Chapter 43 Halvar
Halvar
I sent for Ragnhild the moment I heard Freija’s tears beyond the door. Every sob lanced through me like a stab to the chest. All I wanted to do was rush in there and hold her together, but doing so would be a reminder of the rejection she had just received.
Lumbering across the hallway, I sank to my rear and settled against the wall opposite her door. Things may have changed, but my duty to the mountain and her never would. No matter what.
I hated seeing her like this and watching her confidence slowly chipped away at in that meeting was more painful than being punched in the gut. I hated that council, and wanted to stab them all one by one for upsetting her.
Maybe I still can?
Mikkel appeared in my periphery, wandering down the hallway toward me. “Old age finally catching up with you, General?”
My lips quivered. “I should kill you for saying that.”
“Considering your current state,” he chuckled, “I highly doubt you have the energy. When did you last sleep?”
Annoyingly, his question had merit. I’d mostly dozed on Henrik’s ship, but hadn’t had a decent night’s rest in days at this point. My muscles ached and my mind was moving a little slower than I’d have liked. “I’m fine,” I groused.
“Sure.” He settled in beside me. “Is she doing well?”
I shook my head. The tears sounded like they had stopped not long after Ragnhild arrived, but I could practically feel Freija’s pain through the walls—almost as if the mountain itself was responding to her emotions.
“Go get some sleep,” Mikkel said. “I will watch over her.”
“I’m fine.”
“With all due respect, sir, you are not, and cannot do your best like this. I’ve seen dead deer more alive.” He waved his hand at me. “I will send word if there is any movement or problems.”
He may have been correct. “Since when do you give me orders, Commander?”
“Since you look like you were dragged along the bottom of the fjord by some ancient beast and tossed ashore for the hawks to pick at.”
That was particularly vivid, but I knew from experience that a tired and depleted soldier was a dead soldier. So, I rose and placed my hands on my hips. “Any movement?”
“You will be the first to know.”
“Good.” I nodded. “Oh, and Ragnhild is in there.”
His shoulders slumped. “Oh, joy.”
At least someone else felt the same way I did about the Forest Fae princess. However, I was glad she came so quickly when asked. She truly was a good friend, which was something I could respect… I guessed.
“And… erm… sir?”
“Yes?”
“Those other feelings you are currently feeling”—he wiggled his fingers, pointing them across the hallway—“those are all right too, you know.”
Perhaps I should consider reassigning him somewhere else? First likening me to a dead deer, now mentioning feelings that may be humming through my veins and clouding my damn thoughts. “What feelings?”
He tipped his chin toward Freija’s room. “It can be worth it, even if it was or is only for a short amount of time.”
My mind drifted back to what he’d said the night he’d caught us: that I’d found happiness and sometimes it really is worth the potential hardship.
I had and it had been. Having her in my arms was a memory I never wanted to lose, and every time she laughed or smiled it brought a warmth to my chest that I hadn’t felt in quite some time.
So, admittedly, my commander was correct.
“I will think about it,” I replied before I said anything else and exposed my thoughts and pesky emotions.
With one final glance at Freija’s door, I let out a sigh and headed for some much needed rest.
Back in my own room for the first time in weeks, sleep never found me, and by morning I’d gone through Mikkel’s words a thousand times followed closely thereafter by my own to Freija: that she was Queen and strong enough to stand up to the Council.
Not only that, but she was beautiful, smart, and kinder than any other person I’d ever met.
I’d gone about this all wrong. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved Freija.
The Council were bastards. Their traditions were outdated.
No one else should dictate our own feelings toward one another, including my own past demons.
My father’s death may have ultimately led to my mother’s early demise from heartbreak, but that didn’t need to be the case between me and Freija.
And I was certain Freija cared for me—she’d said as much on the ship.
She deserved to know that those feelings were reciprocated and to what extent.
I wasn’t going to let my past haunt me anymore.
I wanted her.
Ancestors help anyone who got in my way.
Rising to my feet, I raked my hands through my hair, and stared at the door. It was time to find her and tell her.