dies down, all I can feel is the pressure of his chest against mine. In the dimly lit room, our faces are so close that I can see the glint of… something in his eyes.
‘I, umm, I like your pyjamas.’
His voice has gone kind of husky. When he speaks like that, it’s too much to look at him, so I direct my eyes towards our feet.
In the tussle, I realise, my silk top has ridden up slightly, revealing a sliver of my bare stomach. Xander notices too. I see him hungrily run his eyes down my body. I can feel an electric tension between us. He goes to gently straighten my top, but pauses before he touches the fabric. He meets my eyes, silently asking permission, to which I nod. Gently, his hand pulls down the top, his fingers grazing my skin ever so slowly, making a jolt of energy go through me.
His mouth is parted slightly as he takes a sharp breath, trying to steady himself. His eyes have darkened and his pupils are dilated. It sends a shiver down my spine. He glances towards my lips. Head tilting to one side, I mirror him. There’s an irresistible magnetic pull, drawing us ever closer. I flutter my eyes closed for what’s going to happen next, preparing myself for the wave of feeling that I’m sure is about to break. I feel him move, his body shift closer, and then… nothing. My eyes fly open. Just as quickly as it happened… it’s over. Xander pulls himself back, breaking the tension between us.
‘Well. That was definitely… something.’
He clears his throat, trying to dissipate the desire that’s still thick in his voice.
What just happened?
We stare at each other for a few beats. I’m waiting, for what I’m not sure. Finally, he speaks again.
‘I’m sorry.’
He closes his eyes.
‘I… I didn’t mean to—’
‘It’s fine,’
I interrupt him. I don’t want to know what he didn’t mean to do. I don’t want him to tell me that it was all a mistake for the second time.
Before he can say anything else, I jump to my feet and into bed. I grab my Kindle and quickly settle under the covers, needing a distraction. I hear Xander moving around the room, going back into the bathroom, locking it. He’s brushing his teeth. I think of his rounded shoulder, his strong bicep, the light brown hairs tracing down to his wrist, his large hand holding the brush, manoeuvring it back and forth. I stare at the same page of my latest Mafia romance, unable to take anything in. Ten minutes later I feel the dip of the bed as he slides in beside me…
‘Goodnight,’
I say softly. I click to the next page on my Kindle, despite having not read a word. I just need to do something normal, everyday, to get me through this weird weekend.
The subtle stirring of birds outside only heightens the quiet in the room. His voice is mellow and low as he says.
‘You know… If you’re feeling awkward about – about sleeping close to me, we can always—’
‘Don’t,’
I stop his sentence.
‘Don’t worry, okay? We’re fine. It’s fine.’
Xander lets out a loud sigh and turns away from me. I worry I’ve done something wrong. Why did he put the brakes on so suddenly? He turns out his bedside lamp. I’m so conscious of all his movements, the bed wobbling as he adjusts to find a comfortable position to sleep in.
‘I just wanted to say… I had a great time today,’
he says quietly.
‘I know you might not feel the same way, but I really like being around you. I like being your friend.’
My heart skips. He has no idea how happy that sentence makes me. I’ve only ever wanted to be Xander’s friend, to have a writing buddy, someone to bounce ideas off. I hate having a work rival, the competition I feel like he forces us into. I try to stay cool, calm and collected. I keep my voice steady.
‘It was fun.’
It was more than fun, I know. Being with him in this way, flicking between the ridiculous to the flirtatious, from joking to vulnerable and back again, it feels electric.
I finally put my Kindle away, having made no progress on my book, and turn out my lamp. We lie there in the darkness, our unsaid words hanging between us. I know he’s awake and he knows I am too. It’s an awareness of the other’s energy, as though our thoughts are fizzing from his mind to mine. The room is awake, alive with it. I roll onto my side, and I feel him turn over and pull my body close to his, holding me. In his arms, I can feel his warmth. Who knew Xander, cold as ice in the office, could burn with so much gentleness? In the safety of his embrace, my eyelids begin to droop, the heft of sleep falling heavily on top of me. As I drift off, I hear him whisper.
‘I wish things could be different.’