Chapter 57
Raye scented of their son. Kalfr’s son.
She stared toward Kalfr, her heartbeat skipping, her hands fluttering helplessly up to her hot face. A son. Another son. Their son.
Something bubbled up bright and wondrous in her chest, quaking her all over — and escaped in a joyous, giddy laugh. A son. Another son.
“Oh, goddess,” she gulped, shoving up to sit on the bed, wiping at her suddenly wet eyes, beaming at Kalfr so brightly it hurt. “We made another son together. Another son! It’s just — I can’t —”
She couldn’t stop laughing, and perhaps weeping at the same time, and Kalfr’s slow, awestruck smile back toward her made it even better, because — yes.
He’d wanted this. He’d wanted it just as much as she had, his eyes shining with warmth and colour and life, and his breath choked out as he shoved up too, and swept her into his arms.
“Ach, my saeta,” he breathed, his voice thick and wavering. “Another son. Ach.”
Raye shivered against him, squeezing him back as tightly as she could. They’d made another son together. Another life. Another chance to learn together, to trust together. To be a family together. And it was such a gift, not only from the goddess, but from —
“And you, Gael,” Raye croaked, once she and Kalfr pulled apart again, and she twisted toward where he was sitting up in the bed, watching them with a careful smile on his mouth — and she hurled herself toward him, too, flinging her arms around his stiff back.
“You gave us this too, with all your ridiculous feeding and fattening, and you’re just — too damned good to us. To both of us.”
Gaelfr’s stiff body slightly relaxed against her, and his arms carefully curled around her back. “Ach, it was naught, saeta,” he said, gruff into her throat. “Only what any orc would have done.”
But that wasn’t true, it wasn’t, and Raye yanked back to half-glare, half-grin at him with indulgent, exasperated affection.
And though Gaelfr was still smiling, too, his gaze dropped down and away, toward the bed.
As if — he wasn’t disappointed, was he? He couldn’t have thought — oh.
Had he wanted the son to be from his seed, after all?
Raye couldn’t deny a whisper of disappointment around that, too — goddess, had she really wanted to have Gaelfr’s son?
But she still couldn’t stop smiling at him, giving his stiff shoulders a firm shake.
“You’ll be such a good father, Gael,” she said thickly.
“Again. And this means” — her smile quivered higher, the hope clutching close — “you’ll stay now, right? Forever?”
Gaelfr’s eyes stilled, his body snapped even stiffer beneath her hands — and Raye couldn’t deny the sudden quiver of unease, or alarm, gripping in her chest. Because — he’d promised he would stay for good, right? On the condition that she kept her vow to make amends to Kalfr, and bear him a son?
“You’ll stay,” she said again, with another attempt at a smile, another shake to his stiff shoulders. “Won’t you, Gael? I’ve kept my vows, I’ve done everything we agreed on, right?”
It came out thin, pleading, her smile wavering on her mouth — while Gaelfr’s own mouth twisted, and his gaze angled toward…
toward Kalfr. Kalfr, who was staring at them with hard, glittering eyes, lacking even a trace of the warmth from only a moment ago.
And why, what had happened, what had changed —
But too late, Raye heard her own words to Gaelfr, jangling through her ears. You’ll stay now, right? I’ve kept my vows, I’ve done everything we agreed on…
Fuck. Fuck. What the hell was wrong with her? What in the goddess’ name had come over her? She’d just referred to Gaelfr’s test. To that condition he’d given her, about bearing Kalfr a son. And she couldn’t say that in front of Kalfr, and fuck, she’d said it in front of Kalfr, damn it, damn it —
“I only meant,” she stammered, too quickly, too late. “I’ve kept all the vows I’ve made, to both of you, and to the goddess. And that means we can tr—”
But Kalfr’s hand swiftly snapped up toward her, palm out, in a silent order to stop.
An order that felt strong enough to be a slap, and Raye clamped her mouth shut, as something wildly heaved in her chest. No.
No. She couldn’t have just — ruined this, with one stupid slip of the tongue. Couldn’t have just — failed —
“Explain this, Gael,” Kalfr said, with deadly steadiness in his voice. “What does Raye mean by this.”
Gaelfr’s expression was blank, unmoving, though his swallow bobbed in his throat.
And when Raye opened her mouth again, Kalfr shot her a sharp, quelling look, firing more jolting misery through her chest. No.
No. Gaelfr needed to barge in, he needed to find a way to explain everything, fix everything —
But Gaelfr wasn’t moving, wasn’t speaking, and he still had that hollow, empty look on his face. Just like when he’d told them the truth about his time in the south, and Kalfr had been angry with him. When Gaelfr had thought he’d failed…
“Tell me, Gael,” Kalfr commanded. “The truth. All of this. Now.”
Gaelfr’s mouth twisted, and his hand rubbed at his eyes. “I only wished — to help you, ástin mín,” he replied, his voice rough. “Both of you. I wished to — bring you back together, and make you safe and content. But I did not trust Raye at first, so I…”
His voice faded, but after an instant’s empty silence, he drew in a heavy, shuddering breath. “I… I did what I could to — urge her,” he finished. “To test her.”
Urge her. Test her. It fired more misery through Raye’s gut, because yes, she’d known Gaelfr was testing her all along, hadn’t she? But to hear him say it, to know he’d done it with calculation, with purpose, it was — it was —
“And how did you urge her, and test her?” came Kalfr’s clipped question. “Tell me, Gael. All of this.”
Gaelfr was still rubbing at his eyes, but Raye caught him glancing toward her through his fingers, his expression chagrined, ashamed. “I urged her to — come to you,” he replied, hollow. “I urged her to honour you, and honour her vow to make amends to you. And I urged her to…”
His throat convulsed, and Kalfr barked a harsh laugh. “And is this where the son comes in?” he demanded. “You urged her to bear me another son, also?”
Gaelfr grimaced, but didn’t reply, and Kalfr glanced between him and Raye, while bitter comprehension flared in his eyes.
“Ach, I follow,” he said slowly. “And just now, she asked if you would stay, did she not? You ordered her to come to me, to make amends to me, to bear me another son — or else you would leave?”
Gaelfr still didn’t reply, though Raye couldn’t suppress her own brief, betraying flinch.
A movement that Kalfr didn’t miss, his eyes angling narrow toward her before flicking back to Gaelfr again.
“Truly, Gael?” he asked, harder. “You threatened to leave her, also? What, and run off across the sea, and abandon your vows and your kin? Again?”
Gaelfr’s hand was rubbing at his mouth now, and he mumbled something about not going across the sea, but Raye couldn’t fully hear it over Kalfr’s rising, furious growl.
“And you threatened this, when you had already begun to build a bond with her?” he demanded.
“And when you knew she and Svein needed our help? You wielded all this against her, to better urge her obedience toward me? To grant me another son?!”
Kalfr’s voice cracked, while the disgust curled at his mouth, shocked and horrified.
And damn it, he’d been trying so hard to trust them, to do this together, and now — now it sounded like Raye had done it all under duress, at Gaelfr’s demand, Gaelfr’s threat.
Like it had all been a lie. A ploy. A farce.
And even worse — Raye’s thoughts were distantly screaming now — Kalfr had done so much for his clan’s sons, these past years.
He’d made so many sacrifices. He’d even agreed to that awful mission with Sybil, and Sybil had lied to him, and tried to use him for a son, too.
And now, Raye and Gaelfr had been doing the exact same thing?
Conspiring against him, for a son? And why the hell hadn’t Raye put that together, before it had come to this?
Why hadn’t she realized how much this might mean to Kalfr, how it might break him?
“So when you told me,” Kalfr continued, his voice halting, his pained eyes finding Raye’s, “you wished us to learn each other again, to trust each other… you were speaking false to me? You were… play-acting? At Gael’s command?”
Play-acting. The word roiled in Raye’s belly, and she frantically shook her head. “N-no, Kalfr,” she choked out. “It — it wasn’t like that! It wasn’t, I swear. I wanted to do all that with you. I wanted to trust you, and reconcile with you, and have another son with you! But I just —”
She shot Gaelfr a helpless, panicked look, and his eyes met hers before flicking to Kalfr again, glimmering with urgency, with regret.
“Ach, I — I knew Raye wished for all this with you, ástin mín,” he rasped.
“I could see this, and scent this, stronger and stronger with every day we spent together. But at first, she mistrusted us both, and mistrusted her own longing for this — so my urging helped her in this, ach? It helped all of us. Made this… easier. Safer.”
And yes, yes, that felt right, it was right — but Kalfr stared at Gaelfr, his eyes flashing with disbelief, as a hard, bitter laugh escaped his mouth.
“Ach, safer,” he repeated. “With you hiding all this from me? With you speaking thus of trust, whilst you secretly schemed and plotted against me, all this time? Seeking to entrap me with you, yet again?”