Chapter 25
August
Halloween
“I luh you, Dada,” Azaria hooted, running toward me in a dinosaur costume.
“I love you,” I said, keeping my eyes from the bags behind my door that needed me to grab them.
As my beautiful little girl hopped into my arms, looking like her mother more each day, Azaria kissed the tip of my nose.
Her Dorito breath swam to my lungs. Kissing her forehead, I rubbed her back and said, “I’m sorry I neglected you.
I fell on my knees, an’ it’s hard to get up wit’ y’all so close.
Azaria, Daddy gotta go, but I’mma be back … better than befo. I promise.”
“Otay,” she responded quickly as if she fully understood me and what was about to happen.
Hugging my girl tight for all the weeks I missed out of her life, I lifted from the bed. With my need to catch a flight soon, I walked faster to the door.
“Azaria! Time to trick-or-treat!” Clara hooted happily, causing the smiling girl to cheese harder as I kneeled to pick up my bookbag.
Wiggling to get down, Azaria said, “Got go, Dada.”
Looking into her happy eyes, which I had only seen in her old photos, I smiled. “I know. I’mma see you when I get back. I love you.”
“Luh you too,” she said quickly, still wiggling to get down.
Putting her on her feet, I held her in place. Usually, when I tried to keep her from moving, she growled and narrowed her eyes. Surprisingly, she looked at me. I wished I could’ve read her little mind to see what about me made her submit to me, not wanting her to go anywhere.
“I’mma need you to be a good girl to yo’ momma an’ brother. K?” I announced as Clara’s sweet singing of my girl’s name traveled down the hallway.
“Yes, sir.” She nodded as I brought the back of her hand to my mouth.
“See you later,” I voiced, standing, causing her to look up at me.
“Tee you later.” She grinned before running out of the room, hollering, ‘TT Clwara. Kinthsa’.
Exhaling sharply, I walked further out of the room with my eyes glued to the best of cousins, grabbing their Halloween buckets and shovels.
“The kids that idiot an’ me created.” I smiled weakly as Clara looked at me, tipping her head in my direction.
‘Be safe on your journey,’ she mouthed slowly.
“I will,” I answered, loving how supportive she was at two o’clock in the morning about what I felt I needed to move past my troubles.
‘I love you,’ she mouthed, smiling while reaching for the doorknob.
“I know,” I admitted, hating that it was tough to tell Azaria and August Junior that I loved them. Those words hadn’t sat right on my tongue, much less roll off it with ease, since the buried secret popped up like funky pussy on a bitch with an STD.
Once the cute, cheery dinosaurs walked out of the door with Clara hooting them on, I exhaled sharply, pushed from the door, and eyed my son’s half-opened door. With each step I took, the farther away it seemed I would have to go just to get back to my children and new life.
There was no hope for Mona and me as long as I was the old August. I didn’t try to earn my place back into her life.
I would never be worthy of her. I betrayed her in the worst way after promising I wouldn’t.
She needed the new and improved August Abbott Senior.
The only way to give her him was for me to kill off the old August and provide her with the new and final August Abbott Senior.
Upon arriving at our son’s room, I shivered at the gentleness of Mona rubbing the depressed young man’s forehead as he slept.
She hadn’t been okay since the phone call.
She was back and forth about the jackguh in her versus the momma bear she had turned into.
I didn’t bother telling her who she should be.
Who was I to tell Mona which attitude she needed to carry when I didn’t have a single fuck clue about my character?
“Your heavy breaths mean you have something to say. What’s up?” Mona said, not looking at me.
“In order to heal an’ be a better father to an’ fo’ them, I need to leave fo’ a while.
I don’t know how long I’mma be gone, or where I’m going, but I gotta get outta this house …
city … state. There’s a high possibility I’mma miss our new baby’s birth.
I ain’t gon’ apologize fo’ that ‘cause I ain’t the man I thought I was.
Our kids deserve a man who know who he is.
I love our kids an’ you. It hurt to say that ‘love’ word, an’ it shouldn’t hurt me.
You ain’t left this house since we brought him back home.
You’on have to pack up the kids an’ go to yo’ crib ‘cause I’m leavin’.
This yo’ house just as much as mine. I’mma see y’all when I get back,” I voiced, causing her to look at me.
“Safe travels.” She nodded, smiling pleasantly.
“Thank you,” I replied, lifting from the doorframe.
“You are welcome. Bring back our kids’ dad with no fuckery or possible ways for his mind to slip like a transmission. Okay,” she demanded, sitting upright on the king-sized bed.
Tapping the white doorframe, I nodded. “Absolutely. Have a good night, Mona.”
“You too,” she spoke through quivering lips as I rushed to walk away. I’ve seen her lips tremble enough to last me a lifetime.
When I arrived at the door, sighing deeply, I closed my eyes, counted to twenty, and opened the rectangular object.
A gust of cool air carried excited children’s laughter, yelling adults, and Kingdon’s softly calling my name from King’s phone.
Looking at the main fuckas who I hadn’t said much to since Mona and I removed Deminika and her family from the wooded areas a week ago, with missing toenails, fingernails, and clipped tongues, Kingsley extended a wad of cash.
Weakly, she smiled. “Well, it seems King was right again.”
Anguish swarmed around me as I closed the door, glared at Kingsley, and said, “Fuck you an’ yo’ money.
I would be careful comin’ ‘round Mona since you was too busy fuckin’ an’ suckin’ to answer that damn door.
She might dome check you. To be fuckin’ clear, I ain’t gon’ feel no kinda way.
Pretty much how I feel, nih. Blank. Blah. Errr.”
She choked up.
King sighed heavily and shook his head.
Coolly, Kingdon said, “Hey, Aug.”
I didn’t respond. Simply, I looked at King’s phone.
“You don’t look like King before he left.
You damn sure don’t look like me before I left.
You are tortured by the truth, guilt, and betrayal.
I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. However long you need to be gone, I will make sure your kids are okay.
I promise,” Kingdon declared passionately, which caused me to laugh sinisterly.
“Bruh, fuck you an’ yo’ twin. The only time I need y’all niggas is when som’ grimy shit go on that y’all get off on. Be fuckin’ blessed.” I smiled wickedly, meaning every-gotdamn-word.
I walked off my porch, leaving them to sigh and call my name. Six steps into me walking to my truck, the front door was opened aggressively. The gorgeous sound of a bullet going into an assault rifle’s chamber caused me to chuckle and unlock my vehicle.
“Get the fuck off my porch with that fake love shit. I’m feeling very fucking generous to make motherfuckas think it’s a gotdamn haunted house with how much blood I’ll spill,” Mona hissed as I opened my driver’s door.
While the siblings walked quickly from my porch, I smiled hard, started my vehicle, and chunked the deuces at Mona.
To my surprise, she chunked them back with her right hand and blew me a kiss with her left.
The air kiss gave me all the strength to open my mind to face the bad head-on and get back to living, not existing.
After weaving and bobbing through trick-or-treaters, busy streets, and the interstate, I arrived at the airport. Unsure where I would go, I decided to look at the board and weave through the destinations until one looked appealing to me.
Upon arriving at the desk with six motherfuckas dressed in all black clothing and a suitcase handles secured in their left hands, I exhaled sharply and shook my head. I wasn’t expecting anyone who was closely tied to my trauma to be in my presence.
“Aye, Sweets, let me add one more ticket to my tab, please,” X said, turning her head to look at me.
My nostrils flared at the fucka with too much audacity and more apologies tumbling from her eyes. Seeing the softness that floated from her round, captivating eyes, I asked, “Who said I wanted to be ‘round y’all niggas?”
“We know you don’t, but you need to. You won’t make it on your self-journey if you don’t link with me, August Senior.
You don’t trust me when I’m being a good person.
So, you need to see me at my worst to trust all of me.
You don’t have to accept this plane ticket.
But know that if you don’t follow the person who destroyed you, you will forever suffer.
You might turn into a junky with no way out of being that.
You might turn into a drunkard, never recovering again.
You might lose your children and the family who’s fighting hard to stay in your life.
I’ve opened all the doors for you to succeed as you once were.
The choice is yours,” she said, patting her husband’s chest three times before sliding her hand across his nose.
When he nodded and stepped to the desk with money in hand, X walked toward me. Stopping six inches in front of me, she asked, “What are you going to do, August Senior?”
Believing every word that she spoke because of the many liquor bottles in my house called my name daily, hourly, I cleared my throat, pointed at her, followed by her goons, and a plane.
With teary eyes, she nodded and grinned. “Beautiful choice. Just fucking beautiful. We are going to our favorite resort and spa in Tucson, Arizona. Did you talk to August Junior before you left?”
“No. He was asleep.”
“Did you talk to Azaria?”
“Yes.” I nodded, studying the eyes of a mother, not a ruthless commander.
Pointing at my phone, she said, “Rule number one: you talk to all your children. No phones will be used to reach out to anyone. Healing is all about isolation. I don’t see my guys and my husband, but I know they are near, cleansing their souls and opening their minds more.
Call him. The plane will board in ten minutes. ”
Nodding, I walked away from the boss chick with my phone in my hand. Before I could unlock my device, August Junior called. Quickly, I answered, “I was just ‘bout to call you.”
“Momma told me that you have left for a self-journey, healing trip. I know those trips well, so I’m calling to wish you good luck as you let go of the past, remember who you truly are, and come back to us better than before.
I’m proud of you for walking away from us for a while to find peace.
Best of luck. I love you, Dad.” He choked up as tears welled in my eyes.
“I love you too. Take care of yo’ momma an’ sister, but most importantly take care of yo’ mind. Don’t hold anything in. Yo’ momma there. Be sure to talk to her. Okay?”
“Yes, sir. Safe travels, Dad.”
“Thank you.”
“Hang it up.”
“I’m hanging it up,” I told him before removing the phone from my ear.
Turning on my heels, facing the terrors of those who didn’t abide by X’s demands, I exhaled. “Let’s do this shit, so I can get back to an upgraded fuckin’ life.”
“Let’s do this.” X smiled, extending her left hand in my direction.
Before I could catch my tongue, I laughed. “Guh, go to Hell. I ain’t no damn toddler. Matter of fact, I ain’t Zeryka.”
“Oooouuu!” J-Money and Baked laughed as I walked to the loudly laughing female and her chuckling husband.
“Oh, not too much on that one, nih.” Juvy laughed.
“That’s a good one.” X giggled as I landed before her, dapping her husband.
Becoming serious, she said, “August, this shit isn’t going to be an easy walk. Right now, I need you to close your eyes and reflect on this time last year versus now. Before we board, go as deep as you can into the challenges that you’ll face, overcome, and never revisit.”
Looking at her through rapidly blinking eyelids, I said, “Guh, I ain’t gotta close my eyes fo’ that shit.
I’mma say it while lookin’ in yo’ face. Last year, I stressed myself out ‘bout which state my in-house family an’ me would trick-or-treat in.
If I had known Halloween wouldn’t mean shit to anyone but Azaria, I would’ve stressed about bigger things: my fuckin’ sanity an’ family.
If I had known that an 18-year secret would surface after I tortured my wife, I would’ve sought you an’ yo’ goons sooner an’ told you to stay the fuck away from my wife an’ me …
an’ get me help so I could properly deal wit’ som’ shit that not a fuckin’ soul hinted at. ”
While the goons and I stared at each other, a soft-toned woman’s voice was heard on the overhead, “Flight to Tucson, Arizona, may now board at….”
Pointing at the ceiling, I savagely smiled. “Time to board the fuckin’ plane, X’Zeryka King.”